2nd DD saying she is trans - I have also posted in LGBT children

here have some actual flowers

Nothing helpful to add but flowers] OP. Wishing you well.

strawberrrymilkshakemonkey what reasons do you see that means two children of different genders cannot share a room but two children of different sexes can? Apart from their ages, what about ‘identifying as a male’ makes it inappropriate? Clothes? Short hair?

... to dismiss it as 'autism' is offensive and hurtful...

To you?

i honestly cant believe how little respect you appear to have for your older child. He is self identifying as male, and has been for some time. to dismiss it as 'autism' is offensive and hurtful. And, given the self identification (but even two females of those ages would be dubious), your two children should NOT be sharing a bedroom. if you have a small house, give them each their own room - they need privacy and have different things going on at that age - and set up your bedroom in the living room. definitely not appropriate.

I would move your younger daughter in with you. She shouldn't share with her sibling.

I had siblings in my family diagnosed with GD. It's socially contagious, plus risk factors are often shared by sibs.

I just don't discuss it anymore. Adults can do as they please. Minors in my care get psychological support, support to be gender non-conforming if they wish, a non-homophobic family environment and a hard line re no social, hormonal or surgical transition until independent adulthood.

Best of luck. It's difficult.

I posted on your other thread to ditto the suggestion of contacting Bayswater Support Group (www.bayswatersupport.org.uk/ or @BayswaterSG on Twitter) or Our Duty (@OurDutyGrp on Twitter or www.facebook.com/ourdutygrp )

This must be so difficult, especially when she will have the influence of older sibling and friends.

Do any of her school friends or real life peers identify as trans? Is the younger also autistic?

I've got no advice I'm afraid, my DD identified as non-binary for a while till she left the college class where there was a group of 6 of them who all identified like that but obviously you can't remove your younger child from the older one.

Tbh I don’t think a 13 year old sharing with an adult sibling is ideal and especially given they are nominally different- erm- genders. Currently.
If your housing situation cannot change could you get a sofa bed to allow each person to have their own room and you sleep downstairs?
I would be discussing the differences between sex and gender with dd13 and suggesting she can be called whatever she likes but that further discussion around her sex or gender can be put on hold for now.