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Original poster

Will it ever come to court? -trigger probably

36 replies

DrizzleandDamp · 24/09/2020 08:05

Been on here quite a bit in the past, changed my UN as I can’t remember which one I used and don’t want to link. You were all amazing at the times.

Not sure what I want from this really, but I’m just pondering if I will ever ever hear from the CPS. Has anyone seen/run a case through lately I guess?

Was brutally raped in early 2018. Reported the morning as soon as I could get away as I drove myself to hospital. He was into BDSM, I never was nor did I consent, it was a second date. I had whiplash, bruising to my chest, lots of other nasty stuff. Blood evidence found in his flat.

A full year later I got a letter saying they weren’t prosecuting, couldn’t prove I didn’t consent to the violence, lots of other bullshit. A lovely women’s group helped me do a right to review (directed by you lot!), immediately police told to overturn the decision and pass to CPS.

A full YEAR later police pass to CPS, think it was about Feb this year. It’s now another 8 months later and nothing.

Just think I’m a bit despairing of ever receiving the call/email/knock at the door to tell me their decision either way, and it leaves me in a place I have the background niggle in my mind so I can never just fully move on with life.

OP posts:
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vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 23/10/2020 20:41

I know this has become a bit trite, but, FWIW, I believe you.

Original poster
DrizzleandDamp · 23/10/2020 19:48

I’ve written to my MP so let’s see what response I get.

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SophocIestheFox · 22/10/2020 15:55

I am so sorry that you’ve been let down so badly over this Flowers

I’m glad you have had some support, I just wish you had more. Sending hugs over the Ethernet to you.

MoonPomme · 22/10/2020 15:09

Im so sorry this has happened to you and that the police have so badly let you down.
Its disgraceful.
I recently had a not very nice experience with a man I was dating. He didnt rape me but I knew I was in a situation where if I didn't go along he might well have done.
It was easier and safer to let him do what he wanted to.
I felt bad and guilty about it for a while and strongly feel hes a danger to women.
Im glad I did what I did because if it had got violent the police would likely be useless.
Its disgusting how we are at the mercy of these violent and sick men and then the people who are supposed to protect us just compound the damage and violate us all over again with their ambivalance and incompetence.
And let these men off to do it again, I would doubt you are the first or only victim with that level of violence.
Im furious for you.
This shouldn't be happening and I hope you can get the support you need going forward.

Original poster
DrizzleandDamp · 22/10/2020 14:34

Thank you. I’ve come a long way since the place I was in at that thread. Which I’m pleased about. MN support at the time was invaluable.

Shame the case hasn’t.

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InJest · 22/10/2020 13:46

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Flowers

Ereshkigalangcleg · 22/10/2020 13:15

I'm very sorry to hear about how poorly you've been treated. I also remember your original thread Thanks

Original poster
DrizzleandDamp · 22/10/2020 13:09

Z0rr0 I don’t I haven’t re-engaged post lockdown, changed jobs, no childcare help all means I haven’t had the time. Plus old boss knew and understood, new one I kind of don’t want to have the conversation with to get the time. I’m ok when I’m busy quite driven so just get on with it. But I suppose it is manifesting every now and then when I’m not keeping an eye on the tools she gave me. And I haven’t had time to practice any of my self care routines which used to be gym and mindfulness. I just have no idea how to in the current situation. I’m ok though mainly.

We are going to enter an official complaint if the case doesn’t get passed over to CPS in the next month, using it as a bit of a lever to get them to do it (not that I’m currently trusting they’ve even kept the evidence!), so leaving it in the capable hands of the charity without whom I would have no chance. And I’m going to write to my MP, again when I get space to breathe.

I think what I need is time for all of this and right now I’m just running...

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Thelnebriati · 22/10/2020 12:54

Turns out the officer dealing with the case left the force a while ago.

I would be very surprised if he had just left of his own accord.

Z0rr0 · 22/10/2020 11:50

@DrizzleandDamp Do you have psychiatric support currently? You sound quite vulnerable. (Unsurprisingly of course, anyone would.)
I would consider writing a formal complaint to the most senior officer at your local police force detailing the long catalogue of errors and mishandling that your case has endured.
The not handing the report on to the CPS, the not monitoring emails. All unacceptable. Police are supposed to be being better at the way they handle and respond to rape cases.
I would copy the complaint to your MP.
Is there a local rape crisis group / charity you could contact for further support? You sound like some self care is needed.
Take care, what you detail here is appalling. I'm so sorry.

CaraDuneRedux · 22/10/2020 11:38

Flowers drizzle.

The way you have been treated is appalling.

(And remember the old line about paranoia: just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you. Or in this case, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not trying to bury the complaint.)

Original poster
DrizzleandDamp · 22/10/2020 11:24

I’ve just re-read my own posts and I actually wrote the below didn’t I? Jesus so I’ve either got the second sight or I am From now on listening to every paranoia I have!!!

  • I might try and email him myself again, but feel like if I piss them off chasing, they will be worse. And anyway is he even checking with the CPS? For all I know it’s never gone to them, I have no proof and no contacts.

Think I may be descending into paranoia which isn’t a good sign for me. But then is it paranoid when it could very well be fact?*

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ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 22/10/2020 11:17

That is awful. I am so sorry. This sort of institutional indifference to the impact on the victim just adds to the harm of the original act.
I would raise the matter with your MP. It is utterly unacceptable.

Redshoeblueshoe · 22/10/2020 11:16

This is truly horrendous. I hope someone who can advise you will be along soon.

Original poster
DrizzleandDamp · 22/10/2020 11:09

Update - and I really hope my lovely support charity don’t mind me posting but I don’t have anyone in real life that I can talk to about this and need to.

Anyway I heard from the kind women who has taken on chasing up this case and the reason I haven’t heard a decision from the CPS is they never got it. The officer in charge or his superior never sent it. It just never went.

So that’s about 8 months of waiting patiently pointlessly. How wrong is that??

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Original poster
DrizzleandDamp · 02/10/2020 13:55

Lonny I now think they subconsciously took your “couldn’t get much worse” as a “watch this space”.

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Original poster
DrizzleandDamp · 02/10/2020 13:54

Not so fun update, massively outing so I hope they don’t mind but I don’t know, this helps me.

Lovely wonderful women’s charity have been in touch, they have been chasing for me for a while behind the scenes. Turns out the officer dealing with the case left the force a while ago. And it seems no one has been checking his messages or keeping tabs on it. They are trying to get it looked at and some form of response from someone else.

So how’s that for victim support?

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LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 25/09/2020 09:30

At this stage, it really doesn't matter if you piss the police off. Their handling of your case has been appalling and can't really get much worse.

Email the officer involved and let them know you'll be using the complaints procedure if they don't get back to you within 7 days. Keep it factual and clear, but don't worry about their feelings. They've failed you.

Also don't be worried about overwhelming the charity, you've been doing so well by yourself but we all need support at different times.

Thanks
Original poster
DrizzleandDamp · 25/09/2020 09:23

I’m sorry Betheanne, that’s awful and for your ex H to join in must have hurt badly x

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Betheanne · 24/09/2020 10:21

I was attacked on a quiet street in the middle of the day in 2015. He did not manage to rape me because my screams alerted a man that was around the corner. I ran home, cried, had a giant glass of wine ( big mistake) called my husband and we went to the police that evening. They were awful to me. They kept asking how much I had had to drink and why I was out. At one point my (former) husband and two male police started firing questions at me. I handed over my dress and went and home. I didn't hear anything for 2 years. Then they showed up saying that another woman was raped on the street in the same way two streets over. This time they caught him. They showed me a photo and it was a different guy. I told my attacker was asian and they showed up with a photo of a white man.

Original poster
DrizzleandDamp · 24/09/2020 10:02

I had a victim liaison from the local place that deals with it (no idea on the name), the first year, but only heard from her twice, first time was her visiting, harping on how busy she was and telling me the law was different from feelings, and the second time was a text to say she was signing off for holiday season, merry Christmas and have a lovely new year.

So fucking crass my psychiatrist at the time contacted them directly and said they needed to get me a new one. Never heard anything since.

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Original poster
DrizzleandDamp · 24/09/2020 09:59

Thank you, I have legal help in the form of the women’s group I guess (it is the utterly amazing CWJ Fiona).

But I don’t want to hassle them as they are a charity and overloaded sadly with this type of crap.

I worry it could be a letter, as originally the police rejected the case with a letter, only they never sent it OR it never arrived.
So only after months of chasing and trying to pin down the officer who had moved did he say in surprise “oh we wrote to you ages ago and told you no”. He had to then explain on the phone and email it to me. I remember sitting in a garage where I’d rung from yet again in shock for ages before I could drive and get my kids.

So I worry if it’s a letter what if I’ve just missed it.

I might try and email him myself again, but feel like if I piss them off chasing, they will be worse. And anyway is he even checking with the CPS? For all I know it’s never gone to them, I have no proof and no contacts.

Think I may be descending into paranoia which isn’t a good sign for me. But then is it paranoid when it could very well be fact?

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DeaconBoo · 24/09/2020 09:23

This is awful. I'm so sorry this bastard did this to you. No advice but sincerely hoping you get the answer you need soon.

SorryImKnew · 24/09/2020 09:22

@DrizzleandDamp have you got legal support? you need support, no one should face this alone
The police and Victim Support are the ones who would provide support in this sort of situation. It sounds like there is little communication from the police. I was given a mobile number of my police officer to contact - trouble was finding a time when they were working obviously - due to irregular shift patterns.

SorryImKnew · 24/09/2020 09:20

In my experience the Police called when the CPS had made the decision, not an email. But I don't know if that's universal (this was the Met, 6-7 years ago).

I got a letter from the Met (18 months ago approx.)

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