SANDS sorry if upsetting

They should apologise for the hurt they have caused

Made me cry.

To my older sister born too soon

To my mum and my dad . 💐💐💐

🤷🏼‍♀️

I agree, here. This may have been badly phrased and badly thought-through, but SANDS do much to support mothers.

Hopefully they’ll listen and learn from it.

Link to feedback form, for anyone who feels they did get it wrong here:

sands.org.uk/about-sands/who-we-are/tell-us-what-you-think

Birthing parent?

I don’t know if I qualify. I was unconscious when they tried to save my baby first time round. Me the second.

I never ‘birthed’. But despite never hearing them cry, I was, and consider myself to be, a mother.

Some may dispute that. I grew little babies. I was their mam.

I was a MOTHER. I just don’t have holdable children.

She tried to post information about this to a UK Facebook group called The Mummy Gin Fund and the post was blocked. Mummy websites blocking posts about the word mother being erased..

That twitter thread is so moving. Shame on the thoughtless person at SANDS who thought it OK to remove the word mother just to pander to the bullies. So much pain caused to women.

And to you, Awning.

Janice Turner has nailed it as ever. Selling female invisibility as progress.

They are a great charity but they need to prioritise the feelings of the women they're supporting and not throw them under the bus to get woke cookies from a group of people who probably have zero interest in this.

twitter.com/SandsUK/status/1314855702343680002

They are getting terribly ratioed. I suspect they are mortified. I hope they apologise. They are an amazing charity.

As someone who has needed support from SANDS in the past, I feel compelled to come to their defence. They may have made an error of judgement in this tweet but they have been there to support thousands of women at the lowest point imaginable. They are a charity that supports grieving parents - predominantly mothers. They know what a mother is and what it means. Please go easy on them.

Absolutely heartless. I just want to scream sometimes why?? Why do these companies and organisations do it? They must see the reaction it brings out in women, they must. They get ratioed to hell and back with countless women saying no.

And yet they carry on. @Oxyiz response was perfect, they could have gone down that path if that is the message, but the fact they chose not to speaks volumes.

Cruel fucking bastards.

How heartless. I read it out to DH and he was disgusted.

I suspect this is 'about lesbians' the same way that 'people who bleed' and such is 'about transmen'
Exactly my thoughts too, NRatched.

I suspect this is 'about lesbians' the same way that 'people who bleed' and such is 'about transmen'

They could say ‘Sands is here for ALL mothers, fathers and parents, whether you gave birth or were the non-birthing parent.’

This is the obvious solution. But its not about being inclusive really as we know, so thats why this solution is ignored.

Exactly @Oxyiz. I can see why some women find the term mother upsetting but birthing parent is worse. Your solution is perfect and elegant.

It's obviously a tricky issue. I had lots of miscarriages and don't think of myself as a mother, and one other poster has said it would have even felt hurtful to be called one.

But I agree it could easily be "woman who has given birth" or just avoiding it all together with some other spin - "Everyone suffers when they lose a child, whether they're a parent or member of the family, and whether the pregnancy was short or long. See how to support partners and children..."

Or just "when you're comforting a loved one, its easy to sometimes forget that their partners and children can feel grief and loss too". The subject and context is obvious from the poster and post after all.

I miscarried my baby so I was not the birthing parent, I was - am - my baby's mother.

I find the term birthing parent hugely offensive in this context. And FWIW no lesbian couples I know have ever been offended by the woman who gives birth being referred to as the baby's mother.

To all the bereaved mothers here.

I wouldn't even know if I was included in their comments, I would not view myself as having given birth to the babies I miscarried.
The pregnant person will always be a woman, why not stick with this and make the inclusivity apply to the other parent involved!

You are right - motherhood starts way before the giving birth part.

A birthing parent is not very helpful in that parenting refers to child-rearing.

A friend of mine who lost her only son told me that the hardest thing after his death when meeting new people was when she was asked if she had children. She felt to say no was denying his existence and her own motherhood. Everyone will react differently but for some the erasure of their being a mother will be very hurtful.