Just for a second I really hated my husband.

Your head isn’t up your arse! Don’t turn it on yourself. It’s not your fault!

I’m surprised at the lack of empathy on this thread.

I don’t walk in the countryside alone, and it kills me that I can’t. There was a post on the local FB group about sth happening to a lone woman on the railway Walk here, and it was all I could do to stop myself going full on talking about „Gift of Fear“ / Krav Maga style advice ... I’m jealous of those who are that carefree.

This is very much your problem, OP. Nothing to do with feminism and everything to do with your own anxiety.

Plenty of us have dined alone with no issues whatsoever.

Maybe it depends on your background a bit.

I don’t know what I’m trying to say here really but it makes me so sad for young girls and women that they can’t just watch life going by on their own.

Yes they can, I love dining alone, and even going to the pub alone!
Just sounds like you've had some bad encounters

I’ve been eating and drinking on my own since the 1970s in pubs, restaurants and bars in this country and abroad. Yes I’ve been chatted up and propositioned many times but have mostly pleasantly extracted myself from such situations. It’s never been a problem...once or twice I’ve gone along with it and had nice encounters...I suppose I’ve been lucky, but I think my experience is fairly typical.

I’ve been to pubs and restaurants all over London and never experienced this. Are you stunning OP

I think you've created a vision here which barely resembles real life.

It's almost like you're annoyed with yourself for not being a bit more self sufficient that you've created this 'bad world for women' justification?

I can't say I have ever felt this way particularly, I often would go to the pub or dinner or a film by myself when I was younger. Only once did I ever have trouble with a strange man bothering me, I managed to put him off but it was a bit of a piss-off. But out of more than forty years that was only one incident. Mostly people left me alone or in some cases chatted in a friendly way.

I've gone by myself to bars/cafés/restaurants all my adult life, with no more harassment than any other activity. Solo train journeys, on the other hand, were full of creepy guys hitting on me, which made my work commute annoying until I discovered that knitting on trains dramatically reduced the frequency of harrassment.

I bloody love going out to a pub or having dinner on my own, with a good book! I'm sorry that your experiences have, I think, warped your sense of what is safe and unsafe. I hope you enjoy yourself thoroughly when you go out!

I don’t recognise any of the situations you’re describing. I’ve never had anyone bother or approach me while alone. I wouldn’t feel remotely unsafe drinking or eating alone. Maybe you need to pick nicer establishments?

I've never had a problem doing this in London. I think if it's perfectly obvious that you're relaxed and enjoying your own company most people will leave you alone, irrespective of your sex or age.

I’m sorry that you feel uncomfortable dining or drinking alone but I don’t think that it’s a universal experience in London.

One of my greatest joys is a cake & coffee or a solo glass of wine in a bar or cafe. Very occasionally I take my laptop to the pub down the road and finish my emails for the day with a pint. I’ve never been hassled. I also backpacked solo for months on end when I was younger.

Funnily I feel more at risk running early in the morning in quiet streets or the park. That’s something I’ve more or less given up in my mid 30s as I just can’t shake the niggle of feeling unsafe.

I've done that a lot when I used to travel alone in Asia. I'd often get men in hostels who made a big deal out of being so surprised I was travelling alone though. Luckily for me nothing bad ever happened.

This is a tricky one as everyone's lived experience is different to another's. I found it liberating to find the courage to eat and drink alone as I saw fit, living in East London in my mid 20s (only a few years ago) but I felt at the time able to shrug off or say fuck off to any unwanted attention and as I've matured I understand that isn't possible for everyone to do AND it shouldn't be something women "should" do, their experience of feeling threatened is perfectly valid.

As a victim of sexual violence of rape I think my views on what I can cope with are warped as my experiences are 'worse' then cat calling, a man pulling a seat up uninvited etc - and I feel terribly guilty for viewing these as sort of 'lesser than' offences. That blame lies with me.

As I say, post attack, I found it liberating to sit where the fuck I wanted and feel able to say 'stop' to a man who imposed in that situation, because I couldn't say 'stop' to my violent attack and so it felt somehow less scary.

For others whose experience of male violence IS that unwanted cat call, seat taking, conversation etc I totally understand how absolutely skin crawlingly horrible it still is

People who are nasty are the problem not you,

I do this all the time (eating / drinking alone) in London and feel safe. It’s pretty common now days

@MangoBiscuit do it! There are plenty of us men who’d be happy to chat, that won’t assume you are flirting. Tonnes of women have approached me and struck up conversations, and I wouldn’t naturally assume that automatically mean they had a romantic/sexual interest in me. I used to get teased by an old female friend of mine that she couldn’t leave me for 5 mins without her coming back and some woman was talking to me.

I’m quite an extrovert and love people, and I have somehow managed to to go my whole life without being told to fuck off, by any woman. I’ve tried to unpack how I do it, but a lot of it is second nature at this point, and some of it seems so common sense and obvious it’s barely worth mentioning.

1. Obviously never disturb anyone who appears busy or lost in their own thoughts.
2. I’ll make closed statements, never questions at first a chatty person will engage whereas you have given someone who isn’t interested an out

One time I got it wrong was I was at a bus stop and it was only myself and this very young looking girl waiting who was definitely in the not up for any interaction variety, but the bus wasn’t only late but didn’t turn up at all, so I went and ordered a taxi. I was a little uncomfortable leaving her there at night so I offered her a spot in my taxi if we were both going in the same direction. Turned out I was further along the route than her. She accepted, and I tried to put her at ease by being chatty, but she was clearly uncomfortable, so I left it. Maybe a mildly awkward silence until she got out, but at least I knew she got home safe.

I was a much younger man back then and wasn’t as educated on how all this must feel from a woman’s perspective, but I have always tried to do my best.

You had a horrible experience with those men OP, and I can see why it put you off. But like many other PPs I can say that I have eaten by myself many times - lunch and a glass of wine is lovely by yourself, in a nice place, with your phone or a book perhaps, and never had any trouble. I've been on holiday by myself a couple of times with no hassle. I don't think I've gone to pubs much by myself except if waiting for someone who was late, but that's more because I consider pubs a place Id go with friends, its not somewhere I'd want to go alone.

I used to love going to galleries and the cinema by myself. I have two lovely kids now and a great husband, but I do miss occasional days of wandering around London pleasing myself. I hope you get the confidence to do it and enjoy it!

I think you have been unlucky OP, I can see why it's put you off but do try again. It would be great if it were a more common sight. I've done pubs, clubs, gigs, cinema, restaurant, theatre and a festival on my own. I would have missed out on lots of things otherwise, and I don't want to take someone who isn't into that band or whatever just to have company. However I think I must somehow radiate Fuck Off, or people think I look like an oddball, or I'm lucky with the venues and types of events. Either way I tend to get left alone and if I didn't I'd move or ask staff to intervene if necessary. Like others my worst experiences have been with people I knew but I have been hassled in the street when alone and when I've been in a group in a club or bar.

I’m going to order a massive burger tie a napkin around my chin and face plant it.

I won't disingenuously insist I don't know what you're talking about, because of course I do. It's still possible, though.

This is one of those threads that makes me realise how plain I must be. I have never had anyone approach me with anything but a pleasant exchange of words. I have often sat on my own waiting for my husband or sister or a friend to join me and I have never been bothered by unwanted male attention in forty odd years.
Like other posters I generally take my Kindle but I enjoy the ambience and opportunity to people watch.

OP having lunch and a glass of wine by yourself is really lovely. Take a book or the paper if you feel anxious - I also think it's a signal to other people that you are happy being on your own and not to approach you - and obviously you'll have your phone. There's just something lovely about it - you'll see! I'm sorry about your experiences, I hope you don't miss out on something you might enjoy because of them.

I am happy to eat/drink/theater alone and have never had an issue (despite being told by my hard core feminist mother women should never drink in a pub alone!) However, I often feel unsafe abroad in some countries and get hassled a lot. I love traveling alone but I'm a bit more cautious which is sad. I think as women we probably unconsciously risk assess situations.

I'm also worried that if I was drinking a glass of wine alone and something happened (eg. drink spiked - sexual assault) that my behaviour would be judged if that makes sense? That I'd put myself in a risky situation but a guy going out for a pint on his own wouldn't be remarkable. Someone I work with regularly goes out to a random pub to watch football on his own, but I don't think women tend to do this?