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Original poster

Nowhere is safe from preferred pronouns

188 replies

RoxyGrey · 03/12/2020 17:13

I've seen it all now, just logged into a zoom meeting of fairly senior colleagues to see one had as their zoom name [name] (she/her). It was all I could do to hide my eye-roll.

I mean, why on earth did they feel it necessary to put their pronouns there?? Notably, no one else had theirs in their zoom name, even though some do have it in their email signature. It's not like there was any ambiguity in their appearance either, they were visibly feminine presenting so it's unlikely anyone would be confused.

So is this the next step in compelled speech? Anyone been asked/told to do this yet?

OP posts:
EmpressWitchDoesntBurn · 03/12/2020 21:39

I was asked to state my preferred pronouns and they nagged me about it when I tried to ignore them, so I decided to out-woke them.

This is magnificent, Grooticle. What did they say?

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 03/12/2020 21:38

@Stellaris22

Are you being asked to change the way you describe yourself? Where? Why would you be made to do this?

It's more about having the ability to state a preference outright, rather than finding a way to bring it up.

For that person it takes a lot of the stress away and means they can focus on work.

It has nothing to do with making people feel comfortable. It's a narcissistic power play.
Stellaris22 · 03/12/2020 21:25

Are you being asked to change the way you describe yourself? Where? Why would you be made to do this?

It's more about having the ability to state a preference outright, rather than finding a way to bring it up.

For that person it takes a lot of the stress away and means they can focus on work.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 03/12/2020 21:20

@Stellaris22

Ah, I see.

If you think it's narcissism to request people refer to you in a way that makes you feel comfortable, then go ahead.

Could argue it's attention seeking to overly draw attention to your disgust at it when all the other person is doing is making a polite request.

If you just accepted it I think you would find the other person wouldn't make a fuss either.

Who has suggested expressing disgust?

Some people want me to change the way I describe myself. I don't want to. Why do their feelings trump mine?

Stellaris22 · 03/12/2020 21:17

Well, yes. Be kind.

Or be the type of person who gets offended and worked up over a basic request. It's not hurting you.

(But I get the futility of arguing 'be kind' about this issue on MN).

Kaliorphic · 03/12/2020 21:14

If you just accepted it I think you would find the other person wouldn't make a fuss either

Ahh, if we just accepted it then it would all be ok. Be kind right?

Nah.

Siameasy · 03/12/2020 21:04

Felt it was timely

Siameasy · 03/12/2020 21:04

fairplayforwomen.com/pronouns/

Stellaris22 · 03/12/2020 21:03

Ah, I see.

If you think it's narcissism to request people refer to you in a way that makes you feel comfortable, then go ahead.

Could argue it's attention seeking to overly draw attention to your disgust at it when all the other person is doing is making a polite request.

If you just accepted it I think you would find the other person wouldn't make a fuss either.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 03/12/2020 20:59

@Stellaris22

I fully understand stating 'they/them' as preferred pronouns as that is never obvious. I find it's great for the person to state that straight away to avoid awkward situations.

Regardless of your views on this, it's about making sure everyone is comfortable. I'm more than happy to be told a persons favoured pronouns.

It's not harming or affecting you. It's at best a mild irritation/annoyance, but for that person makes them feel more secure. It's certainly not worth getting angry about.

Nonsense. It's not about making anyone feel comfortable, it's about narcissism.
CrazyCatMamma · 03/12/2020 20:58

My work have suggested putting them in email signatures - only a suggestion at the minute but loads have. If it becomes compulsory, my pronouns will be I/me as if I don’t give a shite what people refer to me as when I’m not there!

Defaultname · 03/12/2020 20:53

@StandUpStraight

I see it but I’m in a big multinational tech co. The one I really don’t get is where someone who is obviously a woman (for example) says her pronouns are “she/they”. I mean, what? Surely if you’re fine with “she”, the obvious choice that accords with natural speech, you don’t need an alternative that absolutely nobody is going to use anyway?
A quick Google shows that some languages have two words for 'they', Spanish, for instance has ellas and ellos, depending on whether it's a bunch of her-people or he-people. I wonder which one she/they would go for?
GingerPCatt · 03/12/2020 20:47

DH has a meeting recently with a very woke crowd. I tried to get him to say that his pronouns were sex based like his privilege. He, probably wisely, ignored me.

Stellaris22 · 03/12/2020 20:46

Oh. Ok then .......

Or maybe that person is fed up of politely explaining this.

Even if it is, as you claim, attention seeking. Does it affect you other than annoying you?

BolloxtoGender · 03/12/2020 20:40

Or an attention seeker who wants compel others to make them feel special.

Stellaris22 · 03/12/2020 20:36

I fully understand stating 'they/them' as preferred pronouns as that is never obvious. I find it's great for the person to state that straight away to avoid awkward situations.

Regardless of your views on this, it's about making sure everyone is comfortable. I'm more than happy to be told a persons favoured pronouns.

It's not harming or affecting you. It's at best a mild irritation/annoyance, but for that person makes them feel more secure. It's certainly not worth getting angry about.

gottakeeponmovin · 03/12/2020 20:31

I I've managed to go 40 years with everyone getting my pronouns correct so I do t feel the need to state them

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 03/12/2020 20:24

I have seen quite a few trans people on social media saying that they dislike being asked to state pronouns, because it focuses attention on sex/gender, whereas they just want to pass. And I notice that neither of the trans people whom I occasionally work with state their pronouns in emails (in the NHS, so they could definitely do so, if they chose).

This whole thing seems to be more about virtue-signalling by self-declared allies.

accessorizequeen · 03/12/2020 20:13

@DidoLamenting

No it is serious- and actually the Twitterer has a point as Arabella and Grooticle have explained.
Ah I went back and checked. The link showed a different tweet to the image - considerably more woke! I see what you mean about compelled pronouns.
Blibbyblobby · 03/12/2020 20:09

I suspect it's coming at my place. I'm going to go for some of the new gender-neutral ones. I've always felt gendered pronouns to be an anachronism so while I don't mind being she by default, I'm not actively signing up for it.

babbaloushka · 03/12/2020 20:04

One girl at daughter's school goes by kitten/kittenself. Apparently these are 'neopronouns'. Hmm

FurryGiraffe · 03/12/2020 20:01

No. I have seen no he/hims.

I've seen a couple. Far more she/hers though.

FurryGiraffe · 03/12/2020 20:00

I'm an academic and lots of the central University and Faculty staff display their pronouns on Zoom. Not the academic staff so much. One keen young lecturer did suggest to me that we should encourage students to put their pronouns on Zoom in our online teaching etiquette guide. I gently suggested that this was entirely redundant. The one fantastic thing about teaching on Zoom is that you know everyone's name! There is no need to fudge your way past your name ignorance with 'as she said' any more!

TheLadyOfShallnott · 03/12/2020 19:56

No. I have seen no he/hims.

Funny that.

legallybland · 03/12/2020 19:52

has anyone seen he/him declared? I've only ever seen she / her / they / them.