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Original poster

Writing to restaurants and cafes with single-sex loos - anyone want to join me?

162 replies

williammorris · 23/08/2020 13:14

We had a lovely meal in a local restaurant last week - four of us - so the bill was around £130 and on a day when it wasn't eat out to help out, and they were relatively quiet.

Went to the loo at the end - and the three cubicles were single-sex with the wash basins outside in quite a limited space. One of the cubicles was in a mess, with the toilet seat up.

I'm fed up with this. I have a decent disposable income and from now on, I'm boycotting all local restaurants and cafes that don't separate by sex, and I've written to this one to tell them that, spelling out why - e.g. women and teenage girls don't like dealing with sanpro with men in close proximity and the mess you inevitably get.

In future, I'll email to ask about their toilets before making a booking.

Does anyone want to join me in doing the same? I'm guessing it's often men who decide the layout without thinking about the impact, but if we start writing and asking, it may dawn on them they could lose business because of it.

OP posts:
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Thelnebriati · 24/08/2020 12:52

@Knobblybobbly
Lol..... spy cameras? Seriously?!*

www.thesun.co.uk/news/12430560/sainsburys-worker-filmed-colleagues-camera/

DialSquare · 24/08/2020 12:51

I sometimes write emails whilst working for my sizeable disposable income if I'm waiting for a large report to download or part of my system is closed for maintenance. I'm such a rebel.

littlbrowndog · 24/08/2020 12:48

Uppity women. That’s what they are. Uppity

Datun · 24/08/2020 12:47

...sorry have a sizeable income and write emails.

Whatever next.

littlbrowndog · 24/08/2020 12:47

Omg datun. So true

How very dare she 😂😂👏👏🔥🔥

Datun · 24/08/2020 12:46

@Kantastic

As a side note I'd love to know what job you do

Wow what utter snide assholes are populating this thread, are some people trying to get it deleted? Why would anyone do that?

It's rather shocking in this day and age that women are viewed with suspicion if they say they have a sizeable income, and can phone up restaurants.
Original poster
williammorris · 24/08/2020 12:45

Yup, I didn't say that and have no need to justify my income, how I allocate my time, or why I feel strongly about protecting single-sex spaces, but, yes, very snide.

An email takes me a few minutes to write, it's really not difficult or time-consuming.

OP posts:
littlbrowndog · 24/08/2020 12:44

But goosefoot.

Why does the UN campaign for separate toilets.

They see it as being a barrier for women and girls for education and work

TheFleegleHasLanded · 24/08/2020 12:43

Single SEX facilities are safer, so no, I don't want to share with a man who identifies as a woman for all the reasons already mentioned in this thread.

Writing to restaurants and cafes with single-sex loos - anyone want to join me?
Writing to restaurants and cafes with single-sex loos - anyone want to join me?
Goosefoot · 24/08/2020 12:40

@Kantastic

This is a very strange thread. Lots of new usernames putting down OP and making a point of saying "I won't be joining you" - why is that? usually people don't bother with threads that don't interest them

I can only conclude OP that this suggestion has upset a lot of people who are for some reason opposed to women having our own spaces, and it's probably a good suggestion. I do check about unisex toilets when I book a place.

I think that's not really what's going on

The OP asked people to join her, which explains the responses.

But single sex toilets have never been a good campaign to try and create unity around. Partly because people have very differing opinions, but also I think because there are so many different kinds of situations and toileting arrangements. A cafe with a one room toilet for all is nothing like a cineplex with 50 stalls, or an office with a few workers is not much like a bus station.

People are often thinking of totally different situations. Individuals circumstances are different too, if they have small kids etc. And IME they also often have more varied viewpoints about toilets than about change rooms, hospital wards, etc.

It may be why TRA started with toilets, it's just not a big rallying cry in the abstract.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 24/08/2020 12:37

As a side note I'd love to know what job you do that enables you to have a "sizeable disposable income" as well as having the time to contact every establishment you want to visit in advance and have this discussion with them

Eh? Anyone with family members who have disabilities, allergies or food intolerances will do this - it's part of the booking process!

littlbrowndog · 24/08/2020 12:36

Trad wife. jeez

littlbrowndog · 24/08/2020 12:33

Why is it the UN campaign for separate toilets for women and girls ?

littlbrowndog · 24/08/2020 12:30

So snidey aren’t they. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️😎

Kantastic · 24/08/2020 12:25

As a side note I'd love to know what job you do

Wow what utter snide assholes are populating this thread, are some people trying to get it deleted? Why would anyone do that?

Original poster
williammorris · 24/08/2020 12:20

@ZolaGrey A job I've worked very hard in for many years and where I've been paid equally or better than men around me. Thanks to the campaigning older women did in the past to establish women's rights and equal pay, but sadly a battle that's still not won for everyone.

I don't need to work such long hours now because I'm financially very stable through my own efforts.

OP posts:
DevonHoliday20 · 24/08/2020 12:18

Don’t tell me.... you’d rather a transgender woman didn’t use the same bathroom as you either?

If you mean a man who "identifies" as a woman, then yes, I would prefer not to share a toilet facility with them. Because statistically, transwomen commit sexual crimes at the same rate as other men.

And anyone can claim to be trans these days. Any man who thinks it may benefit him.

Roswellconspiracy · 24/08/2020 12:13

I've also noticed an uptick in this forum of random posters making comments downplaying women's concerns

Very weird how violence and assult against women is downplayed by the same people who think that the same men are ao violent against transwomen that the transwomen should be allowed to use the womens.

And can never answer how , if the same violent men that attack the transwomen in the mens can now follow them into the unisex toilet, they suddenly are no longer a danger to the women or the transwomen in there..

What's so special about a toilet door that renders the problen null and void ?

Perhaps these special super powered doors should be fitted in prisons ? Would sort every thing right rout

ZolaGrey · 24/08/2020 12:12

@williammorris

Sharing the same loo at a friend's or family's home is completely different, of course it is.

I'm a little shocked that on the feminism chat topic there is so little concern about this creeping loss of single-sex spaces when we're out and about. Especially when you think about teenage girls going through that very selfish-conscious phase of puberty - can no-one else remember the strong desire for privacy, especially in the presence of men and boys at that age?

Or would I be too much of a conspiracy theorist to think there's a creeping agenda coming up on this board?

You're taking umbrage with something at a very small, independent business level. Boycotting your local Italian and causing a fuss because they only have one unisex toilet cubicles is petty and probably not that productive.

If the eradication of designated spaces for different sexes is what concerns you then you need to take that complaint higher than Mr Bloggs who owns the local cafe and can't really do anything about it.

As a side note I'd love to know what job you do that enables you to have a "sizeable disposable income" as well as having the time to contact every establishment you want to visit in advance and have this discussion with them.

Datun · 24/08/2020 12:11

@TweeBree

I've also noticed an uptick in this forum of random posters making comments downplaying women's concerns.
Indeed. I don't know if it's just new people joining, or if it's deliberate.

Either way, established posters will need to link, once again, to all the information.

Not everyone knows the statistics. So, I guess, opportunities to enlighten should really be considered positively, rather than negatively.

Wearywithteens · 24/08/2020 12:07

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Teacakequeen · 24/08/2020 12:03

I think where the sink is situated is very important. Expecting both sexes to stand side by side in a communal area and wash their hands together seems to be the new part of the arrangement. Small restaurants might only have room for single toilets but these should have a sink included in the cubicle in my opinion. I think most people like some privacy , even if it's just to comb their hair or put lipstick on.

TweeBree · 24/08/2020 12:02

I've also noticed an uptick in this forum of random posters making comments downplaying women's concerns.

Estrellente · 24/08/2020 11:55

I would choose floor to ceiling cubicles with their own basins in, with one of those being bigger and appropriately kitted out for disabled people and changing facilities. I’d be happy for those cubicles to be unisex.

Roswellconspiracy · 24/08/2020 11:54

Statistically men commit over 95 percent of all sexual assults.

90 percent of sexual assults that happen in public changing rooms etc happen in mixed sex facilities.

Its not drama over nothing.

Single sex provision is safer for women. Doesn't eliminate risk entirely but it reduces it quite dramatically.

Men pose the greater risk however they identify. Sex segregatiom is safer for women.