Pronouns at work - where do I stand? Advice

 FrenchtoEnglish

We received an email some time ago saying we can add pronouns to our signature if we wished to. I'm yet to see a signature with pronouns on!

@Siameasy we could do with a GC equivalent of atheist. Maybe just "n/a" as in "not applicable"

I'd change mine every single fucking morning and ask for compensation every time they got it wrong. And I'd make up a new one every now and again. Belinda Jekins (cro/crod). Belinda Jenkins (fuh/fih). If anything was said, I'd sue. I'm an angel-bi-binary-flexi-transhuman-mono-crod, so fuck off.

I feel like it’s the same as them asking you to state your religion but without the option of saying “none”.

Some great answers here.

If I worked somewhere this was happening I'd be torn between resisting or takings male pronouns and getting rid of my female name. It would be interesting to see how far up the ladder you could go and how much money you could make doing it.

I think if you want a certain pronoun that is not the most commonly used or assumed pronoun, then put it on your signature. If not. Then I wouldn’t bother. There’s been a few threads on this here.... I personally don’t care either way, but I wouldn’t be adding to/ changing or amending my email signature as I think it’s unnecessary and divisive. What if you’re not ready to be ‘ outed’? That will cause you stress. What if you disagree and will be made out to be a monster??? The whole thing leaves a bad taste in my mouth tbh....

I’m not saying those who feel genuinely trans are a fashionable cause, before the twitching watchers start screaming transphobic, merely that I don’t trust the sincerity of many of the supporters of these beliefs, any more than I trust those who bleat on about other causes. The last few years and months have shown the aggressive and bullying side to many ‘supporters’ of these causes. They don’t actually care that that truly have ‘skin in the game’ are suffering as a result of their bullying and aggression. Once they get bored, they’ll move on and treat these people with contempt because they’re no longer ‘relevant’ and their fore not woke enough. I’m in my fifties, I’ve seen this behaviour acted out over the decades, though rarely with as much bullying or venom.

Tldr. I don’t agree with bullying people into accepting pronouns or any other form of labelling.

I genuinely believe that this bullying people into using pronouns has actually become a way to trying to work out who is GC.

Even if it's not the intended effect - and I suspect it isn't - it is the practical effect. I imagine many see it as a happy by-product.

The primary purpose is really your HR people signalling how woke your HR apartment is to other HR people at whatever HR conferences they go to. And possibly fishing for Stonewall awards.

But the bullying effect is real.

It's like being asked the name of your husband/wife, in the days when homosexuality was beyond the pale.

Or being asked which church you go to in some extremely anti-atheist of America.

I'm not being facetious when I say this is outing and they could be in trouble for insisting on it. Of course it's great for people who want to have the chance to declare their pronouns.

For others, it's akin to announcing your transgender status, which is something that the law sees as so private, there are separate DBS check processes to avoid anyone knowing, Girl Guide leaders are not allowed to tell other parents that people attending sleepover events have transgender status (have a biological sex different to their female gender), etc.

You would be in breach of the law if you 'outed' someone as transgender, which it seems like they're intent on doing if they insist.

I have actually told woke people that I'm agender. Besides the fact that it's technically true because I don't identify with any gender, it's rather fun watching their (suppressed, confused) reactions.

On the Ms/Miss/Mrs issue, which really is outdated nonsense, a NB person on a podcast said they selected options like "brigadier" if available. It's bloody minded and I rather like it.

Your Majesty/His Majesty/Her Majesty are my personal favourites.

Following that I prefer to pointing out that I could never be involved in a policy that forces someone out of the trans closet.

Tell them you are a post gender individualist and as such you don’t use any pronouns. Demand they refer to you by name, e.g. Sarah got into Sarah’s car and went to the shop by Sarah’s self.

I genuinely believe that this bullying people into using pronouns has actually become a way to trying to work out who is GC.

If it is its being done by people who really don't care about co-workers who are struggling with their gender identity. It's as tone deaf as forcing people to talk about their sexuality.

I would ask what steps they are taking to address the issue about the impact of increased likelihood of sex discrimination as people have said above.

Isn’t it kind of like making someone declare their religion or sexuality? Something that his personal and you may not particularly want all on sundry to know. Of course I’d you do, then you will tell.

I genuinely believe that this bullying people into using pronouns has actually become a way to trying to work out who is GC. It’s a sneaky, underhanded tactic used to police people’s thoughts. You’ve been given some fantastic advice on here OP and I look forward to hearing what their response will be. Would it help if you put it in an email, if you feel you can’t say it straight to their faces or do other posters think that would cause problems?

Well after reading about all the advantages of appearing male I'd say switch to Mr/he/him.

It's not fair to force anyone to declare a gender identity, whether that is because they know they would face discrimination because of it, or because they are unsure of their gender identity or because they don't want to be outed. @merrymouse

^this

For those who are bothered what pronouns are used for them it's reasonable for them to publicly announce chosen pronouns @Scout2016

^this

Which has got me thinking that....

I'd like to think we're all human beings working together. I respect and will use people's declared pronouns and thank them for helping me. I've decided not to use pronouns myself as this is the 21st century. Similar to the way I didn't gender stereotype my children. I prefer neutral. I prefer not wasting time on it. I prefer not constantly putting gender upfront to emphasise different treatment and unconscious bias. We're a group of people working together and are so much more as individuals collaborating.

If this ever happened in my workplace, in the (I hope) very unlikely eventuality that we were told it was now required, I would ask HR for the Equalities Impact Assessment they carried out before introducing this new policy. I would expect to see careful consideration given to all the protected characteristics in the Equality Act, not just gender reassignment. One of the benefits of being close to retirement, with no expecations whatsoever that I will advance further in my career, is that I no longer care very much what people would think if I make a fuss.

If we were repeatedly asked to consider it in that horrible passive aggressive tone the OP describes, I'd have recourse to a useful lesson I've picked up on MN: No is a complete sentence. Or, slightly longer: That doesn't work for me.

Aside from the hijacking of previously biologically based words to validate some people's internal sense of identity, I genuinely am not bothered if people want to use he/him.

I think for those of us who aren't bothered or are happy for a guess based on name then it makes sense not to put them, as it's one less thing for people to have to check when speaking about someone.

It's coming at my work. I normally keep my head down and my mouth shut but if / when they try and enforce it, I plan to tell them that my gender identity, along with my religion and my sexual orientation, is none of their business.

But I'm old enough not to really care about being seen as problematic and I sympathise.

Nearlygranny this would work for me

Be ready to count the number of times you are subsequently misgendered and dead-named in emails and meetings. If all bullied female employees resorted to this tactic, demands for pronouns in bios would quickly disappear.

we were asked to have a real think about it, that it would be great if we all chose to do it

Firstly, I would play them at that game. Tell them you have had a real think about it. Use all the reasons posted here, they asked for real thought, give them ample evidence. Tell them you have chosen not to as you do not think it would be great. Then tell them that real thought deserves a real response, ask that they have a real think about about your reasoning and say you would be open to hearing their objections.

From your post it reads like you are being asked to do something entirely for the benefit of other people. To show support and make things easier for other people. (They are of course assuming you support trans people and may be insinuating that not announcing your pronouns is the equivalent of saying you don't support trans people. Which is rather a leap.)

For those who are bothered what pronouns are used for them it's reasonable for them to publicly announce chosen pronouns.
What isn't reasonable is expecting everyone else to do likewise. You are entitled to make an informed choice that you are ok with the possibility of someone accidentally referring to you by an incorrect pronoun. The other person might feel awkward about their mistake but that's not your problem. We have survived a long time as a society arranging a meeting with or telephoning someone and not being sure in advance whether it's a male or female.
Since the whole thing seems to centre around individual sensitivities and navel gazing, then simply saying you don't feel comfortable with it should suffice.