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Original poster

Knew it might happen... Sad it has (DD not conforming to gender norms)

61 replies

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 08/08/2020 09:25

DD turned 7 recently. She is obsessed with dinosaurs, and wants to be a Paleontologist or Explorer when she grows up.... Or a cheerleader. All in all, she's just an average 7yo girl with her own likes and dislikes.

For Christmas she got a dinosaur lunch bag, school bag and water bottle. She loves them. Was excited to take them to school.

I had the lunch bags out yesterday. She looked at it sadly and told me how some of the boys had been teasing her, saying it must be her brothers or how she must think she's a boy. She is rather strong willed (i.e. vocal and bossy, I know her bad bits!) and tells them that girls can like dinosaurs too. They were even learning about Mary Anning in lessons at the time.

We work so hard to let our children develop their own likes and dislikes... And then they get nonsense like this over a lunchbox. She's chosen a new school bag... With more dinosaurs on (the last one is too small for Yr3) .

OP posts:
hellotoday27 · 08/08/2020 10:29

My dd2 has had this regarding her choices (football mad). She's just cut her hair short too. Drives me mad when the other kids say she is like a boy. I'm just keeping the narrative of girls can be into anything and there's no such thing as girls hobbies/toys/ colours.
Dd1 is similar but always seems less concerned about other's opinions. Her favourite colour age 3 was black and still is age 15.

SweetGrapes · 08/08/2020 10:26

Are all dinosaurs 'boy dinosaurs' then? Maybe that's why they all died out! 😂

And what's with bossy being her bad bits? Don't take it out of her. It's her strength.

Frogshoe · 08/08/2020 10:01

My DS is five and his favourite colour is pink so he happily had a pink lunchbox and water bottle for nursery without any comment. Last year for a few months his favourite toy was a Barbie doll that had a camera in it, he carried it everywhere. He constantly had comments from people (adults) saying Barbie is for girls, boys don't play with dolls he would just reply each time don't be silly.

I hope your daughter continues to enjoy dinosaurs

Babdoc · 08/08/2020 09:51

Agree that 6 is a very sexist age. When DD was 6, the teacher asked the class what jobs their parents did. DD said her mum was a doctor, and one little boy scornfully said I must just be a nurse as women can’t be doctors! The teacher had a hard job convincing him, despite the boy’s own local GP being female.

GoshHashana · 08/08/2020 09:50

Dominance isn't a bad trait.

nevermorelenore · 08/08/2020 09:50

Oh that's sad. I hope she continues to enjoy dinosaurs and doesn't listen to their nonsense. My toddler DD is getting really into dinosaurs and loves her older brother's hand me down toys. I was telling a relative about it the other day and they said 'well, nowadays you can get dinosaur toys for girls I suppose'. Like I'm supposed to rush out and buy her some tacky pink dino toys or something.

JadesRollerDisco · 08/08/2020 09:41

At 6/7 years old they are learning about the "rules" of society and mortality. They first learn these in very rigid terms. Boys have a penis, boys wear blue, boys like dinosaurs. Girls don't have a penis, girls wear pink, girls like princesses. Or whatever. They learn the norms, values, rules, as dichotomies. right/wrong, Male/female, Rich/poor. Once they get black and white sorted, they move on to the all the shades in between.

Original poster
Aroundtheworldin80moves · 08/08/2020 09:41

@MiraWard77 the bad bits refers to, for example, arguing her viewpoint and flouncing off, more than her dominance... Shes learning to control her temper and put it to good use such as standing up for other people rather than shouting at her teacher believing they should have more playtime (as she did when she was five). Being assertive is definitely one of her good points.

OP posts:
QuentinWinters · 08/08/2020 09:36

Oh how stupid.
There are loads of women paleontologists. And also for definite female dinosaurs.
7 years olds do seem to get quite rigid about gender stereotypes, don't know why.

NearlyGranny · 08/08/2020 09:34

Your DD and her cohort have it so much tougher than we did... Lunch boxes were paper bags in my day, or a Tupperware container if mum had been to a party. Everyone's shoes had to be black leather laceups. Pencil cases were tartan. Perhaps it's all the visual signalling of gender that has triggered the current crisis.

I blame Disney.

Why not get your DD to tell the scoffers and mockers that girls often not only like dinosaurs, but can BE like dinosaurs, and do her TRex impression for them?

MiraWard77 · 08/08/2020 09:33

Good for her.

One of the coolest women I know is a palaeoanthropologist who travels the world like Indiana Jones, digging for bones in war zones.

" She is rather strong willed (i.e. vocal and bossy, I know her bad bits!) "

Why do you describe these as "bad bits". Yes, they're not considered 'becoming' for a girl/woman, but you have got to internalise and make sure she knows that it's society/culture/other peoples attitudes that are wrong.

Being assertive is a GOOD and useful trait that should not be squashed out of girls. Facilitate that. Encourage it. Though do help her find the line of obnoxiousness that would apply regardless of sex!