Just when I think the guardian can’t go lower

"Hearts not parts" and "I fell in love with the person" are such a crock of shit, albeit coming at the issue from opposite ends of the sheer stupidity spectrum.

Most of us are straight or gay (bisexual people are a minority) so of course "parts" matter, because sex is a physical activity undertaken with physical bodies.

At the same time, however, we are also products of our culture, and have certain expectations around the behaviour of our partners, so a man whom a woman had married in good faith, believing him to think of himself as a man, suddenly turning into a stereotyped parody of what he thinks a woman is, would have the effect of causing most straight women's fannies to clamp shut.

That's before we even get onto the levels of self-absorption needed to assume your wife has no independent desires of her own, but exists only as your "emotional support human", to reflect back at you the version of yourself you believe to be primary. Who wants to be with someone that self absorbed?

The comment about "passing as a straight couple" is so sad.

I thought it was a lot more nuanced than unconditional cheerleading.
There is a cost which is made clear throughout - one couple are doomed to a sexless marriage, two aren't having sex at all. Both couples in their 60s/70s talk of companionship. Two of the transwidows were angry and hurt and talk of this. Out the five couples, the only one that seems happiest/least likely to think of it as a compromise is the bi woman/transman having a phalloplasty. The others all have their reasons for sticking with it but sex appears to be off the table in 4/5 cases. As one says: I believe you don’t choose your sexuality, and I’m not bisexual or gay.

I’m 54 now, so sex is less important to me

but we’ve not had sex since they transitioned
I felt no one gave any thought to how I was feeling
We’re both living with half of what we want

We were into our 60s, so why not just go for it?

There is very little support for the partners of trans people

We have the relationship I always wanted, without the sex

2Rebecca If you report your deleted post you can ask why and MNHQ will hopefully contact you with the reason. You can't avoid rule breaking if you don't know which rule you've broken!

"It seems not many men stick around when their partner comes out as trans."

Says so much.

Tinsel, it must be galling. But remember it's one article in one paper that is making huge cutbacks due to a falling readership. You've helped so many, and helped educate many more. Take heart.

I really hope that somebody, at some point, will start giving the women in these situations at least as much consideration as is shown the trans partners.

Articles like that make me feel like I've made very little progress.

“my biggest cheerleader”

After all, that is the natal female's job in a relationship. To stand by her (wo)man and to cheerlead, no matter what.

Can't be bothered clicking, so nothing to say on the article.

I just wanted to offer to anyone affected by these issues. It must be very hard to be caught between the seismic change of your partner announcing they are a different gender and the current pressure to affirm and support, with no apparent thought for the feelings of the woman involved in the relationship.

I really hope that somebody, at some point, will start giving the women in these situations at least as much consideration as is shown the trans partners.

People assume we’re a straight couple. We take full advantage of that. Before Allie transitioned, she was scared of public displays of affection. Now we hold hands everywhere we go.

Well this is very sad and also very informative

So irritating that they as usual show no curiosity about partners who don't stay...

I really have no idea where my post broke the guidelines. A clue would be helpful if posts are deleted

5 stories but the only transman is in a relationship with a woman.

Hmmm.

Of course this article has a connection to the Beaumont Society (gaslighting wives since 1966), they always do.

It would be interesting to know how many women/people stay when their partner has transitioned at 1/3/6 months and 1/3/5 years. I'd imagine that there's a period of being in shock and trying to make the best of it before it becomes untenable.

Oh FFS

“I didn’t fall in love with a gender, I fell in love with a person”. Not this shit again. Do they seriously think that the vast majority of humans are so shallow they don’t fall in love with people but instead love an abstract concept of “gender”? It’s such a straw man position, and it entirely erases sexual orientation. If you are a straight woman you will be attracted to people who are male. You will not have a sexual or romantic attraction to people who are female. If your male partner begins to make himself appear like a female (and not just a feminine man) that attraction will be gone. On the one hand trans activists want us to believe that males can really and truly change into females, but the second that causes any personal issues they switch tactics. If they really thought males could turn into females they would respect women’s sexuality. But no - instead they stress it’s still the same person inside, and you’re shallow if you are attracted to his maleness.