Im concerned my DS (24) has gotten into Red Pill/MGTOW stuff

Why don't you chat to your son? He probably needs to do the talking. It sounds to me that he needs your support.

‘@Stripesgalore I know a dude in real life at work who would be considered “conventionally” attractive by societal standards (ie tall, broad shoulders, chiseled jawline etc) who refers to himself as an “incel”. Which doesn’t really make sense to me as I thought incel meant “involuntarily celibate” (ie you don’t want to be celibate but you are because you feels looks or something are holding you back).‘

This is part of the problem though OP. The movement gets men to scrutinise tiny Supposed flaws in their physical appearance and makes them believe they are repulsive to women. It’s just a breeding ground for body dysmorphia.

Hi CastleOfCary

You posted a response to my comment which I didn't understand, and can only think I didn't explain myself very well.

I was basically saying dont push relationships. But in case an all masculine environment in the marines is partly responsible for him starting to think / talk like a MGTOW, while he is home try and have a wider range of friends, family, aquaintances to socialise with who dont think like that. Not to say directly to him is it the marines are making you think like that.

But then realised the limit of only meeting 6 people could make that difficult.

My mistake. I should've made it clear that I was not talking about OP's son but replying to OP's message immediately before mine. (Posted yesterday at 22.58)

I was talking about "the dude in real life".

Apologies to OP for any misunderstanding.

True @CrossPorpoises. I meet them every day of my life. It might be true here but we are talking about OP’s son. Have a heart.

Have you actually asked him about it? Or spoken to him deeply about it? It's not clear from your post.

If it were my DS I'd say to him that he still sounds like he's very hurt over X, understandably and ask if he wanted to talk about it and how he was feeling about it all. Let him know that he could always talk to me without judgement.

I'd also just tackle the potential grooming head on. I'd just say that there are some people out there pushing these ideologies but they are horrendous and problematic for x, y and z reason. They target people who may have been hurt by a woman, low self esteem, etc etc and it's a form of radicalisation. Get him to listen to Laura Bates talking about how it recently on R4, if he shows interest in the topic.

It is completely possible he's just 'sworn off women' or doesn't want to get married because he's in his early 20s and in time things will change. Or it's possible he is being very damaged by online groups. We don't really know, but as he seems willing to discuss things with you maybe you could probe deeper?

Being stupid isn't a crime.

Neither is pointing out that someone might be.

There are loads of stupid people about so, you know, law of averages and that..

@CrossPorpoises harsh

Perhaps he's just stupid?

The theory of MGTOW is not as bad as the reality of MGTOW.

Can you not talk to him and find out what his fears are?

I found the moment I stopped searching for a relationship with a man the more I got on with men in general.

It’s not necessarily a bad thing but as long as he doesn’t hate women.

he got sucked into this philosophy the MGTOW type people have surrounding relationships, marriages etc

The OP doesn't actually say he actively reads and posts or believes in all of that, just going on the above part of the post.

I think lots of posters are missing the concern about the OPs son talking about red pills/ MGTOW - google it and then see if you want to tell the OP it's nothing to worry about

How very sad. It sounds like a breeding ground for some potentially terrible and antisocial people. I can understand why the OP is worried. You can only give a more balanced differing opinion and within your own walls refuse to countenance misogyny.

Thank you Cloudy! Yes exactly that. That’s the worrying thing. Being single - fine, deciding you’re single because you believe the incel crowd about women is not fine at all

No problem @LittleTiger007 then are relatively new and also not mainstream so lots haven't heard of them :)

They are a scary bunch though who can suck in other misguided young men. The irony is they bang on about women being horrible to them but they are basically an echo chamber of negativity towards each other, especially the incels where they spend 50 percent of the time hating on women and the rest telling each other how they are all too ugly and pathetic to get a woman. I do feel sorry but I can't sympathise with misogyny

Thanks @CloudyVanilla I’d missed this. I absolutely agree that I’d be wanting to crush any mysogeny voiced in my house.

It’s also a self fulfilling prophecy because if your harbour these kinds of beliefs you are extremely likely to end up being an abuser in a relationship and find yourself being looked at very negatively in divorce proceedings.

Some posters are missing the point. MGTOW/red pillers are not just men choosing to be single or childless or both.

It is a community of toxic masculinity and hard line misogyny. They are a really scary group who find their commonality in low self esteem and blaming women for their perceived slights. At the same time the incel side of things simultaneously display a pretty deep hatred of women as well as a preoccupation with women as sexual objects.

I would be having stern words about the realities of life if I ever caught a whiff of those words in my house.

He's only 24 and nothing he's said is untrue. Most relationships don't last and he's obviously still hurt from his last.

I don't know what his appearance has to do with any of it.

Not wanting to date really isn’t a problem and is completely normal.

It’s being radicalised online that is the problem.

The only people who have mentioned racism are the OP and CatsFantastic. You are imagining things.

Blondes being considered ugly by redpillers isn’t anything to do with race. It just puts them on the low status men list like men with weak chins, short men etc and makes them more likely to be incels.

Give him time, he’s clearly been hurt. Let him be young and single and as another poster has said he may well change his tune down the road.
I’m in my 40s, I travelled the world and had adventures until my late 30s, early 40s when I settled down and started a family. This will naturally happen at different times for different people (if at all). It can’t be forced or planned for.