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Original poster

I am being asked to go into a meeting and introduce my pronouns to everyone in an hour and a half!

312 replies

WhatTheFuckHappenedHere · 29/10/2020 11:35

I am part of a work group tasked with running a big event that will take almost a year to plan. The first meeting is in an hour and a half over Zoom. The organiser, who I've never met, and goes by they/them pronouns according to the email signature, sent round an email reminder this morning with the meeting link, and including an agenda. The first thing on it is to introduce ourselves, our work area, an our gender pronouns. I don't really want to do this, but I need to work with this person and the group as a whole for the best part of a year! I'm feeling like I'll just have to go along with it lest I get accused of enacting literal and actual violence. Any advice?

OP posts:
DancelikeEmmaGoldman · 29/10/2020 12:00

Smile kindly and say, “my name is WhattheFuckHappenedHere, but I don’t mind what you use when I’m not around.” Another sweet smile directed at the next person who has to speak up.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 29/10/2020 11:59

I would say I don’t share information about my gender identity in the workplace.
It will give them no help whatsoever on which pronouns to use but they don’t need any help so it doesn’t matter.

Love51 · 29/10/2020 11:59

The pronouns I use to refer to myself are I, me and mine. How other people choose to refer to me is entirely their own business.

hellotoday27 · 29/10/2020 11:57

No advice to give, but wishing you good luck. Please come and tell us how it went as I'm nervous about being in the same position as you.

ArabellaScott · 29/10/2020 11:55

Crikey, Sex. I know zoom calls are frustrating, but I didn't think they were that kind of frustrating.

MoonJelly · 29/10/2020 11:55

@WhatTheFuckHappenedHere

The instructions also have some dictats relating to 'self care' during Zoom meetings, although hilarious, I dare not post these in case I'm horrendously outed
You can't tantalise us like that! Couldn't you at least post a couple of the funniest?
TableFlowerss · 29/10/2020 11:55

Hello all, my name is.... and today’s discussion will be about abc

All that bollocks is not needed. You’re all at work and all have names, no need to make it more complicated Hmm

Ignore it OP

Floisme · 29/10/2020 11:53

I agree about ignoring it if you can. If you are pushed I would state that this is not something I wished to discuss in a public forum, and that it didn't feel necessary as I was in the meeting so they could address me directly if needed. If I was still pressed I would repeat until they moved on. I wouldn't reveal anything further. I wouldn't message in advance because there's more chance of being sucked into a discussion.

Original poster
WhatTheFuckHappenedHere · 29/10/2020 11:52

@Sexnotgender

I don't know! I'm hoping 'they' meant a different kind of self care

OP posts:
ArabellaScott · 29/10/2020 11:52

I wonder sometimes about saying 'I don't know'. And stopping there.

Sexnotgender · 29/10/2020 11:50

@WhatTheFuckHappenedHere

The instructions also have some dictats relating to 'self care' during Zoom meetings, although hilarious, I dare not post these in case I'm horrendously outed
Was someone not fired for erm ‘self care’ during a zoom meeting recently as they didn’t realise their camera was on.
ArabellaScott · 29/10/2020 11:49

Say that this request goes against Yogyakarta Principle 6:

'STATES SHALL:
G. Ensure that requirements for individuals to provide information on their sex or gender are relevant, reasonable and necessary as required by the law for a legitimate purpose in the circumstances where it is sought, and that such requirements respect all persons’ right to self-determination of gender;'

CloudPop · 29/10/2020 11:49

@FluffMagnet

Can you say politely that you have no affinity to any gender stereotypes, however you believe most people will refer to you by pronouns relating to your sex?
That nails it, in my view.
Sexnotgender · 29/10/2020 11:48

Name
Work department
And you don’t believe in compelled speech however if anyone wishes to discuss you outside of your presence then sex based pronouns are fine.

vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 29/10/2020 11:48

Good luck.

I'd keep it in reserve though, if they force you to join in then you can argue that it is transphobic. You are entitled to privacy over your gender identity.

The fact that you may not consider gender to be a "thing" is not relevant. You can argue that it is private, whatever "it" is.

justanotherneighinparadise · 29/10/2020 11:48

@FluffMagnet

Can you say politely that you have no affinity to any gender stereotypes, however you believe most people will refer to you by pronouns relating to your sex?
LOVE that.
Original poster
WhatTheFuckHappenedHere · 29/10/2020 11:48

The instructions also have some dictats relating to 'self care' during Zoom meetings, although hilarious, I dare not post these in case I'm horrendously outed

OP posts:
Namechangeme87 · 29/10/2020 11:48

Just skip that part as others have said I doubt they will pull you up

That’s what I’d do as otherwise I’d find it hard not to answer sarcastically

Original poster
WhatTheFuckHappenedHere · 29/10/2020 11:46

@kingsleyhimself

Just don't give your pronouns. Finish your intriduction, "nice to meet you all", then mute mic to show you've done. If they press it, say you would prefer not to at the moment thank you for asking. If you were brave you could follow up with an email explaining that you are currently considering your gender identity very thoughtfully and that having to declare your pronouns publicly like this is for you, literal violence, traumatising at this time and therefore transphobic.
Grin Traumatising indeed
OP posts:
Original poster
WhatTheFuckHappenedHere · 29/10/2020 11:45

@ChaToilLeam

I’d just skip the pronoun bit and move on. I bet others feel like you too. Will the organiser have the nerve to press this during the meeting?
I think this will be my plan! I really hope the organiser will not be brave enough to push this.
OP posts:
Aesopfable · 29/10/2020 11:45

‘My pronouns aren’t ‘Aesop’ and ‘you’, how you refer to me in my absence is up to you’

Original poster
WhatTheFuckHappenedHere · 29/10/2020 11:43

@Goannaforanna

I have sworn that if I am ever asked to do this I will say that my pronouns are he/him- I am not going to emphasise my femaleness to my own disadvantage and it makes as much sense as any other option.. Good luck whatever you decide to do.
I wish I was this brave!
OP posts:
kingsleyhimself · 29/10/2020 11:43

Just don't give your pronouns. Finish your intriduction, "nice to meet you all", then mute mic to show you've done.
If they press it, say you would prefer not to at the moment thank you for asking.
If you were brave you could follow up with an email explaining that you are currently considering your gender identity very thoughtfully and that having to declare your pronouns publicly like this is for you, literal violence, traumatising at this time and therefore transphobic.

CoolYourBeansMySon · 29/10/2020 11:43

@FluffMagnet

Can you say politely that you have no affinity to any gender stereotypes, however you believe most people will refer to you by pronouns relating to your sex?
Ooh, that's a good answer!