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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

advice on a male teacher at DDs school please

511 replies

happydappy2 · 04/11/2020 12:48

My DD in year 9 used to have a wonderful female PE teacher who went on mat leave & might not come back. Currently a young male teacher has taken over and the girls feel uncomfortable when he watches them doing PE. One of them has looked at his social media & seen who he is following on instagram....lots of female body builders who pose in skimpy barely there bikinis (as is normal for body builders) but also some young women who pose in a very sexualised way in barely there bikinis....lots of boobs & bum on show. (Not topless but good as.) One girl has asked me if that is appropriate for a teacher & I'm struggling with how I feel about this. I would have thought all teachers have to have squeaky clean social media or set it to private. I've asked the headmaster for his views but wondered what others thought-am I over reacting or is this not really OK?

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 04/11/2020 19:47

But of course I’ll bet the op means women. And the girls are of age.
Most likely they'll be adult women, but younger than the parents of secondary aged students and the OP knows calling them girls further fits the narrative they're trying to create.

If he's done something wrong or behaved unprofessionally then it needs reporting and investigating. What concerns me is that (specific issue aside) this could be another case of parents and students don't like new teacher so create drama, which happens more often than you'd imagine.

CorianderLord · 04/11/2020 19:45

I think it's very inappropriate for your daughter and her friends to be stalking their male teachers social media. He should have it private but it's not nudes - it's swimwear and body builders and he is a sporty person.

ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble · 04/11/2020 19:44

@NiceGerbil

I find it pretty depressing that on FWR the advice to a girl who is unsettled by a man (any man) is. He's done nothing wrong. Ignore it. He's probably a great guy and it's not fair on him to feel like that when he's done nothing. Etc etc

Creep radar should always be listened to. Telling girls stuff like this means that don't have the tools to get out in time in other circs. Don't be rude. It's not fair to think that. He's not done anything wrong...

A nope from me.

The advice is for the mum, who already complained to the school and is bothered about who the PE teacher follows. The head has dealt with that , and stated he should've had his account private. Most of us agree with that.

That doesn't mean her daughter should befriend the teacher,bake him cookies,spend time with him alone or anything bar doing her PE lesson, where the only complaint is that they are uncomfortable with him watching them.

What exactly makes them uncomfortable and why is not yet clear.

The school can't do anything about a feeling ,especially if it's not backed by behaviour. I mean,I suppose they could swap him for another teacher but that would depend on staffing resources and could cause other issues.

Deliriumoftheendless · 04/11/2020 19:43

Whether you agree with his choice in who he follows on Insta or not I don’t believe school’s SM policies would cover what accounts you follow as long as they’re not stuff like EDL etc.

His insta should be locked but if he isn’t posting or making public comments I can’t see how a school social media policy can have any say over whether he follows bikini models or not.

I follow fitness instructors and bikini competitors as some are my RL friends, some are just inspo. I also follow horror movie creature effect makers and horror film accounts. My SM is private but just because I work with kids shouldn’t mean in my private time I can’t view things that are in appropriate for kids.

DidoLamenting · 04/11/2020 19:43

This post says he follows girls

That's the OP's words. "Girls/ young women" have very flexible meanings on FWR.

Quillink · 04/11/2020 19:43

Year 9 not 9 years old, Jennifer.

JenniferSantoro · 04/11/2020 19:41

I’m surprised his social media is not set on private. 9 year olds being on social media is also an issue, it’s far too young. That’s not a criticism of the children, more the parents. @Goosefoot is absolutely right about the fitness industry. Body builders very often do very risqué photoshoots.

Kcar · 04/11/2020 19:40

But of course I’ll bet the op means women. And the girls are of age.

This is all getting stirred up by teenagers to a male teacher because they’re pissed off that their nice female pe teacher is off on maternity leave.

There is no evidence this man has behaved in any way inappropriately.

Kcar · 04/11/2020 19:39

@happydappy2

mistresslggi unsurprisingly the children aren't with me now, so I can't ask them what exactly makes them feel uncomfortable. The point of the thread was asking if it was appropriate for a PE teacher to follow girls who post pictures in barely there bikinis, posing in an overly sexual way (not just body builders-read the OP peeps.) showing lots of boobs & bums. That is the point of the thread.
This post says he follows girls.
OverTheRainbow88 · 04/11/2020 19:37

@Kcar

And what are the parents if the girls on Instagram doing to allow their underage daughters to pose in such sexualised ways? I do hope you have reported that to insta op

I Don’t think they are underage girls...! OP
Said women and Young women in the OP.

MistressIggi · 04/11/2020 19:37

I think the linking of "male teacher has open social media account with pictures sadly all too common in today's society all over it" with "teacher is making my underage daughter uncomfortable by watching her" with all that that implies, is not ok.
I think much of Instagram is disgusting and I think the endless female flesh on display is harmful both to women and men of all ages. I also think predatory males in teaching should be routed out. I do not think that any male pe teacher given a class with girls in it should be viewed as being a predator without any evidence whatsoever.

LolaSmiles · 04/11/2020 19:37

I'm all for acting on instincts and think the gift of fear should be required reading for all women and girls but honestly this sounds like teen girl bitchiness to a new teacher/resistance to change.
The poor bloke hasn't actually done anything wrong and his SM whilst it should be locked, is following other sporting professionals which seems entirely appropriate
I'm inclined to agree here.
He should have had his social media locked down, precisely because theres people out there who will stalk staff online and then complain if they don't like what they see.
Men and women bodybuilder wear very little. It's not a sexy thing. The OP repeatedly claiming it is sounds more like trying to create a narrative that fits the conclusions she's heard from her daughter than trying to be objective. The OP's reaction makes me wonder if theres a bit of over-dramatics going on with the girls too.

Obviously, if there is a safeguarding concern, or he has done something unprofessional then it should be reported, taken seriously and investigated, but a few girls taking a dislike to someone and a parent insisting body building equals publicly sharing sexual content sounds a bit off to me.

Kcar · 04/11/2020 19:36

He’s a PE teacher. Teaching girls PE. Which means he has to look at them.

How do you suggest he does his job?

NiceGerbil · 04/11/2020 19:35

I find it pretty depressing that on FWR the advice to a girl who is unsettled by a man (any man) is. He's done nothing wrong. Ignore it. He's probably a great guy and it's not fair on him to feel like that when he's done nothing. Etc etc

Creep radar should always be listened to. Telling girls stuff like this means that don't have the tools to get out in time in other circs. Don't be rude. It's not fair to think that. He's not done anything wrong...

A nope from me.

Quillink · 04/11/2020 19:34

I am very surprised to see so much support for a teacher publicly following sexualised content on Instagram. It's obvious why some girls will feel creeped out by that. Plus there's the weirdness of role models like teachers normalising the sexualisation of women to teenage boys.

Kcar · 04/11/2020 19:33

And what are the parents if the girls on Instagram doing to allow their underage daughters to pose in such sexualised ways? I do hope you have reported that to insta op.

NiceGerbil · 04/11/2020 19:32

It's really important that girls don't suppress their weird/ creepy men filter. If he makes them feel uncomfortable then he makes them feel uncomfortable.

Head is going to remind teachers to lock down social media- good.

Obviously a girl or girls getting uncomfortable isn't something you can act on. However, please do say to DD thanks for telling me. Keep an eye out for each other. Trust your instincts.

DidoLamenting · 04/11/2020 19:32

@Angryresister

Can I just remind everybody that this is the feminism and women’s rights board. It is ok to raise red flags but the NAMALT and “but women abuse too “ remarks are not helpful .
I think there has been one post saying that.

Other posters have been asking what the teacher actually did to make the girls feel uncomfortable. It's now clear the OP has no idea as she never thought of asking before posting on here.

Kcar · 04/11/2020 19:32

@Angryresister

Can I just remind everybody that this is the feminism and women’s rights board. It is ok to raise red flags but the NAMALT and “but women abuse too “ remarks are not helpful .
This man has, on the face of it, done nothing to any of these girls.

He should have had his social media locked down but other than that he has done nothing wrong.

DownThePlath · 04/11/2020 19:30

@happydappy2

mistresslggi unsurprisingly the children aren't with me now, so I can't ask them what exactly makes them feel uncomfortable. The point of the thread was asking if it was appropriate for a PE teacher to follow girls who post pictures in barely there bikinis, posing in an overly sexual way (not just body builders-read the OP peeps.) showing lots of boobs & bums. That is the point of the thread.
And why wouldn't it be appropriate? He's a grown man, following grown women on instagram. Shock horror.
ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble · 04/11/2020 19:30

Sorry ,just saw you said girls. Does that mean he follows accounts of under 18s?

MistressIggi · 04/11/2020 19:29

Happydappy your attitude really isn't helpful. Are you telling me that prior to me asking, it did not occur to you to ask your dd what she found uncomfortable? You just thought you would post that statement on mumsnet having looked for no further insight at all? Very odd.

Angryresister · 04/11/2020 19:29

Can I just remind everybody that this is the feminism and women’s rights board. It is ok to raise red flags but the NAMALT and “but women abuse too “ remarks are not helpful .

ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble · 04/11/2020 19:29

@happydappy2

mistresslggi unsurprisingly the children aren't with me now, so I can't ask them what exactly makes them feel uncomfortable. The point of the thread was asking if it was appropriate for a PE teacher to follow girls who post pictures in barely there bikinis, posing in an overly sexual way (not just body builders-read the OP peeps.) showing lots of boobs & bums. That is the point of the thread.
It's his business who he follows. His only mistake was that he didn't make his account private.
FrappuccinoFan · 04/11/2020 19:28

Following accounts of grown women on Instagram doesn’t mean he’s a nonce perving on teenagers/children during his job.