What would you say to your young feminist self?

"What would you say to your young feminist self?"
My immediate thought when I read the title was

'Buckle up. It's going to be a bumpy ride.'

Yes, I am becoming increasingly sour .

I know you've never been good at sports because you're clumsy, but you'll be pretty good at wrestling because it doesn't matter if you fall down, you can just put the other guy down too. It's not like PE at school, the teachers actually want to help you get better and keep you coming back. Start lifting weights and take up martial arts and you'll be safer around men, and you'll also carry yourself with more confidence and be less likely to back down to them. And you'll be able to help out when you see men abusing other girls.

• refuse to date men who watch porn - difficult but doable *Keep your own surname
• Marriage is not sacred
• The Kardashians are not feminists no matter how much they tell the world they are empowered by showing their tits to the world. *There will be a thing in the future called social media...stay off it at all costs. It's mostly going to make you feel shit. *Guilt will paralyse you in the future- start working on that now.
• Look after yourself more when you get to 40
• Your kids will turn out great so keep drinking the wine..it's a habit you will never grow out of!

I’d say “you think you’re being treated equally but you’re not. Hold your guard and press forward in your beliefs when you know you’re being treated differently for being female”.

AND

“Don’t give any time to fuckboys”.

Mannnnn that last one.....

Argh. Fat fingers. *To a more senior female staff member

As a new graduate I remember saying to a more female staff member that equality in my male dominated industry was looking achievable. I was a bit baffled when she replied she'd been hearing that for years but in reality progress was miniscule. I smiled and nodded politely but didn't believe her.

I'd now tell my younger self that she was absolutely right.

I wouldn't have listened at the time but wish I'd seen how much societal pressure there is to conform and how misogynistic my own views were, despite considering myself feminist.

No, the progress we've made will not hold. All those amazing courses and meetings will fade into history - DO NOT LET DOWN YOUR GUARD YOU IDIOT - because when you are 65 you will find yourself working harder than you ever did at 25 to save women's rights .

I used to read a lot around feminist and social issues but at some point got complacent and got left behind. I would tell myself...
One day you will want kids, you will have a daughter and suddenly realise what bullshit girls are fed from an early age. You will learn that there is a boys toy section and a girls toys section and be horrified by not only that but all the ironing boards in the girls' section. In 2017 you will see that girls' clothes will be see through, skimpy and have slogans like "Sparkle and Dream About Unicorns" and the boys' say "I will change the world". You will be so horrified you will take photos. You will find yourself telling your daughter that Cinderella should have got to know the prince before she married him and the prince shouldn't have kissed Sleeping Beauty... you will meet other mums who say things like "daddy is in the doghouse for not doing the bins. Bins is a boy's job" and see all the other women nodding away and joining in... you will worry what on earth kind of world your daughter is going to grow up it....
Basically you will realise that although your immediate microcosm is ok and you have surrounded yourself, finally, with decent people, the rest of the world is still in a mess and there is such a long way to go.

Oh, and there's no harm in applying for jobs you don't fully meet the criteria for then trying to negotiate better pay and leave if you get offered them.

I'd say: "You know all the stuff you're fighting for? When you're in your late 50s, a load of people, organisations and political parties will decide you don't need any of it, believe a load of things that you won't believe they're believing and prioritise a small group of men's feelings instead."

Ironically the theme song has lyrics written by Billy Bragg.

Painfully ironic. I’d swear Billy Bragg used to be on ordinary people’s side, and I loved him. Undoubtedly he believes all the propaganda, but it’s no excuse. Even if he believes the wooo, I’d have thought an inborn sense of fairness would have put in a word for women.

I've only recently looked properly into what feminism is and what it means today..
Thankfully, all the research I've been doing has led to me leaving a difficult relationship. Although he did his fair share of housework and childcare, it was because he never wanted to work and he literally told me that at the beginning! 10 years in and I got tired of trying to change him.
I have a little girl and I'm hoping to be a great role model for her. She has a dad and a mum and I don't need another man in my life, I'll do my best to do it all!
No more being dictated to, can't wait for the day I can go out and do my own thing without waiting for the moaning haha

Love this thread! I’m pregnant with my first and reading with interest from women who are saying ‘reserve judgement until you have kids’. Have always been a feminist and partly chose my uni because Germaine Greer was on the faculty and I wanted to go to her lectures, but pregnancy has already been a massive eye-opener for this feminist!

I’d say to my younger self: don’t become a teacher! Though it’s a wonderful, massively important job that great for loads of people; let’s face it, you wouldn’t be going into it if you were a man as it doesn’t suit your personality.

Aim high and don't be embarrassed about your ambition. Ask questions about diversity in interviews. Look on a company’s website to see how many older, experienced women there have on the exec board/leadership team. Stop spending so much of your cash on things to make you look pretty!

Has anyone watched Mrs America. Yes, glued to it. I met some of the feminists at various events, and followed the ERA saga avidly. I knew of the dreaded Phyllis Schlafly, but nothing of her background. Cate Blanchett does a good job of bringing an unsympathetic character to life.

Would be interesting to see a drama set in UK around that time.
That would be fascinating - and would undoubtedly trigger some heated disagreements! Or have we all mellowed over the decades? Bigger threats, and losses, to unite us now.

I would tell myself to not spend a single penny on all those crap diet and 'beauty' products and save for a house instead. Having your own place to live, in your own name is more important than looking pretty for boys.

I read a lot of the books, Greer etc, took classes and argued a lot but still had a deep desire to be pretty. I would give myself a good talking to about cognitive dissonance.

Dear Young Feminist Self
Take some time out in 2019 for yourself, travelling around the world, visiting old friends and places you've always wanted to see. (DH and the older teens will be fine).

Have a massive Christmas celebrating with all your friends and family, (especially those living in the North of England!).

In Jan 2020 move all your investments (which have done SO well in the previous decade) into bonds and cash.

I love this thread. Thank you everyone for sharing your wisdom.

I doubt I'd have believed it and wouldn't have properly understood it but what Nixon said about enemies and hate was absolutely right. If I could have digested that fully, it would have saved me a great deal of pain as a student and early in my career.

Your head mistress was right to rename all the school houses in your all girls school after women

Don’t under estimate how much men are only interested in anything you have to say if they want to have sex with you

The fact you can’t have children will be used to try & divide you from other women. Don’t let that happen

You were right, Society is designed with men as the default

Trying again - don't know what I said in the previous post that broke the rules.

I would say Expect the unexpected. Never think we've made so much progress that the next generations won't even question women's rights.

And please stop convincing yourself that left-wing men are natural feminists, if they would just realise it! Their support will be hard-won, when you occasionally win it, and they will drop you like yesterday's toys when they see something shinier.