Breastfeeding support group wants to allow males

"Gender neutral language for pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding is actively harmful for women like me that need to find that power within to succeed."

It's actively harmful for all women, and especially women who struggle with pregnancy, childbirth and/or breastfeeding for whatever reason.
It makes me fucking furious. It made me especially angry and upset when I was pregnant and struggling. Now I'm no longer pregnant - breastfeeding though - and my hormones have calmed down, but I am never going to change my strong opinion about this issue.

OP, on a practical note. If you still need breastfeeding support, ask your HV to refer you to the infant feeding team. I had a video call with mine and I believe you can send photos and videos securely, too. Also look up breastfeeding support groups nationally and locally as I'm sure many of them will be offering confidential one-to-one support with the option to share photos and videos securely.

I'd find out who the stepped-down admins are and PM them. Maybe they know of a new group you can join. I'd also try and search for my pictures and delete them. (Search your own surname in the group).

This is terrible. The numbers of mothers breastfeeding is so reduced. The difference a good leader and support for the mother is invaluable. At a time when a mother needs all the support she can get. Just a little tip, tweak or reassurance can make all the difference. And the people running that group are walking over the very people it is set up to help to pander to a different group of people.

I was so lucky to breastfeed when I did. My group was breastfeeding mothers with a nurse for leader. It was all about supporting us and no complicating or diluting that focus. Never mind trying to gaslight us. I hope you are far enough along that you won't suffer from the lack of proper support.

Posting before reading thread so apols if this has been covered.

Feminists want equality for all genders.

That's bollocks. Feminism fights for all female genders to be viewed as equally human. All the different "types" of female adult human: butches and femmes, maidens mothers and crones, madonnas and whores, crazy cat ladies and jet-setting career women, transmen and t*rfs - the recipients of all of these "genders" are of equal human worth.

The myriad genders of male are not the priority.

Anyone with the equipment to breastfeed should be good to join. Doesn’t matter how they label themselves. Anyone who wants to join and is having problems breastfeeding - but has the equipment also good to join.

Someone who can’t ever be able to breastfeed, hasn’t got the necessary equipment or is taking medication to artificially create liquid in order to do this - should be on another group surely?

Why are people bending over backwards to miss the whole point of groups and societies and focus on people who would never have been given the time of day a couple of years ago? It’s wasting valuable time and energy and the whole flipping point. So scared of looking bad eh?

I don't think any language gymnastics would work with them tbh. Its the very fact that women are trying to gather without the presense of men that is the issue I think really, not the name of the group.,

I wonder if a group described as ‘for breastfeeding mothers in the postpartum period’ with a rule saying members could remain for the entirety of their breastfeeding journey would get round the woke bullies?

That would rule out male trans ‘mothers‘ because they aren’t post partum and female trans and NB who don’t call themselves ‘mothers’.

Apologies for my awful typos. Its always the same when I use the upstairs laptop..I cannot get into the habit of proofreading before posting as my typing is generally pretty much 100% accurate, but some keys are going on here

The problem with including transmen in groups like these (ones that specifically discuss female biological function) is the inevitable language policing that comes with it (sometimes by wokish women on behalf of transmen, who haven’t actually even requested it themselves).

Hmm yes I didn't think of this part.

You would think, that if transmen were needing beastfeeding (chestfeeding, whatever) support, a group setup for them and people like them would be best anyway. Then people would already not use 'woman centric language' and potentially upset them. Plus I imagine its a very different practise when you are juggling hormones and such, along with other issues transmen may face that other women do not.

I don't think its generally transmen who care about words such as mother being used though. Maybe the odd few might find it 'triggering' but honestly, if you go through a pregnancy and give birth, its a bit weird to whinge that people identify you as female? IDK, always seems odd. I cannot see that even if many transmen did find stuff triggering, that they would make such a fuss about it either..it always seems to be wokey woke people who are 'tras allies' who kick off about people saying women instead of uterus havers or whatever. Reminds me in a way of those who will insist that Muslim people should not have to hear the word xmas or see anything to do with xmas...while yes its used by the DM as a way to get people to attack Muslims, there ARE a lot of non-Muslim people who will language police others on behalf of the Muslim people, meanwhile, the Muslim people I know are quietly bemused by the idea they will collapse in a heap if they see someone putting up a xmas tree, but speaking up to those who are policing others on their behalf..often results in them being attacked also! TBF the only transmen I know are 'non transitioning' as such, one is on testosterone but most are just what we would have called 'tomboys' or similar a few years back, but I have yet to come across one who thinks its a bad thing to name women as women, and female problems as female problems! They do not even kick off about personal pronouns, the only people I have ever seen kicking off about pronouns are male trans people. And allies.

Its all such a fucking mess. And I don't know all the answers. But I will never agree with whats currently going on with womens groups. I find it pathetic, selfish, vile and any other negative word you can think of really. Women need their spaces. They are not just pawns in some fucked up oppression top trumps game. They have their own needs and wants, seperate to those of men. Maybe seperate to those of other women too, and thats OK.

I've just seen an admin answer a question (I wondered if dads can join this group?) - Just to add to what has been said, we do welcome men/ dads if they are the ones breastfeeding

See, I interpret that as a very GC answer... interesting.

Like, even reddit groups for illnesses that ONLY FEMALE PEOPLE GET are colonised by males

Just to add for information for anyone interested, this has also happened on Facebook support groups where the group has been colonised or if resisted, the group has been destroyed. It is viewed that it is better that women, even with life destroying or life limiting illness, go without support or their contact with friends than fail to bow to this political agenda, and these supports for female people who were bothering no one have been selfishly and wantonly destroyed.

It is truly revolting. Which is why I become so very angry when this agenda dares to try using the word 'kind'.

I'm baffled as to why opinions were sought only to be deleted. Did you notice they said no arguing and then any anti posts were jumped on?

Because the decision was made before the post. My conspiracy side says they wanted the people who would;t like it to speak out, so they could weed the undesirables from the crop before the men arrived But again, thats just my cynical side. Its depressing as fuck, whats happening to all womens spaces, no matter what they are. Like, even reddit groups for illnesses that ONLY FEMALE PEOPLE GET are colonised by males, who I have see whinging that the females suffering from the illnesses should not moan as at least they 'can have this female experience'. Its vile.

Perhaps it needs to be set up. Will it eventually lead to reports for being discriminatory?

Unfortunately given the current climate, yes it would be relentlessly attacked. I have a feeling this is why so many current groups are 'falling' tbh, as people who set up the groups clearly know its better for them to be a female only space in the first place..otherwise they would have made a mixed sex group (which I have no issue with, but its a different thing in my mind, but hat could be clouded by my own experiences)

You couldn't even say it was for 'born female people', as much as wokey language annoys me, as it would be attacked even more with that wording. Its shit. I do think female only stuff will have to go underground, like so many (actual) lesbian groups and such have had to.

I’m sorry that happened to your group.
I had a terrible time breastfeeding my second (posterior tongue tie and milk allergy) and if I hadn’t been able to access consistent, robust, woman-centred support I could easily have ended up isolated and depressed.

It’s bad enough being anxious about giving an opinion for fear of being cancelled for alleged tervism, I can’t imagine how difficult it is to be anxious to ask for help.

A mix of groups with clearly defined memberships is presumably the answer, dads can go in the same ones as transmen.

I’m a long way past my peer supporter days but there must be people out there who can facilitate a woman only group!

Obvious bold fail.

*The problem with including transmen in groups like these (ones that specifically discuss female biological function) is the inevitable language policing that comes with it (sometimes by wokish women on behalf of transmen, who haven’t actually even requested it themselves).

Women are eventually banned from using words like ‘mother’ ‘breastfeeding’ and starting posts with salutations such as ‘Hey ladies!’

It all becomes a depressing and alienating purity spiral and most importantly of all, it gets in the way of the groups main aim, supporting as many women to achieve their breastfeeding aims as possible.*

This exactly. After a trans man joined my local breastfeeding support group, the focus pretty soon shifted from discussing breastfeeding issues to debating terms and policing tone. Threads would be instantly derailed for "non-inclusive" language and women would stop posting because they were afraid they would not get the new terminology right. Said trans man would post selfies and women would fall all over themselves to validate them in their manly manliness.

There are some well known large online bf groups that do encourage male partners to join.

If any intersex women are breastfeeding, then presumably they'd be welcome. If not, then not.

Vulva the knobber who turned up to your support group reminds me of why entitled men should NEVER get their own way and muscle in to female spaces. What an absolute arse!!!

Also female only would not mean excluding transmen as implied, as transmen are female people.

I cannot see that many transmen would be breastfeeding though, but on the offchance they are, of course they are welcome!

My only experience of this would be the breastfeeding support group I was in when attempting to relactate after bad advice from hospital made me NOT BF when I really wanted to. It was not single sex by rule, but it was only women, no men had joined (maybe because, theres no reason for men to). A man turned up to one session..minus breastfeeding partner oddly enough, and that whole session then revolved around him. We even had to listen to whingeing about how his partner BFing was making her more tired and he wasn't getting much sex even though her 'stitches had healed' Hence, me totally understanding why you would want female only.