CBBC - When Mum Becomes Dad

And then they duly showed Tilly with her nice feminine role model of an Aunty who proceeded to show Tilly pretty jewellery that Dad Jack had made when they were younger ie. nice ‘feminine girly things‘

Difficult to understand how this isn't telling children that there is a right and wrong way to be a female role model.

I'm just watching now.

I am in awe of the children. They are incredibly well spoken and polite and switched on.

What a lovely young man Nat is too.. considering they were all just kinda thrown together,

I get an overwhelming feeling of selfishness it has to be said.

"My mum is trans and identifies as male" = fact
"My mum is now my dad" = ideology

No one is gaslighting a child into having to believe something that doesn't make sense to them in order to validate someone else's choices on national TV.

Agree - it would be similar if the programme took a stance on whether the parent should be in prison or suggested that the parent wasn't in prison.

As someone said before, if a woman can have a penis why can’t a (trans)man be called mum? Especially if mum transitioned when the child was a bit older and had been calling them mum.
I am concerned about how the change would affect children whose parents transition, bearing in mind how parents separating affects children. Similarly how a child whose “dad” gave birth to them when they find out that it’s different to the general scheme of things, would it be similar to finding out you’re adopted?
There was another thread that had a link to an Israeli transman who has birthed three children and I did note that it was this “dad” who was the SAHP and not the children’s other dad.

There was a cbbc programme a while ago about a child who’s father was in prison. Despite any personal feelings about the decision making of an adult that leads them to a custodial sentence, it is still helpful for children to understand each other’s lives and reduce stigma/bullying for kids in these situations.

I agree that the BBC has the potential to play a positive role in broadening children's understanding of other people's lives with the goal of reducing the stigma associated with being different. But I don't think a programme about having a parent in prison is comparable.

Having a parent in prison is a straightforward statement of fact, the consequences of which the child will have to deal with somehow. I still think there are ethical questions around a child's ability to consent to sharing intimate details about their life, especially now content is so persistent, but that is a separate issue.

No one is gaslighting a child into having to believe something that doesn't make sense to them in order to validate someone else's choices on national TV.

I don't understand the concept of 'living as a woman' or 'living as a man', or what this parent is doing that is fundamentally different to what they were doing before, or how any of the practical reality of pregnancy and child birth is now no longer worthy of a name.

If this isn't a mental health issue its difficult to understand this in any way that isn't just deeply sexist.

i sort of think, if your mum changes their gender presentation, they are still your mum?

‘My mum grew a beard’ is not as catchy though.

How many of these programmes are there!? One surely is enough to see the propaganda in full swing? On the other hand I guess for some parents they might need a hook to talk to their children and reassure them they are not going to lose their mum. A trip down reality lane perhaps?

I watched it with my DD (year 6)

We had an interesting discussion afterwards. Coming from my perspective I felt that my children’s needs for a mother outweigh any personal desire/need I might have to change myself, but my daughter said that she wouldn’t want her mum to be unhappy and that perhaps being himself made Dad Jack a better parent. She said they haven’t really talked about this at school, but she has a friend who’s parents recently separated so the concept of happier parents being better parents is fairly current and “not staying together for the kids”/living a lie.

I do agree that some of the conversations seemed a little scripted/contrived and that the son/father seemed a little awkward with it all, maybe it was having the cameras in the house. Perhaps the kids in the documentary had adapted better because Jack had transitioned slowly and started when the kids were quite young, also that apart from the physical/voice changes, Jack was effectively fulfilling the mother role. I wonder if the other child had experienced it more abruptly hence the sense of bereavement.

I agree that the bbc should not be pushing a trans kids agenda on children’s programming, but if we agree that it is a decision to be made responsibly as an adult, then I do feel that Jack is a good role model for that. Our children will meet trans people in life, may decide to transition themselves or have friends who’s parents are trans. I actually think the programme handled this in a sensitive way and may be helpful as a tool for reassuring other kids who may go on to experience this.

There was a cbbc programme a while ago about a child who’s father was in prison. Despite any personal feelings about the decision making of an adult that leads them to a custodial sentence, it is still helpful for children to understand each other’s lives and reduce stigma/bullying for kids in these situations.

Quite. This isn't showing off your gerbil on My Pet And Me. FFS.

And it isn't like children acting a part, where they (and their peers) can understand that the performer is different to the role.

This is real children's lives, effectively being commodified (as I imagine the BBC has retained sale and distribution rights worldwide).

I think it's time Ofcom started paying attention to the long term damage media exposure could cause minors. It just doesn't sit well with me at all.

i sort of think, if your mum changes their gender presentation, they are still your mum?

I mean Catlyn jenner, her kids still say thats my dad? If my dad transistioned at 75, he'd still be my dad, not suddenly my mum?

@sananbaz
Oh my gosh that's so bad about what other people tried to say to your daughter!

It does worry me all of this for when my child gets older. I don't feel equipped about how to explain stuff to my daughter like you guys.

sananbaz
Please write to the BBC and complain. You could just c&p your post from here because I think it expresses perfectly what the problem is. They need to be told what effect these sort of programmes are having on children in the real world.

www.bbc.co.uk/contact/complaints/make-a-complaint/#/Complaint

sanabaz, thank you for sharing your story about your daughter, who sounds fabulous. I feel so much anger on her behalf. You are quite right to be calling out that this constant, poorly judged questioning (although probably coming from a well meaning place) is actually hugely damaging to her sense of confidence in being herself. How dare they?

My ten year old daughter watched this the other day. I'm mad at the BBC tbh. My daughter does not conform to gender stereotypes and has been mistaken for a boy most of her life. This doesn't bother her and she's happy as she is. When she was seven, she watched two CBBC programs (one with a girl transitioning to a boy, and one of a non conforming girl happy as she was). She got confused when a holiday club worker told her she could change into a boy, and she went through a period of saying she was born in the wrong body. After many talks about her being perfect just the way she is, born the way she was meant to be, I could see a massive weight lifted from her shoulders and she has continued to happily be a girl with short hair and practical clothes. I've had to deflect school from giving us advice from mermaids and stonewall, and I had to put in writing that no one was to talk about being in the wrong body or transitioning to her - they seem to be doing this. She has dealt with a teacher asking her what her preferred pronouns were in front of the rest of the class, (he was surprised she said she/her). She is genuinely happy with herself, her life and her friends. I wouldn't be surprised if she was gay, and if she's happy, we are happy, so no concerns there. However, watching this latest CBBC offering has once again made her think changing herself would make life easier for society to accept her. I am resolute that societies idea of gender stereotyping should change, not my beautiful daughter. I don't want her medicated, sterilised or mutilated to allow society to accept that she is a girl that likes short hair and practical clothes. I don't think that's too much to ask.

Well, you know that age old childhood saying... "better a living Dad than a dead Mother".

The level of selfishness here, is something else. It’s so emotionally abusive to tell a child that their mother no longer exists or has died and to send them to bereavement counselling, just so you can play dress up. Feel sorry for the kids.

If you insist on taking hormones and calling yourself a man fine - surely there's no need to put your kids through the grief - I would call this 'complex grief'- of telling them you're not their mum anymore?

There's definitely no fucking need to make a documentary recording their reactions, ffs. The self absorption is breath taking.

I have concerns about ongoing consent of minors in these situations. Can a child really consent to being broadcast this way?

What if they face real world repercussions - bullying, stalking? Can a child really understand that this piece of their real life will always be accessible, always come up on searches?

It makes me very uncomfortable.

Yes, on CBBC, I turned straight off, my daughter was really confused by 'I am Leo'. Endless 'no, you aren't going to wake up as a boy'. Not doing that again.