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Original poster

Undermined, patronised, dismissed

59 replies

doadeer · 11/08/2020 17:39

I feel really upset about a hospital appointment today, and I just feel the need to vent at what I hope will be a sympathetic board.

I had an awful pregnancy 2 years ago, lots of scares followed by the most horrendous pelvic pain which resulted in me being practically house bound as I couldn't get back up the stairs. It was truly miserable. Pre pregnancy I exercised daily... By 20 weeks I couldn't walk without pain. I was of you who have lived with daily pain, will know how absolutely debilitating and demoralising it is.

Fast forward to the present, despite what I would say has been £1000 spent on osteopaths, physios, Pilates, and all manner of specialists to try and help me be able to walk in 30 minutes without pain, I'm still in a sorry state. I'm only 30... I can't bear for this to be my reality forever.

I had a call with physio today, in order to determine which type of scan I should have. from the onset, he put me down, patronised and diminished everything I was saying. He told me it wasn't as if my body had suffered a trauma so I should be fine. Only a man would say this. Many many women suffer what can only be described as trauma in pregnancy or childbirth.

I felt so angry and frustrated, I burst into tears after the call, which I never do.

Can anyone relate?

OP posts:
lady69 · 11/08/2020 18:43

Make a note of everything and complain to your local patient liaison service. www.nhs.uk/common-health-questions/nhs-services-and-treatments/what-is-pals-patient-advice-and-liaison-service/

Original poster
doadeer · 11/08/2020 18:42

@AsTreesWalking that's terrible! Did you manage to get it sorted?

OP posts:
Original poster
doadeer · 11/08/2020 18:37

@AsTreesWalking

I'm so sorry, deer that you have such pain. I hope that you are listened to soon. Can you find a physio who specialises in women's health? A friend of mine is one, so I know they exist. Sadly, it's not just male doctors. A woman GP told me I couldn't be anaemic, because I didn't 'look it'. At that point I couldn't play with my children or even walk upstairs without having to sit down at the top...
I've been working with specialists for 18m now. They think I need a scan as I'm not seeing improvements in my pain though I'm a lot stronger in my muscles.

This physio today was to "triage" me and organise the MRI scan.

I agree post natal specialists are the key!

OP posts:
AsTreesWalking · 11/08/2020 18:34

I'm so sorry, deer that you have such pain. I hope that you are listened to soon. Can you find a physio who specialises in women's health? A friend of mine is one, so I know they exist.
Sadly, it's not just male doctors. A woman GP told me I couldn't be anaemic, because I didn't 'look it'. At that point I couldn't play with my children or even walk upstairs without having to sit down at the top...

Original poster
doadeer · 11/08/2020 18:08

@Deliriumoftheendless

I’m still angry about my post partum treatment and it was nowhere near as bad as what you’ve experienced.

I hope you do get at least some improvement and the pain lessens.

I'm so sorry you had a nasty time, it's the feeling of powerlessness as well isn't it, what can you do to complain against your treatment? You are expected to just put up with it
OP posts:
Original poster
doadeer · 11/08/2020 18:07

He was actually trying to make me do a backbend, that I said was causing me pain and I couldn't do. He said what happens if you do it now, I said I don't want to do it now because I will be in a lot of pain and unable to look after my toddler!

OP posts:
Original poster
doadeer · 11/08/2020 18:06

I just can't believe that they would dismiss men's health like they do with women. So many women deal with this injuries, and truly awful things on a daily basis. I am lucky mine is manageable I'm not something like incontinence which would just be horrendous poor women.

It's just the attitude they have "stop making such a fuss"

OP posts:
Deliriumoftheendless · 11/08/2020 18:06

I’m still angry about my post partum treatment and it was nowhere near as bad as what you’ve experienced.

I hope you do get at least some improvement and the pain lessens.

RadandMad · 11/08/2020 18:01

Sorry to hear you're going through this. For what it's worth, I have never been patronised like I've been patronised by male members of the medical establishment. They have it down to a fine art. No wonder you're so upset. Perhaps when you feel a bit calmer, you could make a complaint. He sounds like an incompetent arse and deserves to be called out on it.

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