advice on a male teacher at DDs school please

No wonder men get away with a whole range of inappropriate behaviours given some of the replies on this thread

Sorry, I missed the bit where this teacher was doing anything inappropriate?

No wonder men get away with a whole range of inappropriate behaviours given some of the replies on this thread.

Yawn.

No wonder men get away with a whole range of inappropriate behaviours given some of the replies on this thread.

He should have his social media locked down so students can't see it (no matter who he follows) and if girls are uncomfortable around him then they should be listened to. Does not mean he should be sacked, but the girls should be allowed to articulate why they are uncomfortable.

I think it’s entirely possible to teach teens to be wary, trust their instincts but still be kind. So teach them that you never accept a lift from a teacher, chat to them online or go anywhere alone with them but that you also give people the benefit of the doubt and don’t seek to demonise them just because you have a ‘bad feeling’.

Why did you change your story op? You said in your first post that a girl asked you if it was appropriate and yet now you’re saying it was a boy. Which is it?

Spot. On.

Its weird isn't it.

I do not actually get the sense that the OP wats this guy fired. Or that she plans to complain about the 'feeling' some of the girls get from this guy. It looks like, shes open to whatever, she was informed of the social media thing which is clearly inappropriate, brought that up with the head and it is sorted. Every teacher I know has their social media accounts locked down, as it seems to be common for kids to do this, its an entirely sensible thing to do, to lock down incase you post something thats appropriate for your friends but would be innapropriate for 13 year olds to see you say/do. I thought this would be school policy everywhere so am a bit shocked to find out it is not. But thats besides the point, that part is dealt with, as thats the part OP raised. Rightly.

The rest, it appears she is wanting to..well talk about this. She has not named the teacher, its literally an unnamed random 'young male PE teacher', could be any of thousands. So posting the thread is not trying to whip up a storm or get him sacked or start a witch hunt. This is an anon guy. IF he was identifiable, it would be different. But he is not.

This mother, a bit concerned about some of her daughters friends and DD feeling a bit creeped out by a guy who they say 'looks at them' (which very well could be innocent of course, not seen anyone denying this) is talking about her DDs experience/her opinion on it. Without identifying anyone. On a feminism board.

Many women have replied, varying answers.

I do not see what she has done wrong?

Nor what the girls have done to deserve the many many posts along the lines of 'girls are bitchy', 'they must fancy him', 'its obviously nothing' and such?!

And many 'well what do you expect from a 'feeling'?, 'you want him sacked?!' , 'you just want a female teacher' and so on.

Its massively odd reading for a board focussed on women and girls.

I am not understanding the angst, from certain quarters. This guy is at no risk from us talking, maybe talking about our own experiences, talking about the gut feelings we have had (that might have been right or wrong) and so on. We are not saying all guys are creepy. Nor all male teachers are bad. Nothing at all like that.

WHAT is so wrong about the thread? I must be missing something big here.

He’s a young man. He’s entitled to follow young women on his SM.

I also don’t think this is an issue of girls not being believed. Far from it - the OP has made quite clear that she also thinks the teacher is a wrong’un. In fact, vague assertions from the girls are being made into something much bigger. It’s incredibly dangerous to have a blanket policy that we will act on the smallest feeling that children have about someone. If he behaves inappropriately, of course investigate the allegations and act accordingly. But don’t take the view that if a group of girls say they have an ‘ick’ feeling about someone that this must mean that there is an underlying issue and launch an investigation.

I don’t for the life of me understand why anyone would want to teach. Shit pay, long hours and parental/student bullying. I feel so awful in hindsight over how we, as kids, treated some of our secondary school teachers. There were exceptions but in general we (state comp, late 90s, early 00s) were pretty vile to the ones that we didn’t like and we got away with it. We really aren’t living in an era where parents automatically believe the teacher and disbelieve the child and this wasn’t the case when I was at school either. Quite the opposite in fact.

We had a supply teacher for English who had a bit of a stammer and was generally a bit bumbling. He was unable to properly control the class and pupils would do/say awful things when his back was turned. One girl put a big fleece hoody on in class that wasn’t part of the uniform. He told her to take it off and she yelled at the top of her lungs ‘ewww, Mr X, did you just tell me to take my top off?’ so that it could be heard in the other classrooms that had the door open. Everyone laughed of course. That’s just one example of so so many of where everyone thought it would be fun to bully teachers. But the supply teacher had done absolutely nothing wrong and I don’t know how he managed to stick it for several months to be honest. I think some parents would be shocked at how their little darlings act at school.

You’ve got an agenda and you’re pissed off the school isn’t being run how you think it should be.

That’s the scoop here.

Your story has changed massively from the op and you have contradicted yourself.

When I was teaching I deliberately did not have any social media accounts. I also loved about 15 miles from school I worked at. Teachers are open to do many accusations it is only sensible they take steps to protect themselves or never be alone with s child in classroom. If just one or two in class with you leave door open etc.

You appear to think he's guilty already.

If this happened weeks ago, and the school have dealt with it, and you’re happy with how they dealt with it, why are you posting asking for advice on a male teacher at DDs school? Surely it’s done and dealt with?

This weird influence and the social need to comply isn't unheard of. These events where you get a whole class or year group suddenly claiming that they feel ill, and the subsequent investigation finding that none of them are, for instance.

There has to be a happy medium between unquestioning attitude that a bunch of pupils must be believed without question, and allowing abusers free rein.

I know a few trainee teachers. On the 1st day of their course this year they were told to make their social media private. On the 2nd day their lecturer took them through what a quick google could find of them online and they explained a few tips to avoid pupils finding them online. It’s a simple essential part of life as a teacher. It’s not rocket science and a bit weird tbh that he’s not sorted this out himself. The instincts of the girls should be listened to.

Sadly, quite a lot of the time the feelings were wrong. I used to think my 15 year old friend who had a 28 year old boyfriend was super cool and grown up (he wasn’t a teacher). It’s only in hindsight that I can see how damaging and wrong that was

I used to spend a great deal of time going out if my way to prove everyone "wrong" even as a teen. Always thinking to myself I was being unkind or unfair or they haven't done anything. It didn't end well. I got into alot of jams. Situations I never would have gotten into if I'd listened to my gut feelings instead of talking myself out of them.

I certainly never found people creepy because they were old or tall or male or eccentric or whatever. I.was the school weirdo obsessed with horror films so weird didn't phase me in the slightest.

I'm.jusy saying we shouldn't be so quick to dismiss feelings all the time. Its not 100 percent, but certainly whenever I've had them, I've been right in some way, more often than I.was wrong. My mistake was not having the feelings, it was ignoring them.

I haven't said fire the guy. Nor would I push it any further.

But I wouldn't tell my child to not be " a silly little girl" or whatever other accusations are being thrown aroung about these girls either.

One day, probably not with this teacher , maybe not even at school ,.but someday,.somewhere those feelings could be the difference between being safe or not.

So we do need to be careful about how we dismiss them ..

Hi OP, if the girls are getting "vibes" and feeling the "ick" they need to be believed. Irrespective of the SM issue ANY child who expresses feeling uncomfortable around a certain adult should be believed and the relationship investigated. The fact that a number of the girls feel the same way is definitely a red flag 🚩

I completely understand that it may be "Ooh I don't like the way Sir looks at me" and a few girls jump on the bandwagon as it were, but we need to foster an open attitude and let all children know that their feelings are valid and they should trust their intuition. If the children don't feel that they're going to be believed they won't report and (worst case scenario) they are left vulnerable...

And yes at my school, there were copious lesbian rumours if someone had short hair or looked ‘butch’. It was total nonsense but as you say, we would voice our discomfort about how we thought the lesbian teachers were looking at our legs etc. I don’t know if any of them were gay (not that it would have mattered) but I highly doubt they would have been remotely interested in 14 year old girls if they were, so all this ‘discomfort’ was in our somewhat immature minds.

Never underestimate the drama-generating ability of a 14 year old girl (boys are too in to football and video games at that age).

That said, I would make the school aware of his SM and ask him to remove/make private. That will be enough for him to be "on the radar" to other teachers.

I think parents like the OP are more dangerous than a young PE teacher forgetting to set his SM to private.

You should be ashamed of yourself OP.

Yes if there's nothing concrete or no actual facts then that's it, nothing you can do , but we all knew teachers who have us the creeps...how often were those feelings wrong...

Sadly, quite a lot of the time the feelings were wrong. I used to think my 15 year old friend who had a 28 year old boyfriend was super cool and grown up (he wasn’t a teacher). It’s only in hindsight that I can see how damaging and wrong that was. The teachers who ‘gave me the creeps’ if you like were probably more due to them being old or weird and not because they were predators. Predators are able to prey on girls precisely because they don’t come across as creepy. Different when you’re talking young kids but not teen girls. There, you’ll want to be wary of the teacher that’s mates with everyone. That’s the one to watch out for.

Your dd is in year 9 and weirded our about her pe teacher following sportsmodels and fitness models? Then let her check out her fellow male classmates SM. Is she going to be weirded out then too? And think this is"creepy"?

Come on op.
Pe teacher did nothing wrong. Or actually just 1 thing, and that is not setting his insta on private.
and jeez. Just because he watches the girls why doing PE he is creepy? ?? Uh no. It is his job.

You are just looking for reasons to start something here op...