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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Surrogacy for straight men wanting kids?

61 replies

bathsh3ba · 25/08/2020 08:35

I can't find the link now but yesterday I was scrolling through Twitter and there was a post where someone was moaning about being blocked from Tinder. Another guy said dating was hopeless, there were no decent women and he was going to use his best female friend's eggs and hire a surrogate to carry them. He also said lots of straight men were now doing this.
I have so many questions! Is this really a common thing now, hiring women's wombs out? I'd heard of it for fertility problems but not just convenience. Why would anyone do it? No amount of money would make me carry someone else's child for 9 months then give it away. Since when did babies come to order? Ugh....

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OhHolyJesus · 27/08/2020 11:54

An old story but Ian Mucklejohn is the single father of triplets boys and raised them with nannies.

From 2016.
"Ian noted that there was a large amount of discrimination against him and he was blasted as selfish by some people. He thinks that had he not been a straight man, the process would have been easier."
Hmm
https://www.mirror.co.uk/tv/tv-news/teenage-triplets-britains-first-male-8587536

DreadPirateLuna · 27/08/2020 11:35

Oh and the thing to do if you can't find someone who you want to have a long-term relationship to have a child is to find someone, of the opposite sex, you can co-parent with.

But that would involve actually cooperating with a woman!

Does it not occur to these guys that they'd have a 50/50 chance of having a daughter, who would one day grow up into one of those terrible adult female things?

RedRumTheHorse · 27/08/2020 10:59

@formerbabe

Never heard of straight men using surrogates before. Considering how many men in m/f couples shirk the drudgery of child rearing, I'm absolutely amazed that there's straight men queuing up for single parenthood.
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5418301/Japanese-man-13-surrogate-children-wants-1-000.html (Other newspapers are available.)

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ceawlin_Thynn,_8th_Marquess_of_Bath
(For the spare.)

Oh and the thing to do if you can't find someone who you want to have a long-term relationship to have a child is to find someone, of the opposite sex, you can co-parent with. There are dating websites in the US set up for this. Surrogacy is expensive and most MRA on twitter are just spouting shit. as they can't afford it.

formerbabe · 27/08/2020 10:45

Never heard of straight men using surrogates before. Considering how many men in m/f couples shirk the drudgery of child rearing, I'm absolutely amazed that there's straight men queuing up for single parenthood.

SerendipityJane · 27/08/2020 10:42

The BBC for eg are pushing surrogacy stories, narrative is it's great and awesome, the surrogate more or less written out.

You can file those alongside the "Hey wow, isn't being disabled Great !" stories they like to run. The ones that fail to mention the stress and horror of trying to apply for ESA, PIP, and get around a ablecentric society safely.

NiceGerbil · 27/08/2020 01:49

The BBC for eg are pushing surrogacy stories, narrative is it's great and awesome, the surrogate more or less written out.

The fact that pregnancy and childbirth are risky is something that a lot of people fundamentally don't seem to get. Even without this, on here. You see the whole, you're pregnant not ill. Women have been having babies for millennia you're not special stop fussing. Etc etc.

I think it boils down to a deeply held belief that this is what women are for and so it's not a big deal.

The other thing with surrogacy is the effect on the baby of being removed at birth is not ever mentioned at all. Another consequence of our vessel status.

It's all shit tbh and all ties together.

FannyCann · 27/08/2020 00:18

Not sure about how some adverts are allowed and some aren't, but I am very sure it will get a whole lot worse if the law Commission plan to lift the ban goes through.

Here's one I found.
Interesting how they appeal to women to help another woman...

Be amazing
Be generous
Help another woman be a mother
Empower other women
Pass on your genes even if you don't want to be a mother!

www.londoneggbank.com/donors/why-become-an-egg-donor/

Surrogacy for straight men wanting kids?
Surrogacy for straight men wanting kids?
Surrogacy for straight men wanting kids?
FannyCann · 26/08/2020 13:00

it's clear most people want it that way.

Most people won't be the people expected to take risks with their health and put themselves through unpleasant procedures and nine months pregnancy and childbirth to provide the babies to order that "most" people want.

Imnobody4 · 26/08/2020 11:11

SerendipityJane
What you're talking about applies to all cultural change and civilisations. It's the thin edge of the wedge and tipping points versus stultifying tradition and stasis. You'd think by now people would be better at recognising when progress is going bad but it's a generational thing, the young have no history.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives Abba Eban
None of this means you accept this and taking a position of detachment is self indulgent and worse than useless.

SerendipityJane · 26/08/2020 10:32

Not quite related to this, but for some reason it flickered across my mind last night ...

Wasn't a case a while back where a deaf couple insisted on having a deaf baby ?

Ah, yes:

jme.bmj.com/content/28/5/283

A deaf lesbian couple in the US deliberately tried to create a deaf child. Sharon Duchesneau and Candy McCullough hoped their child, conceived with the help of a sperm donor, would be deaf like the rest of the family. Their daughter, five year old Jehanne, is also deaf and was conceived with the same donor. News of the couple choosing to have a deaf child has only been revealed with the birth of their son Gauvin.1–4

That's from 2002 - 18 years or a generation ago.

Like I said - that ship said years ago. It will be a lot of work - at least 18 years worth - to catch it and bring it back to port.

Human life as commodity. Maybe we should just accept it and move on ? After all (looks around Britian in 2020) it's pretty much the truth. And for all the bunny, it's clear most people want it that way. Especially if they think someone else is losing out over it.

JonHammIsMyJamm · 26/08/2020 10:30

Those Drewitt-Barlow guys are repulsive. One of them is now with his DD’s 23yo ex and they’re having yet another surrogate baby. Grotesque.

ThePankhurstConnection · 26/08/2020 10:22

[quote Imnobody4]Funny how a woman having her own child involves pain, surgery etc, etc, and a man having his own child involves a woman having surgery etc, etc. It's almost as if men think women are just one more natural resource to be exploited.
I don't underestimate an individual's desire to have a child but the human condition involves pain and disappointment. Without it we can hardly be called human.
www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/first-came-penis-envy-now-theres-womb-envy-1586614.html[/quote]
Quite.

Women and women's bodies are not commodities for people to use when they wish, so it is a blanket no to all surrogacy for me.

OhHolyJesus · 26/08/2020 10:03

I think Facebook ads are allowed as it's a global company. I get loads from British Surrogacy Centre just because of the algorithms of my posts and shares (and the things I could tell you about co-Directors Tony and Barrie Drewitt Barlow would make you sick). I block each and every one, my understanding is it isn't illegal but taking out a private as in a newspaper or doing say a leaflet drop, is.

Here's a recent article from Canada containing examples of ads we could expect to see in the U.K. if the proposal to lift the ban on advertising is part of the bill that would see the law change in the U.K. I have seen similar ads on FB. Always happy smiling faces, no details whatsoever about the procedure and what it entails, let alone what the risks are.

https://heyreprotech.substack.com/p/ads-that-target-young-women?r=3lkx6&utmcampaign=post&utmmmedium=email&utmsource=facebook

110APiccadilly · 26/08/2020 09:35

@FannyCann I've obviously aged out of it or something, but I used to get quite a lot of adverts about egg donation on Facebook. Were these illegal or were they using a loophole?

buttonhole · 26/08/2020 08:48

@1940s

I dont see the difference between a single man, a gay couple or a married straight couple for example that are infertile. They all can't physically have children. I disagree with surrogacy in each scenario. And the more we see it in any of the scenarios the more prevalent it will become across each scenario.

Very well put.

buttonhole · 26/08/2020 08:47

I have always had the feeling that M Jackson and C Ronaldo were not interested in women.

FannyCann · 26/08/2020 08:02

Where do they think all the young women willing to provide this "service" will come from?

The law Commission propose lifting the current ban on advertising - this is what our young women face, being relentlessly targeted for the eggs or rent of their uterus.

https://heyreprotech.substack.com/p/ads-that-target-young-women?r=3qvki&utmcampaign=post&utmmmedium=email&utmsource=copy

NiceGerbil · 26/08/2020 00:44

'Straight men wanting babies is no different to gay men; women are still not a commodity for them to use.

^
This.'

This again.

As for the poster who seems (admittedly I skimmed) to be drawing equivalence between men getting eggs and a surrogate (risk and a lot of time to two women) with getting some spunk... Wtf.

Semen is hardly in short supply. Some men even generously share it with women's coats on the tube.

stairway · 25/08/2020 22:56

Ronaldo did this as well which I found absolutely bizarre given he had female partners, although I’ve always wondered if he was gay.

RaveOm · 25/08/2020 22:54

It needs to be totally outlawed, and made illegal to travel to another country to use a surrogate too.

BlackWaveComing · 25/08/2020 22:45

[quote Imnobody4]Funny how a woman having her own child involves pain, surgery etc, etc, and a man having his own child involves a woman having surgery etc, etc. It's almost as if men think women are just one more natural resource to be exploited.
I don't underestimate an individual's desire to have a child but the human condition involves pain and disappointment. Without it we can hardly be called human.
www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/first-came-penis-envy-now-theres-womb-envy-1586614.html[/quote]
This x 100

Goosefoot · 25/08/2020 22:44

@SerendipityJane

Not that you can go backwards as such, but you have to follow the string back until you find the knot and try and untangle it there.

That ship sailed decades ago. If indeed it was ever in port to start with. I believe the roller coaster has climbed the up bit (took a long time) and we're just at the point where you can wave to your watching family before it hurtles down, accelerating (because that's how gravity works) before it hits the ground at pretty much terminal (which would be the correct word in so many ways) velocity.

I have fuck all intention of being in said car, but don't really know where's best to stand and watch the carnage. Although I'm guessing it would be somewhere that doesn't speak English.

I suspect that you are right, on a society level it is going to crash. But for those who see it is a problem, I think it's important to try and do the intellectual work of the unpicking.
CodenameVillanelle · 25/08/2020 21:43

@GrapefruitsAreNotTheOnlyFruit

Didn't Michael Jackson do this years ago?
Yes but I think he simply bought the babies from their mothers after artificially impregnating them. They had pretend relationships then the mothers just faded away.
DopamineHits · 25/08/2020 21:41

What about women who do this? Are they let off the hook?

My main problem tbh is that he says there are no decent women, then announces a plan that will require at least two women to do him a very big favour for it to have any chance of success.

DidoLamenting · 25/08/2020 21:34

It's almost as if men think women are just one more natural resource to be exploited

What about women who do this? Are they let off the hook?

Stop pretending that surrogacy and the exploitation of surrogate mothers is something only men do.