Trigger warning mentions conversations about rape.
I wrote about this in relationships.
At the time I was feeling ashamed of myself and sad.
Now I'm furious. Im so angry at him and myself.
This has affected me so badly, which makes me feel weak, I think thats what im angry with myself about.
Im wondering if most men are like this deep down and this one just let it out after quite a while.
Do all men see us like this on a base level?
Its true in a way isnt it?
I am a potential rape victim.
We all are, if we come across a potential rapist.
So if we know that, deep down, walking around, do men know that too and think about it?
Apologies if this is doesnt make much sense, I cant talk about this in real life.
"Staying at a hotel with a man that ive been seeing, we were drinking, all going well until the conversation took a turn.
Cant remember all the ins and outs or how we even go onto it but I said I didnt think rape jokes are funny, ever.
I think he was defending from a freedom of speech position, maybe fine but not really the time or the place but we had been drinking and we both do usually enjoy having a debate.
Then he called me a potential rape victim.
I got up to get away from him and he said what about men, men get raped too.
I stayed in the bathroom for a while, crying and wondering what to do.
My car was parked in the carpark and I couldnt drive home.
I came out and he apologised.
I asked him if he or his brother or best friend have been raped and maybe thats the difference why he can think its funny and I cant.
I think he thought I was disclosing to him that it had happened to me, which I feel guilty about as if ive lied to make a point, I've not been raped but other more nuanced things have happened that I won't go into details of now and certainly was not about to share with him there and then.
He said sorry I didn't know, I just said you dont need to know.
Im ashamed that I stayed there and pretended that everything was normal in the morning.
I should have got an uber and left him there.
We haven't really spoken since, I dont want a confrontation about it but I cant stop thinking about it and wondering what the hell is wrong with him and also me.
Obviously I wont be seeing him again."