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Original poster

advice on a male teacher at DDs school please

511 replies

happydappy2 · 04/11/2020 12:48

My DD in year 9 used to have a wonderful female PE teacher who went on mat leave & might not come back. Currently a young male teacher has taken over and the girls feel uncomfortable when he watches them doing PE. One of them has looked at his social media & seen who he is following on instagram....lots of female body builders who pose in skimpy barely there bikinis (as is normal for body builders) but also some young women who pose in a very sexualised way in barely there bikinis....lots of boobs & bum on show. (Not topless but good as.) One girl has asked me if that is appropriate for a teacher & I'm struggling with how I feel about this. I would have thought all teachers have to have squeaky clean social media or set it to private. I've asked the headmaster for his views but wondered what others thought-am I over reacting or is this not really OK?

OP posts:
RealityNotEssentialism · 04/11/2020 20:12

@Quillink

Have the girls ever checked the female teacher's SM profiles?

I'd be amazed if they hadn't.

I teach at a uni and my students Google stalk male and female staff and openly admit it. I don’t have SM anymore but found it quite intrusive and uncomfortable to hear about it. I was teaching once and they were googling a male colleague of mine and commenting on his photos. At the same time, I used to do the same when I was at uni.
Original poster
happydappy2 · 04/11/2020 20:11

Vet it wasn’t my daughter who showed me the Instagram account. Another child from the school.

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 04/11/2020 20:10

Exactly, there seem to be a number of posters I haven’t seen before who are very quick to dismiss what those teenage girls are saying and accusing them of being manipulative and over dramatic.
These posters have no knowledge of the girls or indeed the teacher but claim that he is being unfairly targeted.
When the OP is arguing that a fitness professional following fitness accounts is exposing her daughter to sexualised material then there is a hint of drama about it.
Why are they so keen that we dismiss what these girls are saying and minimising and ridiculing the situation?
It's not dismissing to say that if he has behaved unprofessionally it should be reported and investigated, and if he hasn't then there's something unpleasant about this sort of gossip. I've seen countless teachers end up on the receiving end of witch hunts and gossip from students/parents who don't like the fact the teacher isn't their old one. Teenagers of both sexes can, and do, gossip about staff (eg I've heard students claim they know details about teachers' medical issues, that their parent got the teacher sacked etc and none of it has been true).
I don't think encouraging that sort of conduct is helpful and risks muddying the waters if there are genuine safeguarding concerns.

RealityNotEssentialism · 04/11/2020 20:10

@SandMason

Yep I’m going to go all out and say that someone who views female bodies in this way has no business teaching PE to teenage girls. Full stop. Now more than ever girls need the message that they’re doing PE to keep themselves healthy and strong, not to make their bodies look a certain way for men’s viewing pleasure.
Jesus. Seriously. I follow bikini models on Instagram. Am I a danger to kids too? I’m not a man but still. This is totally and utterly ridiculous. Everyone is allowed a private life. You do realise that the majority of teachers have a sex-life, right? They may well be objectifying and sexualising bodies, which most of us do to some extent. That has no impact on their jobs as teachers and does not in any way make them unsuited to teach. There’s some serious unpleasantness on here, trying to disguise itself as ‘feminism’.

Of course teach girls to trust their intuition but presumably there is no reason why they’d have to be alone with this man at any point so I think risks are quite low. Maybe tell them to avoid being alone with him and trust their friends but do take it with a pinch of salt because there doesn’t seem to be anything of substance here based on what OP said.

Quillink · 04/11/2020 20:08

Have the girls ever checked the female teacher's SM profiles?

I'd be amazed if they hadn't.

Veterinari · 04/11/2020 20:08

@happydappy2

Checking a persons social media profile is NOT stalking
Your daughter deliberately sought out her teacher's social media in an effort to find something she could use as a weapon against him. It might not be stalking. But it isn't reasonable behaviour either. You asked if it was ok for a teacher to follow bikini clad women on social media. The answer is yes. A teacher can follow who the fuck they like on social media - if he was promoting racism, sexism or violence or sexualisation of teen girls or other safe guarding concerns you'd have a point. But a few models in swimsuits? Really? You're witch-hunting him for that and implying that your DD is traumatised by these social media images? You're either very naive or very unpleasant.

The only error he made was not having his settings private and the HT has admonished him for that.

You can put down your pitchfork.

DidoLamenting · 04/11/2020 20:06

@littlbrowndog

All these new posters. Hmmm
Your point being what?
ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble · 04/11/2020 20:05

@chickenyhead

How can the objectification of women, not all of whom were bodybuilders, be so ok? I don't want my daughters believing that this is their role, to look a certain way in order that men follow them.

Yuck.

Just because it is normal, doesn't mean that it is acceptable or right.

The looking at SM came after the discomfort and somewhat seemed to confirm suspicions.

Please don't just dismiss their discomfort, until it is known what it arose from. He doesn't automatically get a free pass and OP is right to worry.

Shouldn't she find out where the discomfort stems from while/before she worries?

TBH I don't doubt that they are uncomfortable at all.

However whether it's because of him as a person(and his behaviour) or whether because he's a man and they're young developing girls in PE kits are two completely different issues.

littlbrowndog · 04/11/2020 20:05

If parent is concerned about a teacher at school it should be raised with the head

whynotwhen · 04/11/2020 20:04

If an account is private you can't see who they follow... at most you can see if they are followed by anyone you follow.

DidoLamenting · 04/11/2020 20:03

Why are they so keen that we dismiss what these girls are saying and minimising and ridiculing the situation?

What an exaggeration. The OP was asked several times what exactly the teacher had done to make them feel uncomfortable as all she mentioned was "watching them doing PE". She now says she has no idea as she never asked them.

maddy68 · 04/11/2020 20:03

Sounds to me the opposite. Sounds like normal teenage girls who actually fancy the young pe teacher. And cue the "ooh he's looking at me " etc etc he's bloody teaching them of course he's watching them .
Why else would they be 'stalkng' his insta account. Sounds like he's following body builders accounts. Entirely innocent

littlbrowndog · 04/11/2020 20:02

Happy it was good to raise it with the headteacher

Hope you get a resolution you and your daughter are happy with

chickenyhead · 04/11/2020 20:01

How can the objectification of women, not all of whom were bodybuilders, be so ok? I don't want my daughters believing that this is their role, to look a certain way in order that men follow them.

Yuck.

Just because it is normal, doesn't mean that it is acceptable or right.

The looking at SM came after the discomfort and somewhat seemed to confirm suspicions.

Please don't just dismiss their discomfort, until it is known what it arose from. He doesn't automatically get a free pass and OP is right to worry.

littlbrowndog · 04/11/2020 20:00

All these new posters. Hmmm

ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble · 04/11/2020 19:59

@happydappy2

Checking a persons social media profile is NOT stalking
Have the girls ever checked the female teacher's SM profiles?
Tyranttoddler · 04/11/2020 19:58

Surely as a PE teacher he is likely to follow fitness accounts on insta.

Kcar · 04/11/2020 19:58

Oh I didn’t know that about insta.

CorianderLord · 04/11/2020 19:56

Oh and she said Instagram people.

You can put your account on private but that can't stop people seeing who you follow. Which is clearly why the girls only looked at that. The likelihood is that his account is as private as possible.

Kcar · 04/11/2020 19:56

They should know better. And he’s an adult and I assume the women he follows are also over 18?

He has done NOTHING. if he had you’d be complaining about that to the school and not his Instagram

RealityNotEssentialism · 04/11/2020 19:56

@NiceGerbil

I find it pretty depressing that on FWR the advice to a girl who is unsettled by a man (any man) is. He's done nothing wrong. Ignore it. He's probably a great guy and it's not fair on him to feel like that when he's done nothing. Etc etc

Creep radar should always be listened to. Telling girls stuff like this means that don't have the tools to get out in time in other circs. Don't be rude. It's not fair to think that. He's not done anything wrong...

A nope from me.

What does this mean though in terms of consequences for this man due to someone’s ‘creep radar’? Should he not be allowed to teach that class? Should he not be allowed to teach at all? I don’t think comments by teenage girls should be treated as gospel. If he has actually done or said anything that warrants acting upon that is different but imagine yourself in this person’s shoes. People, including teens, sometime take a disliking to someone and it’s not always justified. None of these girls have to be alone with this man so I think the risk to them is fairly small if all the complaint relates to is that he watches them (which he has to if he is a PE teacher). Unless anything actually happens, I would tread VERY carefully with this one.
Original poster
happydappy2 · 04/11/2020 19:54

Checking a persons social media profile is NOT stalking

OP posts:
ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble · 04/11/2020 19:54

@garden ok what should the school do in this situation though?
What has the teacher actually done that the girls should be listened about?
They are uncomfortable with him watching them during a PE lesson. That's all we know. We don't know if he's leering,if it's due to his behaviour,if he made comments, or if it's just because he's a man and they had a female teacher so far.

So ,please tell me how can we listen to the girls and what actions could the school/OP do based on a feeling?

Which apparently is not even the problem, since OP is focusing on who he follows on Instagram as her main complaint/issue.

Kcar · 04/11/2020 19:50

@LolaSmiles

But of course I’ll bet the op means women. And the girls are of age. Most likely they'll be adult women, but younger than the parents of secondary aged students and the OP knows calling them girls further fits the narrative they're trying to create.

If he's done something wrong or behaved unprofessionally then it needs reporting and investigating. What concerns me is that (specific issue aside) this could be another case of parents and students don't like new teacher so create drama, which happens more often than you'd imagine.

I agree completely with you. I’ve seen a young man’s life and career destroyed over false allegations. And the op is whipping up the drama.

I’d have told my daughter to stop stalking her teacher on Instagram. Year 9 is old enough to know better.

gardenbird48 · 04/11/2020 19:48

@NiceGerbil

I find it pretty depressing that on FWR the advice to a girl who is unsettled by a man (any man) is. He's done nothing wrong. Ignore it. He's probably a great guy and it's not fair on him to feel like that when he's done nothing. Etc etc

Creep radar should always be listened to. Telling girls stuff like this means that don't have the tools to get out in time in other circs. Don't be rude. It's not fair to think that. He's not done anything wrong...

A nope from me.

Exactly, there seem to be a number of posters I haven’t seen before who are very quick to dismiss what those teenage girls are saying and accusing them of being manipulative and over dramatic. These posters have no knowledge of the girls or indeed the teacher but claim that he is being unfairly targeted. Why are they so keen that we dismiss what these girls are saying and minimising and ridiculing the situation?

Op has raised a genuine concern and it is important that these girls are listened to. When we don’t listen to what girls are saying we increase the risk of situations like Jimmy Saville and various other getting away with things in plain sight. Is that what these other posters would prefer?

Op, I think you are very sensible to raise it with the HT in the way that you have.

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