SANDS sorry if upsetting

I have experienced loss and the fact that I was a mother to my baby in utero meant a huge amount to me. I had got to know my child - their waking and sleeping, their movements. I (through my body) had been caring and feeding my child. I was their mother. When the baby was born I was still their mother. I would have been devastated to have been referred to as the birthing parent! Motherhood is not something that requires a specific time served.

It is a very functional description.

Sorry just to add, it would have made it sound strange trying to be inclusive in other ways, using mother and then followed by non-birthing parent/mother/father insert as appropriate

I agree with the women above who have experienced loss and say they have no problem with this. I have experienced loss and didn't read anything negative in this or exclusionary. Language does have power but the onus on this post was the person who didn't give birth.

"birthing woman"?

People who give birth do tend to be women while they are doing it, I'd've thought.

What date was this tweeted please, I'm trying to find it.

Having lost a baby and been supported by SANDS I have no issue with this.

Have you thought that e.g. if there were two women then they are both mothers ans so you do need to clarify birthing parent.

After the loss of my first child, I couldn’t bear to hear the word mother to describe myself. I didn’t have a living child so how was I a mother. My husband needed to support as he had lost his child too, though the focus was often on me. While this message may be for sex same couples, it might also be for couples like us that couldn’t face using the terms mother and father.

Tasteless in the extreme.

For those of you who have an insight to SANDS and state they know what a woman and mother is - I hope you are right.

Scant evidence of it here.

This is basic.

Birthing parent makes a woman sound like a farmyard animal.

I don’t know who needs to hear this but you are a MUM. You are that baby’s mum. Nobody can take that away from you. Especially not some silly, clueless ‘woke’ PR person on the other end of a social media account.

As a mother who needed SANDS 24 years ago I just read that as support being available for partners as well as the mother and as a good thing.

NoSquirrels
I understand the inclusive language but if you can’t give birth and think of yourself as a mother to that child, something seems very wrong

but then

They could say ‘Sands is here for ALL mothers, fathers and parents, whether you gave birth or were the non-birthing parent.’

I was feeling rather sad that the first comment excluded everyone who because she could conceive but had never managed to carry beyond the third month was unable to give birth, yet was certainly a mother to her three adopted children.

The second is lot better.

to anyone affected by this. That's a thoughtlessly worded statement.

Agree, NoSquirrels, it's not hard to be inclusive without disregarding/erasing women and mothers.

Such cold, dehumanising language. It’s sickening.

And I’m sure lesbian couples wouldn’t object to this tweet if it referenced “mothers and fathers”. We don’t need to pretend that same sex couples aren’t a minority.

I personally know of lesbian couples who have experienced stillbirth and loss. We don’t need to police all language around loss when we can be kind to them as individuals, or say things like “mothers and partners”.

“Birthing person” is such a buzzword lately, and it’s being lapped up from all angles. If I see one more meme referencing “black birthing people” I’m going to scream.

You are misrepresenting the organisation

Even the most cursory look at the website shows the terms mother and father mum and dad are by far the most frequently used.

Why different on this page? Because some babies have two mothers and when talking support for partners it’s quite important not to leave confusion about which mother you are talking about or inadvertently leave the impression that the non-birthing one is somehow lesser, or need to use even more to avoid that. Yes, lesbian couples are less common that heterosexual parents, and surrogate arrangements even rarer. But they exist, whether you like it or not, and on a page which is clearly meant to cover all permutations of parent it’s appropriate to use inclusive language

I read the thread on Twitter.

Amongst the grief and anger there are some laughing at that grief and anger and telling women to get over it. I can’t imagine how anyone can justify that kind of spite.

Be kind - unless it’s directed at bereaved mothers obviously.

They could have said something like, "often the focus ... is on the woman who has given birth, Sands is here to support all parents ..." if using 'mother' is deemed problematic.

Exactly NoSquirrels
There are simple linguistic compromises that can be found to include groups needing to be included. Erasing the words mother and women should never be the solution.

That's appalling.
There are ways to rewrite that so it's also sensitive to lesbian mothers without dehumanising all mothers

They could say ‘Sands is here for ALL mothers, fathers and parents, whether you gave birth or were the non-birthing parent.’

I give Sands money every single month and have done for years. Not sure what to do about this.

EvilEdna1
Since when dis lesbians object to the word mother? I'm a lesbian mother and have no qualms in using the word. Or are you talking about these new fangled lesbians (the ones with a penis?) who hate any words relating to the female sex?

I agree with the poster above. I think the sentiment is to avoid excluding the non-birth mother in a same sex relationship.

for anyone who needs them.