Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

Breastfeeding support group wants to allow males

306 replies

user643899 · 22/11/2020 20:03

I am in a Facebook group for breastfeeding support.

There's a new comment from admin asking if we'd be comfortable with males joining the group, then a subsequent poll.

I commented on said poll, "I am a feminist. Call me a terf. Biologically you are male or female. Feel free to identify as what you wish but you cannot change your sex. This group is for breastfeeding. Only females can breastfeed."

I was called a bigot. One comment read, "you aren't a feminist. Feminists want equality for all genders." I responded,"Equality for both sexes, yes. Female is a sex. Feminism derives from the word, female."

Now my original comment has been deleted. I daren't comment again through fear of removal.

I'm upset. This is the group I used when I had thrush. I posted pictures of the thrush on my boob. I can't be comfortable in a group made for my sex.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
11
Original poster
user643899 · 22/11/2020 20:30

@TriflePudding

Keep reiterating that you aren’t comfortable in a mixed sex support group, (and refer back to your photo etc). Try to keep the focus on the need for female only support.

Its so fucking frustrating that we are currently being dragged back to before we could have women only groups/spaces etc!

I really want to comment but I've had two deleted. I can't say that I'm not comfortable. Other comments stating this were deleted. One remains, people are calling them transphobic etc.
OP posts:
Original poster
user643899 · 22/11/2020 20:28

Just to clarify, the question regarding men joining us about those who identify as male/ female.
I know this because it was mentioned in the original question.
Also that several admin had to step down as they disagree with the concept.
I haven't jumped the gun. This isn't about partners or dads joining, it is about people who identify as male/ female. Transfemales/ transmales

OP posts:
BlackWaveComing · 22/11/2020 20:27

God, I used to hate the blokes who felt they were entitled to attend breastfeeding groups.

We had one who trained as a community.educator, which might have been ok if he'd been educating men about the realities of b/feeding and the support they could give their partners, but he thought he could do community education of women and girls. He wanted to train as an LC. Talk about red flags.

Sorry, OP. Your group is going to ignore the needs of many women in the group, because some men want in. That's how it goes, unless you're very lucky in your group leaders.

Do you have local groups, with breastfeeding counsellors? Maybe you can obtain one on one support that way? Sorry, not in the UK, so not sure what the ABA or LLL equivalent is.

ByGrabtharsHammerWhatASavings · 22/11/2020 20:27

I'm a bit confused by your post tbh. I assume that they either want to allow transmen to join in a "people of any gender can breastfeed" sense, or transwomen in a "I'm a fantasist looking for validation" sense. The former I'd have no problem with as long as it wasn't the start of endless language policing within the group. The latter not so much, for obvious reasons.

The breastfeeding group I'm in is for breastfeesing mums and their partners but I can count on one hand the number of posts I've seen by people with male names. One of them made a fuss about women in the group starting posts like "hey ladies" and the response was almost 100% "get over it or fuck off". Realistically the set of transmen who can or will breastfeed is very very small but it only takes one militant language policer within a group to spoil it for everyone if they aren't robustly challenged.

My group has a rule that nothing political is allowed to be discussed ever and all posts have to be approved before being published. As a result there are hardly any off topic discussions or arguments. Doesnt sound like the admin in your group is much use though so maybe time to look for a new one.

TriflePudding · 22/11/2020 20:27

Keep reiterating that you aren’t comfortable in a mixed sex support group, (and refer back to your photo etc). Try to keep the focus on the need for female only support.

Its so fucking frustrating that we are currently being dragged back to before we could have women only groups/spaces etc!

Typesofcatalogue · 22/11/2020 20:26

I’m not sure this thread is making sense.

Original poster
user643899 · 22/11/2020 20:26

@Duckwit

But transwomen don't breastfeed?
But chest feeding they can do apparently, it can offer comfort at the very least, one of the comments said.
OP posts:
PamDenick · 22/11/2020 20:26

The group sought your opinion.

Are you comfortable with this?
There was a yes or no answer to give.
You politely gave your answer.
You didn’t need to explain why.
You didn’t need to be name called for expressing your preference.

You need to put this to the group.

Similarly, women due to give birth are asked if they are comfortable with a male midwife. (I was, anyhow). If your opinion is sought they do not need to criticise you for giving it.

Duckwit · 22/11/2020 20:25

Surely rather than going down the 'I'm a TERF' route you would have been better just questioning why transwomen need to join a group about breastfeeding?

NiceGerbil · 22/11/2020 20:25

It sounds like a bad idea to open the group up completely.

Lot of weirdos about. Why do they want to do that?

What went wrong with the other group they had?

Original poster
user643899 · 22/11/2020 20:25

@BungleandGeorge

Surely the answer is that anyone who is breastfeeding can join. Although I do t know how you’d police that
Which is what I said. My comment was deleted and I was called, bigot, terf.
OP posts:
Original poster
user643899 · 22/11/2020 20:24

@firstimemamma

My fiancé came with me to my local bf group once (a few years ago). He was only there for a mere ten mins and learned so much about breastfeeding in that time. He was able to have questions answered face to face by a professional and then as a result was able to support me with breastfeeding at home. He was a great support to me and I honestly don't think I would've survived cluster feeding without him!
It's not about dads. It's about people who identify as female and people who identify as men. Specific references to chest feeding, inrersex, discrimination, gender identity.
OP posts:
Duckwit · 22/11/2020 20:24

But transwomen don't breastfeed?

DidoLamenting · 22/11/2020 20:23

@Level75

It sounds like you got on your high horse about trans issues when they were probably just asking because some fathers wanted to learn about breastfeeding.
Yes I agree. Your response really doesn't make a great deal of sense in the context here.
Clymene · 22/11/2020 20:23

I think men should be banned from breastfeeding support groups - online or IRL. Only women breastfeed

BungleandGeorge · 22/11/2020 20:23

Surely the answer is that anyone who is breastfeeding can join. Although I do t know how you’d police that

Original poster
user643899 · 22/11/2020 20:22

@Level75

It sounds like you got on your high horse about trans issues when they were probably just asking because some fathers wanted to learn about breastfeeding.
Because it was mentioned in the first question. Also mentioned that several admin had stepped down as they don't agree with it.
OP posts:
Duckwit · 22/11/2020 20:21

So they have referred to transwomen as 'males' then? How terribly transphobic of them!

Why on earth do they think that transwomen would want to join a group about breastfeeding?!

firstimemamma · 22/11/2020 20:21

My fiancé came with me to my local bf group once (a few years ago). He was only there for a mere ten mins and learned so much about breastfeeding in that time. He was able to have questions answered face to face by a professional and then as a result was able to support me with breastfeeding at home. He was a great support to me and I honestly don't think I would've survived cluster feeding without him!

Original poster
user643899 · 22/11/2020 20:21

@Duckwit

Yes, I would assume that it's beary woke dads who want to join, rather than transwomen (who, we are constantly told, are women not 'males' Wink)

YANBU to state that you wouldn't be comfortable with blokes on the group, but I don't quite understand why you assumed they meant transwomen?

They were specifically mentioned in question.

It isn't about dads. It's about people who identify as male or female.

OP posts:
NiceGerbil · 22/11/2020 20:20

Why didn't the other group work out?

Presumably the m2f people would have bf partners? I don't understand. Have they had lots of requests?

Level75 · 22/11/2020 20:20

It sounds like you got on your high horse about trans issues when they were probably just asking because some fathers wanted to learn about breastfeeding.

Duckwit · 22/11/2020 20:19

Yes, I would assume that it's beary woke dads who want to join, rather than transwomen (who, we are constantly told, are women not 'males' Wink)

YANBU to state that you wouldn't be comfortable with blokes on the group, but I don't quite understand why you assumed they meant transwomen?

Original poster
user643899 · 22/11/2020 20:18

Apparently they made another group for chest feeding and males but it didn't work out.

They are centering it around transgender people so men who identify as women rather than dads specifically but I'm sure they'd be allowed too.

OP posts:
Original poster
user643899 · 22/11/2020 20:17

Oh great. A new comment:

"people often forget we have 300,000 inrersex people in the UK..."

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread