Conveyancers- man's name first

It is annoying. I knew a lawyer who worked in conveyancing and he tried putting the woman's name first. His manager changed it to the man's name being first.

Yes, they (it was Abbey National at the time) lost out in the end because DH was as infuriated as me. He sold the shares and we had a good holiday and we closed the account and have never banked with them (or Santander) since.

My financial advisor puts my husband's name before mine, and will only call me Mrs even though I use Miss and my maiden name. I make all financial decisions in our house. Even worse - we use him because he is an old friend of mine that I have known over 20 years. He hasn't met my husband except talking over Skype about life insurance etc. For all these reasons, I can't believe he puts my name second on all our paperwork!

I came on to say what @DianasLasso said. There are consequences to these seemingly inconsequential daily inequalities.
Those building societies could have said - joint account, shares are allocated equally, but they didn't. They perpetuated the man's name first and when that impacted detrimentally on women they just shrugged.

I've had this happen to me. Several times. It matters because I'm the one who deals with all that stuff. Whenever there's an issue that I have to contact someone about, a) they can't find it until I remember that they've probably put it under the wrong name, and b) I get told that they'll have to speak to Number One since he's listed first.

Result: dealing with issue much delayed and much aggro. (He's terrible at it. There's a reason I deal with it.)

So, yes, it matters in practice as well as in principle.

I've been the lead on all of our house purchases and sales. I also make all of the financial arrangements. My name is also alphabetically first. And yet my name is always put last. I've even received letters addressed solely to my DH in reply to letters signed by me. Despite the fact they never even meet or talk to my DH, because I deal with everything.

So it bugs me. Yes. I don't think it's random, a pure admin problem, a technical challenge or operator error. It is undeniably another expression of the patriarchy. Male is the default human, so males are addressed first.

100% same, even my name is 1st alphabetically (it starts with an a "A" and his starts with a letter in the middle and we have the same last name so not remotely disputable)

I've rec'd letters addressed to DH for my company (he does not own even 0.1% of it) because he was my +1 at an event (didn't claim anything but being my 'arm candy'), and doesn't know anything about my profession (so booooooring to him lol) but is obviously the contact person for my email account and business because he has a penis. But I get the invites to the cocktail parties, somehow they know who I am when they plan to serve alcohol.

Penis penis penis penis ahh to have the privilege that penis havers beget other penis havers. Also sad because they think penises are superior which just illustrates the inferiority of many at best (materially and theoretically).

So it bugs me. Yes. I don't think it's random, a pure admin problem, a technical challenge or operator error. It is undeniably another expression of the patriarchy. Male is the default human, so males are addressed first.

For mortgage purposes we were informed that the higher earner details would be first, so for our first mortgage all paperwork including conveyancing were mine (female) and subsequent mortgages have been my Husband as he is now the higher earner, could that be the reason?

It's stupid, unnecessary everyday sexism which makes organisations less efficient.

I've always insisted on being first as I remember the building society scandal.
We both joined a certain political party last year. I did the paperwork. Guess who got a welcome phone call? I picked up the phone and explained I'd just joined too, but they had no interest in talking to me, asking why I'd joined etc.

@SofaSurfette that is a ridiculous statement given the fact that women are the ones who have children. Just because you had equal opportunities doesnt mean every woman did. Geeeeez.

I will stick my neck out here, and say that I can't believe people get worked up about the order of names on a piece of paper.

"Well I'm happy to symbolically always come second, and so should all you other silly women! (know your place!)"

I will stick my neck out here, and say that I can't believe people get worked up about the order of names on a piece of paper. As a western woman I feel that in 2020 I have equal opportunity to a man. Sorry but I really do. Think of how women are treated elsewhere in the world if you really want to get worked up about inequality!

@TW2013 that is ridiculous though, how outdated! That definitely needs to be changed.

Same applies to land registry title Information

Maybe tell HMRC that because as dh was listed first on the land registry I couldn't claim stamp duty refund without a letter from him authorising it. That was not explained to us by the solicitor and to be fair she was shocked about it too. She had said it was quite straightforward and it would have been if dh had put the claim in.

It’s not just annoying, it’s insulting.

I work on a one and a half chance and you’re out system. If there’s a case where my name or details should be first and it’s put last I call and ask them to change it. If they fail then I call and say I’m moving my business elsewhere- if they apologise and fix it they’ve redeemed their half chance. If they say sorry to see you go and don’t apologise or actually try to fix it then they don’t get that extra chance.

Done it twice with estate agents as I was the contact, one failed, one fixed right away.

I have low tolerance for computer automated rubbish though, my name requires an unusual capitalisation system as it’s Dutch, so while I don’t mind getting doctors letters with my name mangled, if I’m paying someone a good chunk of money for a service I expect them to be able to pay attention to these kind of details.

I'm quite shocked by this! Never experienced it, I do all the finance/ admin and never had anything addressed to DH even though he's named. I'm in Scotland, maybe depends where you are. I have, however, had the nonsense from school where they always contact me not DH even if I put him first.

I’ve just read your post to DH and he agrees this is terrible, but he says it wouldn’t happen in the U.K, as mortgage lenders treat mortgage borrowers jointly and severally, with both having full and free access to records. Same applies to land registry title Information. (We’re assuming you’re in the USA - sorry if that’s wrong)

100% on point, USA - Florida to be exact! I can access all of the records online but I can't make changes that require actual contact. Mortgage company takes payments from me just fine and speaks to me just fine but they (both the 1st and refinance) were the catalysts that put DH in 1st position leading the property appraiser and tax collector and homeowners insurance companies to create a barrier to my activity (beyond payments of course, gotta get that money!) - activity like modifying the insurance policies/making claims, updating property records and pulling permits.

I’m really shocked by this too. It sounds like how things would have been here 30 years ago.

As women we are told again and again in the US that our ship has sailed - that we won our rights but everywhere I turn in this country I see erasure of my kind of woman and inclusion of individuals in female spaces that experience or have experienced the benefits of being male. Also that males are always the default even when a woman made the purchase based on her merit and handles all of the associated ancillaries during and post-purchase.

He’s still not relenting on the order of names on the files though, but I’m hoping we’ve at least planted a seed in his mind that it’s offensive to a lot of women. Hopefully he will mention it to his female boss tomorrow.

All we can do is plant the seeds, I plant them with my DH and attempt to cultivate them but ultimately it is up to him to determine his perspective.