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Original poster

ROGD - how do you cope?

32 replies

contactusdeletus · 19/08/2020 00:30

Basically.

How do you cope when a teen family member goes full ROGD? It's happening to me right now and I'm honestly not sure how much more of this I can take.

Not my child, so what I can actually do to control the situation is limited. There is just so much I hate about this. The fear for him is top of the list, but it's also getting harder and harder to be around him. I just can't take the constant self-deception, the rewriting of his childhood to fit a trans narrative, and the constant, low-level emotional manipulation. I feel like I'm being guilt-tripped at every turn. Every conversation feels like an attempt to get me to pity him, then give the correct, affirmative, love-bomb response. I know I should rise above it, but I hate the way he's treating me. I hate the side of him this is bringing out, and I can't enjoy spending time with him anymore.

I know he's in the thick of it right now and I'm hoping this will pass. But it's a hard line to walk and I can feel it taking a toll on my mental health too. Would really appreciate any coping strategies

OP posts:
Mumofstanley · 19/08/2020 01:37

chickenyhead
OP knows humans can't change sex. That is her right. The child is not hers.
I wish I had some great advice for you.
I would respect the name change and reluctantly the pronoun but would pull them up on the rewriting of history.

YouWereGr8InLittleMenstruators · 19/08/2020 01:29

My DB and his wife have done pretty much as Black describes for the last 6 or 7 years, after initially properly freaking out for a year, when DNiece developed ROGD in her early teens, likely as effect of social contagion (several girls in year also did). DB and DSil have gone all out to support ungendered hobbies and leisure activities (scouting, golfing, kayaking etc), as a way of centering the individual, providing distraction from fixating on trans identity, as well as encouraging study of subjects DNiece is passionate about at school and subsequently college, irrespective of gender feels, and focussing on keeping the relationship good. It's been relentless, and very much how you describe it. They have also ensured DNiece has received excellent ongoing support with Aspbergers, anxiety and depression. They haven't affirmed, but rather consistently

chickenyhead · 19/08/2020 01:28

she is identifying as a girl. That's her right. She is your child.

BlackForestCake · 19/08/2020 01:20

What is the half-way position between "I'm a girl" and "No you're not" ?

chickenyhead · 19/08/2020 00:52

Maybe don't force your opinions on them. Maybe agree to meet half way. They are more likely to listen then.

BlackWaveComing · 19/08/2020 00:50

For yourself, talk with friends on the same wave length. Redirect yourself when ruminating. Keep contact with ROGD kid time-limited and activity based.

BlackWaveComing · 19/08/2020 00:45

I have experienced this with two of my kids. I have to have my own support from a GC therapist to cope. It's a complete mind-fuck. I feel very distanced from currently experiencing ROGD child. He in turn despises my so-called bigotry. It's a nightmare.

In terms of what you can do, try to stay connected. Offer other conversations or experiences that have nothing to do with gender. Try to connect over music, hobbies etc. Don't confront but don't affirm. Practice active listening.

I did all this the first time round, and for the first year or so the second. It helps maintain sanity + relationship.