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Original poster

Women who grew up with self- deprecating mums-

37 replies

christmasclove · 07/11/2020 19:28

How did you/did you break the cycle in time for raising kids?
I really don't want to repeat this.

OP posts:
Siameasy · 07/11/2020 21:24

Oh I recognise this.
My mum (and mil) both seem to apologise for their existence via their body language. They seem to want to take up the least space possible.
My dad used to put my mum down a lot - and me too.
I think that if you see this as a child you either copy it or it makes you angry - in my case I sort of subconsciously decided to be quite offensive.
A big thing for us at home (I have a daughter and a DH) is you are allowed to be yourself in your own home. There is no tip toeing and no eggshells with DH. My mum still tip toes round my dad ffs
Another motto I like is don’t apologise don’t explain. Grin

legalseagull · 07/11/2020 21:01

My mum was constantly critical of her weight and on one diet or another. I've vowed not to be like that

Original poster
christmasclove · 07/11/2020 20:49

It is hard work! I've seen my sister try incredibly hard to not repeat the same mistakes around my niece and mostly it has worked. Hats off to you 💗

OP posts:
chasegirl · 07/11/2020 20:45

My Mom is the same, seemingly not good at anything (according to her). She apologies for food too.

It takes a lot of conscious effort on my part not to be like that as I'm sure its affected my confidence throughout my life and don't want my daughter to feel like that. It's hard work.

Original poster
christmasclove · 07/11/2020 20:40

I think we have a responsibility to strive to end the cycle to free our daughters.

OP posts:
hellotoday27 · 07/11/2020 20:35

Actually, she still does this

hellotoday27 · 07/11/2020 20:35

My mum did this.

Original poster
christmasclove · 07/11/2020 19:50

I've spoken with my sister about this and we've come to a similar conclusion every time that it'll always be a work in progress...
My mum does the same re food "Sorry this is so crap." 😞😖

OP posts:
ILoveAnOwl · 07/11/2020 19:49

I try not to do it since someone once called me on it. Not in a horrid way but she pointed out I was a capable woman who knew what I was talking about. I now call my mum on it when she does it too.

HecatesCats · 07/11/2020 19:44

Still don't think I have. I'm working really hard on it and trying to check myself when it's relevant with the kids. My Mum still apologises for her poor food before she serves a meal. That isn't even the half of it.

Original poster
christmasclove · 07/11/2020 19:38

@Crocodilian can I ask if you were raised by an overbearing father as well as self deprecating mum? Please feel free not to answer if that's tmi.

OP posts:
Crocodilian · 07/11/2020 19:32

Following as I'm in the same boat!