Looking forward - supporting girls with becoming young women

Do you think I'd do well as a motivational speaker? P'raps not

Maybe a Buddhist one, ponpoy: First noble truth, living beings are subject to suffering and discomfort.

I think this is such a good idea.

I agree with much of what's been said, but also think that for many kids, not just girls, there is a real fear of growing up and of the real adult world. This is harder for those with any kind of comorbidity that affects the security of friendships and difficulty fitting in (ADHD in my D's case).

The pull towards a trans identity seems to me to come partly from this - an alternate reality, a mask, allowing dissociation and deflection from the 'Bear Hunt'. But they can't go over it / under it / around it or whatever. They've got to go through it', haven't they?

I think I would have liked a book called something like 'How to hold your nerve during puberty and not freak out about feeling like a weirdo, because it'll (probably) be (sort of) alright in the end.' Not sure it would sell well.

Maybe we need to teach them to assume things will be uncomfortable, physically and emotionally, but that that's not because you're in the wrong body. It's just because your expectations were too high. Discomfort isn't a sign of anything - it's just the human condition. Do you think I'd do well as a motivational speaker? P'raps not.

And I guess when peopl are saying more mental health support is needed, that's based on personal experiences. We ask for mental health support but get offered puberty blockers?

lots of people refuse to listen to people who have had trans-experiences as teenagers. People with no experience making up the rules as to how to treat people who do have the experience.

I recall the debate being that homosexuals didn't need any medicalisation thank you
Kind of ..well...completely opposite to the trans question here

Because a lot of the discourse around trans issues are the same as the discourse around homosexuals a few decades ago

I've been thinking about this since I saw The Social Dilemma and started reading about the mental health crisis in girls and young women. I don't think "crisis" is too strong a word when you look at the increase in self harm and suicide as well as ROGD. I've been asking what we can do as adult women as mothers, grandmothers, aunts, teachers, members of society to support our girls and help them build resilience.

The Social Dilemma obviously concentrated on the social media aspect, which I do believe is part of it and I think we need to be aware what our daughters are doing online and set limits. But I think that's only one part.

One thing that might help is more physical activity. Not necessarily competitive sport, but activities like hiking, dancing, swimming, martial arts. Appreciating your body for what it can do, rather than just how other people are viewing you.

I don't know, it's something I've just started to think about.

Boundaries, Hecates, yes absolutely.

Consent, boundaries, self confidence. I think critical thinking generally is something that is becoming ever-more important to teach - I believe schools are starting to do a bit of this.

*"I think highlighting strong role models, non-conforming women, lesbians, women of all creeds, sizes, colours, seems a good way to help."

This is no different than the quote that came from Teresa May when she was an MP in the 80s, saying that in order to stop girls becoming Lesbians they needed to be given good male role models.

Same shit different decade.*

That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

What a grand idea for a thread OP. I'm with you on this: I'm thinking something that firmly teaches girls that they are allowed to have boundaries. So much of the lobbying effort by genderists has gone into breaking down boundaries for girls: asserting that it isn't kind if they don't share spaces and move over for 'needier' people at a time when they no doubt feel like shrinking themselves anyway, encouraging them to believe anyone can be a girl at a time when they must be able to see that boys are developing more power and strength both physically and metaphorically (no wonder they believe they too can opt out), encouraging lesbians to believe they can't exclude people with penises from their sexuality and on and on. There's so much more around the objectification of women and pontification of relationships that I could get into, but don't want to write an essay...

I notice that a certain PP has asserted that there's no way they would consider themselves to be like other girls which is also a brilliant spotlight on internalised misogyny and the disdain with which girls generally are viewed.

To the poster above me, the whole point is that it's not about fashions or celebrity crushes or any of that. It's about being comfortable in one's skin as who one is, i.e. a member of the female of the species, and not being in any way limited by that or expected to be interested in certain things. To look forward fearlessly to becoming an adult (human female) without thinking it means that you have to like X or not like Y. You can see from this thread alone that plenty of us don't like or do the "typical" things! But yes - we care about other people. It's sad that that in itself is often seen as suspect in today's world. So often you see or hear a defensive "how does it affect you?", as if you can't stand up for anything unless you are directly and materially affected yourself (though if you are, you then get called biased, so I'm not sure who is allowed to have an opinion on what).

Changes have to happen at society levels to have any effect. I thought the new RSE would be a good start as it was supposed to tackle porn, male entitlement and male violence, but it seems to have been co-opted.

I think pidgeon you ate missing the point

The point is that many of us did fall through the cracks , didn't fit ( don't fit ) but have nevertheless managed to find a way of living that is both true to ourselves yet without any of the potentially harmful aspects that transitioning can involve

It's almost like normal is a lot more diverse than you realise

It's yesterday's trans teenagers that we are suggesting need to have their stories more widely acknowledged. Because trans identification is nothing new, people have felt that way through all of history. What has changed is that it now has a name and how we think it should be managed has changed. Historically it has really been treated as a mental health issue not a physical one.

I don’t have the answer but I have a daughter
The problems are-the internet, keep kids off social media.
Porn
Sexualisation of girls through marketing, TV, clothes and toys
Gender woo obviously

On a personal level, I will model body positivity for my daughter, as I really am delighted with my female body and all its functions, and so she may as well see that as a counterbalance to the negativity that exists (and understandably exists in many cases, e.g. those who have hellish periods)

This is such a moving OP. I wish I had an answer. I wonder if a lot of it is an outcome of the atomised, commercialised, individualistic post-truth slacktivist world we live in. Girls need meaningful relationships and links to actual, resilient, joyful women doing real things in the real world (whether that's professional, voluntary or domestic), to ground them in solid reality and give them a strong foundation. And that, in turn, depends on a fair, healthy and family-friendly economy, among other things.

I must say I'm always a bit sceptical of the idea of offering up an array of "role models", as it's not always the best role models who push themselves forward and get public recognition, and it's only a shallow glimpse of them we get anyway, often fluffed up for public consumption with an "emotional journey" soap opera. But I do think girls need to see women at work in the world, kicking ass. Without it being made a big thing of like "look! A WOMAN, doing science, like a man, I bet you didn't know that was possible"."look! The first WOMAN to do X - aren't you grateful?". Just "here is Sarah, the CEO of X", kind of thing.

So... I realise that's not the most helpful post! Interested to read the thread.

Why should you care what the people do when they're older!? Yes puberty is awful and one of the reasons I hated talking about my struggles was the patronizing attitude of most people. Like 'Oh yeah periods suck but its your body getting ready for having babies when you're older.' I'm childfree, periods serve no purpose to me what so ever.

"...a welcome for young girls to the sisterhood?" Ugh sounds like a cult and I feel physically sick right now.

I have never felt like most other girls, I have never been interested in their music, their shows, their celebrity crushes, their books, their fashion. How about instead of inducting people into the status quo and conformity, we support those who fall into the cracks and are ostracised?

This is no different than the quote that came from Teresa May when she was an MP in the 80s, saying that in order to stop girls becoming Lesbians they needed to be given good male role models.

Same shit different decade.

Excellent thread. I do think ultimately this all comes down to the proliferation of porn. It's the massive elephant in the room, the antithesis of women's rights, that needs to be tackled. Regulation badly needs to happen if not outright eradication.

We got given a book for teens by some influencer or other Gemma Someone. Never heard of her. The page on periods began - Not Only Girls Have Periods. I threw it in the bin. I’m not sending it to Oxfam - I want it safely away from young eyes.

My next goal is to call out this sort of nonsense magical thinking. Children and teens think it’s gospel. It’s nonsense. I will also not use ‘trans child’ or any similar formulation.

Waiting for the day when MN allows us to stop using TW. Only women are women and girls should be able to look forward to being women. It’s not available to all.

Also waiting generally for MN to step up on this. The tide is turning ....Helping girls become women would be a fantastic MN campaign. Its not going to happen but it should happen.

I also have female friends who felt same, including one who insisted on being called Keith for many years of her youth!

Oh, and campaigns for better mental health support for all children and young people. Let's invest in our youth