Durham University freshers ‘aimed to have sex with poorest student’

This has made me so angry. How fucking dare they.

I work at Durham and dislike many aspects of the place. However the fault lies with these males and whatever shaped their view of women. Yes, lots of a certain type are attracted to Durham for its Oxbridge-like reputation (usually because they didn't get in) so we have a lot of privately-educated rahs, some behaving badly.
However it's by no means unique to Durham, plus Durham is actually very good at investigation, particularly around sexual violence and harrassment - it's way ahead in its policies and the ease of reporting, and deals with that stuff way better than examples like Warwick. So yes, it has a boarding-school cliquey feel and is slow to improve their stats on access, but it does some stuff well. And they are investigating these postings. Re. the Police, students at Durham have the option of reporting to the Police, the Uni, both, or just asking for support without reporting. A lot of students want the Uni to investigate and take action, but don't want to report to the Police because outcomes are poor and the process notoriously traumatic and unpleasant.

Another mother of a boy, with the added layer of complexity as he has autism. He is a sensitive, good natured boy but easily influenced. It works in my favour at the moment and I have (age appropriately) talked about girls, sex, porn but I do worry about how he will manage in the future.

As the mothers of boys, yes I do feel afraid for them and powerless against the tidal wave of toxic masculinity, misogyny in our society, and pornography. We're not powerless though, we can fight against it.

I am open with my boy and will try to help him to understand everyday misogyny, toxic masculinity, peer pressure etc. I will hold him to high standards and never, ever excuse behaviour on the grounds that he's male (same for my daughter but female obviously). I'm hoping to give him the tools and confidence to navigate the world as the deeply loving and kind soul he is. I believe parents can do it - there are enough of us worried about this stuff to make a difference.

@SirSamuelVimesBlackboardMonito your post is so true yet gave me a punch in the gut feeling as the mother of two boys. WTF can we do? I feel so powerless at the moment.

@RoxytheRexy I'm so sorry that vile thing happened to you.

10Showandtell1 - with a Dd due to go to university next year, will that study on lad culture at universities be good to read or just worry me more?

I don't think it is exclusive to all boys schools. DD spent 5 years at a co-ed private school and the attitude is still present in a certain type of boy. Over privileged, over entitled, came up through the prep school system so never mixed with anyone outside their circle, A team sports teams, themselves as hyper-masculine. Not typically friends with girls throughout school, merely see them as trophy girlfriends or a notch on the bedpost. DD chose not to stay, and went to a state 6th form college on the basis of no longer wanting to be in a small environment dominated by these types of boy.

I've read that's one of the issues with Durham. It's a university where everyone remains in close quarters with everyone the whole 3 years. It helps such a culture remain dominant and people can't as easily get away from it.

I was at University 50 years ago and the pull a pig thing was rife then. Only a few lads, but they did a lot of damage. Unfortunately my friend was date raped and it was terrible. I remember taking her to the Doctor and she felt so ashamed so frightened about being pregnant . No consequences, it wasn’t talked about in those days.

Roxy - did you drop out as a result? I hope not. What a horrible thing to happen. Glad you’re better now.

@DontBelongHere

“I feel so sad for my boy who is so sweet and sensitive and so beautifully naïve that it's almost painful.“

This is exactly how I feel... Scary.

This happened to me when I was at University of Nottingham. I grew up on a council estate in Leeds. I had a few drinks with an Etonian (meant nothing to me at the time) and we had sex. Found out later it was a bet. This was 18 years ago

I dropped out of my BSc. Had a couple of years out and then went back to uni. I’m not surprised it’s still going on

DD was at Durham 10 years ago, and it was the same then. Most of the students were lovely, but there was a hard core of rich, arrogant, privately educated, entitled misogynists who regarded women as prey. I suspect many went to all male boarding schools and were inculcated with toxic masculinity, basing their ideas of women on internet porn rather than real life relationships. Some also had a chip on their shoulder about failing Oxbridge entry - their parents had been angry or said they were disappointed in them, and the boys were depressed and/or hostile.
It’s a shame, as Durham is a wonderful place to live and study, and the excellent pastoral support and individual college system are big pluses. They need to stamp down hard on the minority of vile lads who are spoiling it for everyone.

And why did politicians think that allowing internet giants to dump an open sewer through the middle of society wouldn't have consequences

100% true.

There was a thread the other day about 1 student being reported for sexual assault by a bunch of girls and it didn't sound like they'd contacted the police.

I'm thinking of other cases as well.

We don’t know that the police aren’t also dealing with it.

I mean I know lots of crimes aren't reported but I've never understood why it's the uni that deals first.

Especially as they seem to want to protect reputation over anything else.

What I don't understand especially with sexual assault or rape is why the thing seems to be to tell the uni and they deal with it etc. They may call police.

If a crime is committed why are the students not going to the police?

'That's what she said' by Alison Phipps is a feminist study into lad culture at university
Very interesting

Ugh

Durham have said they will lose their places if they can prove who it was, but that is very difficult to prove.

Am I right in thinking they are due to start their first year? So not yet registered students? That might make it easier for Durham to act with a bit of backbone.

Durham again. They seem to have a deep seated problem. Perhaps over compensating for not being Oxbridge?

Remember Warwick University last year?

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/anger-at-rape-joke-students-return-to-warwick-university-c3qgxvhbw

Very well-put Allourboys.

I think one thing I also try to remind myself is that during my teenage years and twenties, I had all kinds of ideas that I have long since abandoned and am now quite ashamed of. I think the principles were there - equality, justice, fairness, kindness, and I was generally a good person, but some of the ideas I had about things were half-baked and naive (being very kind to myself). Actually I see the same in my DH. He's a lovely person but he's only now in his mid-30s and a father beginning to truly grasp some of the concepts of feminism and equality (as am I).

I will try to raise my boy with the right principles and let him sift through the dogmas, mantras and stances, as his father and I have done.

That said I would never, ever have done anything close to what those Durham scumbags have done.

My guess is that most of those men will not be having sex with anyone