Hermes Delivery Driver Sexual Harassment

Well she was there and we weren't so if she felt it was creepy and out of order then it probably was.

The automatic reaction to tell women and girls not to make a fuss is really damaging.

When I was a girl we never mentioned anything that happened with street weirdos etc for this reason.

You're supposed not to over react, make a fuss etc.

In this case daughter goes to mum days essentially this bloke freaked me out.

Mum says don't be so silly/ he was joking/ you're over reacting / you need to learn how to put up with this stuff/ why didn't you say X/ why not just smile he was just lonely and bored/ etc etc etc etc etc

Bluntness and I said that pages back, Autumnblooms but it went unanswered

It depends what the slippers look like as it sounds like he was being sarcastic. Large or cartoon slippers are not sexy and that’s the point, they are instead funny.

If they were garish I’d say sexy slippers to a male or female, big or small build.

It’s a tad worrying she is feeling violated about comments on her slippers.

Maybe it’s a regional thing? Most people I know would see this as him taking the piss, not harassing or trying to be hurtful.

The reason the daughter probably reacted quite strongly is because she's opened the front door of her house to this bloke and so having a sexual comment makes you feel more vulnerable.

On the street or in the pub you can walk away/ go into s shop/ there are probably people around if he presses any further.

A bloke you don't know on your doorstep saying something is s big officer because you never know quite where these things are heading so there's more of that split second of oh fuck and I in danger during the interaction.

I do think there is something systematic about it that is designed to prevent our sex from achieving a certain uninterrupted flow in our daily lives. I love being in public, walking, going around on my bike, having random conversations, observing what's around me, and I wonder whether these sorts of intimidating interactions are meant to put us in our place and to remind us that we can never be in charge

Sorry, this is starting to sound a bit tin-foily - is it maybe just a feature of human nature that some people are out to dominate and intimidate others, and men are using inappropriate sexualised behaviour to put women in their place because they know it works?

Excellent point.

I agree that it’s systemic. It’s not about women - our age, appearance, clothes, hairstyle. It’s about men and their attitudes and values.

I agree they think that the public domaine is theirs and that we are only there because they allow us to be - if we look and act in a certain way that is pleasing to them. Hence all all “ smile / cheer up love “ comments. Our faces have to be arranged in a certain way that they approve of, otherwise we shouldn’t be out in public.

Hence the harassment experienced by women out running - we don’t have the right to be sweaty or wear non sexy running gear - we need always to be attractive to men, always putting them and their wishes first in our lives. That’s why so few women go out running alone - they are fed up of the harassment.

But it’s not just in public - This thread is about women in their own homes. They still have to be focussed on random men’s needs for affirmation and always remember their primary role in life as eye candy.

Do you thing that men relaxing at home in old clothes / painting the ceiling worry about answering the door to a delivery driver in case he makes comments about their appearance or what’s in their parcel ? I’m pretty sure they don’t.

BTW I am speaking about men as a class , not your Nigel, I’m sure he’s lovely.

I had somethung solar with a Tesco driver, nothing too racy but made me uncomfortable in my own kitchen. So I reported him. Man on the other end of the phone asked me to extend Tesco's apologies to my husband, of all things!! I challenged him, but he had no idea what I was talking about, so I reported him too.

Thing is, these two men will likely as not do nothing to challenge their own thinking about these sorts of things, just behave differently so as not to get told off again.

This actually happens to me quite alot. Only last week the Hermes driver made a comment about my hair 'I won't ask what you've been doing...or who with..haha'.

I think I must have a look about me...weirdos.

I would put a complaint in right away. This is not harmless and some men don't seem to understand that women are NOT interested to know whether randoms find them sexy or not. They need to learn the hard way unfortunately via a solid complaint.

I'd be willing to bet that if the driver had been delivering to a strapping tall man who was built like a brick shit house he wouldn't have made any such comment.

Don't listen to the apologists on here, OP. Complain, or encourage/help your DD to do so. Women should not have to put up with this twattery and if we don't try to stamp it out it will just continue unchecked.

I contacted amazon to complain about the driver, and they said it was actually delivered by Hermes! Which is so interesting because I had had another Amazon delivery earlier in the day and the driver was respectful, and wearing a mask (as all the Amazon drivers in my area do). He also never needed to take a photo of the parcel. And I got the Amazon message asking to review his delivery but I never got one for the later delivery. And I thought the differences in these two Amazon deliveries were so odd, but now it makes sense.

Anyway, just thought it was interesting - my complaint is with a Hermes driver and not an Amazon driver after all.

Huh. I had a gas engineer recently 1) tell me he works out and takes care of himself, could I tell from his biceps? 2) ask me to guess his age as most people can't believe he is 50! 3) tell me most women over 40 have let themselves go, are overweight so he had to come off OLD to meet the right type of woman (fwiw I'm over 40 and a petite build)
I was in the house alone and it was creepy as fuck but nothing I could actually complain about. I just did the girl thing ofmentioning my partner a lot and now I feel pathetic

Wellthatwassilly
Wayyyyyy over-reaction! He said her slippers were sexy, he didnt say she was sexy.
This is crazy!!

Not an over-reaction to be annoyed/upset about unsolicited sexual remarks at one's own house. Whether it was her slippers, her hair, or anything else about her whatsoever, not his business to say sexy about them.

Unwanted sexual comments are offensive anywhere, but in someone's own space, no, it's not an over-reaction to dislike someone who knows where you live apparently thinking sexual innuendo is ok.

Would you feel differently if OP's daughter had been the victim of rape or recently got out of an abusive relationship? Yes? ok, so: how was this obtrusive pest to know that she hasn't?

I had similar with an M&S driver I tried complaining to M&S who brushed it off until I said I'd be informing the papers etc about it I won't go into details but it was a delivery of school uniforms for my DC and the driver suggested I'm might like to try it on.

Anyway they got back to me with a grudging apology and flowers. I said the point was that I was an adult and capable of dealing with it but what if he'd said that to a teenager or a vulnerable adult? The owner of the delivery company was much better he came to speak to me and the driver was moved to a storeroom job and had to go on a harassment awareness course.

Wayyyyyy over-reaction! He said her slippers were sexy, he didnt say she was sexy.

This is crazy!!

Despite some of the unfounded accusations of excusing the driver's behaviour (which literally everyone on here accepts was bad), this is an interesting thread because it just shows how pervasive the issue of unwanted, creepy, but not illegal, male behaviour is, when you are just a woman going about your business in public space. I'm fascinated to hear that it doesn't matter whether you're a teenager or in middle age, you still get that sort of behaviour, and it creates fear, intimidation, worry.

I do think there is something systematic about it that is designed to prevent our sex from achieving a certain uninterrupted flow in our daily lives. I love being in public, walking, going around on my bike, having random conversations, observing what's around me, and I wonder whether these sorts of intimidating interactions are meant to put us in our place and to remind us that we can never be in charge.

Sorry, this is starting to sound a bit tin-foily - is it maybe just a feature of human nature that some people are out to dominate and intimidate others, and men are using inappropriate sexualised behaviour to put women in their place because they know it works?