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Original poster

Am I non binary?

90 replies

purplewolfie · 17/08/2020 00:27

Hello everyone. My sister's just come out as nonbinary and I got upset tonight as I was trying to explain how I'm not a fan of gender expectations and stereotypes - now it seems to be that my (woke-ish) family think I'm a non binary in denial and that this is why I'm upset and feeling a sense of injustice and unfairness. I said that I felt taking on a non binary identity just removes me from the fight - just makes the issue about me and not society.
They swear blind that there are tonnes of people who wake very morning feeling their gender is right and proper and, if I'm not in this camp, then I must be non binary. Is this right? I want to hold up the concept of gender to a spotlight and maybe get rid of it - they say the politically active thing to do is to remove myself from the equation and come as non binary. My instinct is that this is a cop out and individualistic. I got upset. My head is screwed :(

OP posts:
GlummyMcGlummerson · 17/08/2020 05:43

If gender is actually real then we are ALL non-binary. No one in the world 100% fits the Male or female gender stereotype.

But gender is a BS concept IMO, so people who claim they're "non binary" just don't conform to (sexist) gender norms imposed on their sex. Which is great but really why label it? It seems to me that actually 'gender' is just another way of saying 'personality'

skql · 17/08/2020 05:03

i think non binary is meaningless concept.
it's artificial.

Onestepup · 17/08/2020 03:44

No, stating scientific facts about chromosomes and biological sex is not 'akin to racism' Hmm. And a scientific fact is not a 'belief'. Ask your family whether they believe Rachel Dolezal is actually a black woman trapped in a Caucasian body?

ContentiousOne · 17/08/2020 03:38

Celebrate their gender daily?

I think your family are fibbing to you. Not in 49 years have I ever met a human who gets up everyday of their lives and celebrates being assigned the masculine role or the feminine role.

I can confidently assert I've never done it.

FWRLurker · 17/08/2020 03:30

They are the ones who are trying to be “sex blind” in the way that the soft form of racism tries to be “color blind”. That is, by pretending they don’t know what sex a person is they make it impossible to address the problem head-on.

You and your whole family (and everyone else) know what sex your sister is (female) and gender roles are forced upon her by others no matter how she may “identify”.

At best NB is useless nonsense. At worst it’s actively supporting gender roles.

Ghoste · 17/08/2020 03:29

I just don't understand it. How could you match any feeling you have to either gender or to neither? How would you even know what a female or male experience would be like? I'm a woman but I can't say what it's like to be a different woman or make claims about the whole category of women. I feel like I'm just missing something important about this whole discussion.

Ghoste · 17/08/2020 03:19

there are tonnes of people who wake very morning feeling their gender is right and proper

What? I've never even heard of this before. So weird.

DancelikeEmmaGoldman · 17/08/2020 03:08

Congratulations. You have a personality. You may now proceed to engage in activities which interest you; wear clothing appropriate to those activities, or just because you want to, and seek whatever sexual or romantic partners tickle your fancy.

Welcome to the world of people.

Original poster
purplewolfie · 17/08/2020 02:38

Thank you everyone. Just needed a reality check.in. I tried to explain that no one I know presents themselves as a gender- people are a collection of 'pink and blue' - but they insisted that they know loads of people who celebrate their gender daily 🤷🏻‍♀️ They told me that my beliefs are like racism - that's when I got drunkenly upset due to the batshitery-ness. I'm the step/half child and sometimes I feel the bad one.

OP posts:
MissMarks · 17/08/2020 00:56

If you have a vagina you are a woman. That’s it. You can call yourself whatever the flip you like but biologically you are a woman.
Honestly- this is all pretentious nonsense which is doing so much harm to young people. Wise up.

Purpleartichoke · 17/08/2020 00:52

No one feels like their gender because there is nothing to feel. Experienced women understand the impact biology has on their lives, that doesn’t mean they embrace their gender, just that they understand being the part of the species with the potential to
Carry young has physical, social, and financial consequences.

ErrolTheDragon · 17/08/2020 00:51

My instinct is that this is a cop out and individualistic. I got upset. My head is screwed

...on the right way and theirs isn't.
The politically active thing to do is to try to dismantle restrictive gender stereotypes for everyone.

DidoLamenting · 17/08/2020 00:48

My sister's just come out as nonbinary

How does this manifest itself?

MajesticWhine · 17/08/2020 00:36

I feel the same way I think. My (adult) DC think I am non binary or at least they tease me about it because I am so uptight about gender and because I am not especially conforming.
But every time a non conforming woman declares themselves non binary they reinforce the extremes of gender expectation and narrow the definition of woman. So you are right, and they are wrong. It's a society problem not a you problem.

ContentiousOne · 17/08/2020 00:35

I don't know....I think NB is a pile of nonsense, because none of us have an inmate hardwiring to the feminine or the masculine.

But if I had to label myself in the new language, sure, I'm an agender non-binary, femme presenting female.

I mean, if your fam believe 99% of women wake up every morning with some sort of giggly and pink womanly soul feeling, and you don't, but you also don't wake up with a gruff blue manly soul feeling, of course you must be NB!