Knew it might happen... Sad it has (DD not conforming to gender norms)

I was very 👀 at a music group for my boy toddler recently.

He loves dinosaurs as his brother does. (Because I did massively) but it was very odd how so many of the girls reacted to a Dino themed session. I've noticed for a while that theres a lot more girls that boys anyway. 50/50 in the baby classes but by the 3-5s it's mostly girls.

But then how many were genuinely scared of soft toy Dinos. I did query how many had a dinosaur toy.

In all seriousness, tell the teacher that boys are displaying sexist bullying towards her and you'd like to see the policy for this, and what they're going to do to tackle it.

Tell her to tell the boys that a) the some of the first Dino bones were found by a woman and particularly dinosaur poos b) check out Dino Dana as she's cool AS.

(Mary Anning: Her discoveries included the first correctly identified ichthyosaurr* skeleton; the first two nearly complete plesiosaurr* skeletons; the first pterosaurr* skeleton located outside of Germany; and fish fossils. Her observations played a key role in the discovery that coprolitess, known as bezoarr stones at the time, were fossilised faeces. She also discovered that belemnitee* fossils contained fossilised ink sacss* like those of modern cephalopodss. When geologist Henry De la Bechee painted Duria Antiquiorr*, the first widely circulated pictorial representation of a scene from prehistoric life derived from fossil reconstructions, he based it largely on fossils Anning had found, and sold prints of it for her benefit.)

DD always wanted to ride horses and drive tractors as a small child.
Yesterday she drove to a show in the horsebox lorry, competed on one of her horses, and then spent the afternoon/evening bringing in hay from field driving the tractor.
I wouldn't rule out your DD being a builder, could be a very useful occupation.

I grew up in the 80s and 90s. Schools were highly sexist places. Both my dds find it bizarre I wasn't allowed to wear trousers and girls had go wear pe knickers in primary school.

I agree. My first job in the late 80's all women had to wear skirts. End of. Cost me a lot in tights.

It’s so sad. The gender stereotyping is way way worse these days than when I was growing up in the 70s and boys and girls were pretty much the same
No wonder dysphoria has become a problem

I grew up in the 80s and 90s. Schools were highly sexist places. Both my dds find it bizarre I wasn't allowed to wear trousers and girls had go wear pe knickers in primary school.

However I do think to a degree kids could deal with it back then . We hated wearing skirts but it was what we had to do and we got on with it. And we were able to articulate why we felt it was unfair.

We also sometimes had to put on dresses or whatever for birthdays and special events. We hated that too but grinned and beared it and changed when we got home.

Between then and now though somehow sooooo much importance has been placed on clothing and other stereotypes and the ability to question or debate them has been lost. Kids and adults have become so fragile that their whole identity apparently is dependant on things they arent allowed to wear or do. And deviation medicalised.

Incredibly worrying that children like yours op and mine too ( dd2 who constantly corrected the man of the match talk at football club and reminded the coach there were girls here. And who tells anyone who questioks her t shirt or her shoes that they arent boys shoes they are anybodys shoes) are somhow the rarities and not what used to be the norm tbh.

Wish we could know what changed.

when I was growing up adults would persist in labelling non conforming girls as Tom boys

Not to derail the thread, but nowadays the non conforming girl would be labelled by some people as trans and asked if she has not considered puberty blockers..

It’s so sad. The gender stereotyping is way way worse these days than when I was growing up in the 70s and boys and girls were pretty much the same.
No wonder dysphoria has become a problem

Your daughter sounds great. As others have said that age is an awfully sexist one. I hope that it's being countered by the teacher when it happens, adults were awful for labelling children when I was like your daughter.

But little girls quit football and boys quit ballet lessons or whatever and don't return. Early years are formative.

@Aroundtheworldin80moves good for her. Explain to her that 50% of all dinosaurs were girls. Seems to be a fact that surprises most people for some reason. So then she can use that fact to ask why dinosaurs are for boys if half are girls.

When I saw Raiders of the Lost Ark as a kid I wanted to BE Indiana Jones. He was who I aspired to be and for a brief short time, it wasn't problematic to me that I was a girl. I didn't see anything wrong with that. Still don't. I never thought I was man though - I hate that little girls are still hit with stupid stereotypes.

he gets called a girl and a baby at school, and last year got pushed to ground and kicked and punched by the other boys in his class

this breaks my heart . I want to give your lovey boy a big hug.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal‘s DS - you keep liking what you like, it’s far better to be an interesting grownup than a popular kid. Pink and sparkles are for EVERYONE, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise x

Rigidity about social rules is really common in that age group, and also misunderstanding the difference between trends and rules.

They grow out of it, you don't see many 10 year olds that think that women can't be doctors.

I think she is awesome! Well done to her!

I used to dream about trilobites
Then studied geology at university and loved it.
Dinosaurs are not for boys

Had this in both directions with my two. At just 3, DD came home from nursery and solemnly informed me that she wasn't allowed to like trains anymore, "because girls can only like princesses." Thankfully that phase didn't last long - she's extremely independent, and nowadays at the grand old age of 8 could give less than a fuck what other people think of her.

DS is 6, and finding it harder - he's a sensitive soul, and cares a lot more about being liked and fitting in than his sister, and he's paying for it. He likes pink (will tell you his favourite colour is red - but actually picks out things in a very deep pink and calls it red!), and anything sparkly and he loves to sing and dance, and have his nails painted. He gets called a girl and a baby at school, and last year got pushed to ground and kicked and punched by the other boys in his class. I've had several meetings with the school to try and resolve this - but have the distinct impression they think he's the problem.

DD has been dealing with this throughout primary school, it's tedious. When it got really bad I did mention to the teacher to ask if they could cover something about challenging sexist stereotypes and it would get better for a bit and then slide again.

By year 6 DD had very short hair, always wore trousers and was often playing football at break. The kids in her class were generally ok, but kids in other classes (often younger) would often tell her point blank that she must be a boy and refused to believe that she could be a girl.

Hoping secondary school might be better.

If your DD is interested in Mary Anning, Google Mary Anning Rocks - it's a campaign by a schoolgirl to put up a statue of Mary in Lyme Regis. DD has a t-shirt.

Look up Trowel Blazers. They even sent my daughter some stickers. Fabulous people.

Mine is 11. Been there. Wanted to be a paleontologist since she was 3. Dinosaur bags, bed linen etc.

I've mentioned this a time or ten on here before - when my DD was in year 1 they did the 'what do you want to be when you grow up'. "A builder" she says. To which the teacher retorted "girls can't be builders" and made her choose something else - as a lot of the other little girls had picked the unlikely occupation of 'ballet dancer' she grumpily said that. She was absolutely furious when she told me about this. Of course I told her the teacher was being silly and old fashioned, and we had a discussion about the sorts of things she might want to build - rockets, or planes or bridges etc. (She wasn't actually planning on being a brickie though frankly that would have been more likely than a ballerina!).

And thus is born another feminist, who knows clearly that gender norms are bad and silly. She'll soon be starting the last year of her MEng, leaving the spare room looking like an electronics lab from her summer intern work. She is a 'builder'.

I remember having a Jurassic Park lunchbox that roared (nearly 30 years ago). No one ever thought this was an issue, but I thought things were much more gendered back then.