What would you say to your young feminist self?

And also this, from a PP

ll the stuff has to be done by someone. Whether it's bringing in money, care giving, running a house. You do it yourself or as a couple or you outsource.

When you have a child, all the stuff has to be done. It isn't invisible. You do it, he does it, or you pay someone else to do it. The former option will suck you dry, the middle option will be hard-won and may possibly ruin your relationship from the effort required to win-it, and the latter option is the easiest and the most visible to him.

I'd say that until you've had a baby, you kinda don't get it. So hold those opinions until you're a bit older and wiser.

I'd also say that men aren't the enemy. A good man is your ally.

I’d say ‘now listen - you might not believe me, and I’ve not gone mad... but there will be a day when an organisation whose sole focus is on menopause acknowledges the experiences of those ‘other ‘ than women...

Oh yes people, they did...

Examine your attitude to work. As a female, working hard does not necessarily result in greater financial reward or influence, and can often mean exploitation. Find another way.

Adopt a realistic and practical attitude to money. Money is freedom; it gives you options. Do not feel sorry for people who refuse to earn and then help them financially when you do not have enough money to protect yourself. Always have the resources and funds to be able to withdraw from a situation.

The reality of women's lives will not actually hit you until you are in your mid 30s when you realise, one day, that there are hardly any women of your age group working for your employer, that you are only one of a handful and it is because you have no children.

It will hit you just how bad the situation is when you hit 40 and realise that none of your fiercely intelligent and hardworking female friends have achieved professional success, but a number of very average old male friends have achieved success quite beyond their aptitude. You will muse for months about why this is the case until you realise it was because, as males, they could pursue avenues that are very difficult for females to follow.

This thread should be read by every young female

@MrsTerryPratchett could you recommend some good African feminists to add to my reading list?

Please recognise that your interest in sustainable development in Africa and your feminism are about the same thing. Stop idolising male thinkers and read some African feminists. It will all be clearer much sooner.

Oh and in your 40s feminism will become batshit. Ignore that and focus on women and girls.

Also, stop shagging mediocre, superficially strong men. Shag other men.

Don't sign the petition letting the violent man into the women's prison. Have a think, him wearing a dress doesn't make him female.

I wrote a paragraph but what Serenity says is too true.

Hello - this is future me. You’re never going to believe this...

Tell a man no to find out who he really is.

You do NOT have to be nice if someone is making you uncomfortable.

Your rights are not automatically trumped by someone with a penis.

And oh to have the confidence of a mediocre man.

Put women first in everything you do - your politics, your conversation, even the way you move through the world. Stop prioritising the feelings, opinions and physical space of men.

It will feel very odd at first, but the sooner you do it, the quicker you will see the massive difference it will make in your life and the lives of the women around you.

You'll get pushback for doing it, probably all your life, but you will also create ripples, as other women witness a woman modelling something powerfully counter-culture, see that it is possible, and find their courage through your example.

If you do this, you will change your life, the lives of your sisters, mothers, aunts and daughters, and maybe even the world. Don't let anyone tell you feminism is about doing anything else.

You are not paying attention to older women and mothers lived experience. You will regret this. You are not in an equal relationship where your career is respected and the domestic load is equal and just because it’s currently manageable does not mean it will stay that way or that it will be effectively renegotiated. You do actually know this but are kidding yourself on that it will be fine. Stop it.

This.

In other words: Do not go part time or otherwise compromise your career unless he fucking does too.

@Antibles Your post EXACTLY

Oh I thought I would be different. I read all he right angry books.

Now I’m 45 and doing housework like every other divorcee. Fuck.

You were right, if you come out of your liberal feminist bubble (that you put yourself in so you could meet a man and have kids), you’ll feel angry and you’ll see things that you can’t unsee.

I would be embarrassed to talk to my young non-feminist self .

I managed to get to the ripe old age of around 40 before starting to realise that feminism is not just relevant, but essential. I'm ashamed that I never saw things that are now blindingly obvious.

I have two messages for my daughter, though. 1. Never become financially dependent and 2. Make the fucking doctor listen to you.

These help to keep the women back directly and they help married men who have someone else to deal with the family so that they can focus on their own careers.

When I was just starting out I believe I had a very vague idea that things had been bad for women in the past but that everything was then sorted. I hear echoes of that in social media today, and this may be one reason why young women in feminism have redirected their activism away from women's issues to other concerns.

Because of the successes of the second wave of feminism in the West, places like universities don't openly discriminate against women so young college students tend to only see the sexual harassment and violence aspects of unequal treatment in their lives. Most of the other stuff becomes visible only after a woman enters the labor force and even more when she has children.

You are right. And lots of people will tell you you're wrong, to get off your high horse and to stop drawing attention to yourself. But you are right. You escaped your teenage abuser because you knew you were right then, keep going. Your daughter will need you to lead her.

That relationships should have boundaries. It is fine to find porn disgusting and it is not true that everyone likes it. You are not a prude because you don't like porn!

- when you are made redundant when pregnant get a solicitor who encourages you to challenge it, rather than take the cash and "go quietly"

This in spades

Memo to younger self: carry your feminism over into your private life. Do not be so desperate for a shag with emotional connection that you turn a blind eye to everything wrong with him.

- realise that being young and pretty got you some jobs (as well as being well-qualified for them)
- realise that being over-40 and invisible stopped you from getting some jobs (despite being over-qualified for them)

Oh yes indeedy! It was only a decade or so later (after I'd been made redundant from a job in academia) that I happened to look their current staff page up out of curiosity. The only female lecturers were young and pretty, the men were allowed to grow old in the job. And I suddenly realised they offered us temporary contracts while we were young and pretty (and relatively low paid therefore cheap to employ) so they could tick the equal ops box, but there was a huge "churn" rate among the junior female lecturers. We weren't allowed to get old in the job.

It was quite startling when it dawned on me.