Michaela Coel called out over comments on 'responsibility' and sexual assault

Yes, and I said she had the right to make her comments. There are wider issues here on both sides. Some of the comments on this thread are skirting the idea that the victim is partially responsible. Not yours.

No, Eresh, but many of the comments on thread have acknowledged the legitimacy of the personal response and repeatedly underlined that it's fine as long as it isn't presented as a way all survivors should respond.

I'm just saying I don't think that was what Coel was doing, and I guess I'm not just talking about this thread but anyone out there who thrives on cancel culture witchfinding who feels they need to 'call out' Coel for talking about her perspective.

I've never suggested there is one acceptable way to process rape trauma, and I think it's crystal clear from her TV series that she isn't saying that either.

I'm not saying that you or she did.

I agree with her. I think what she has done brilliantly with IMDY is to find the grey spaces of accountability and sympathy in the reality of rape and sexual assault. At the moment we very often have the two competing narratives of blaming the victim - "she shouldn't have been drunk/dressed like that/she should have left him the first time" - Vs the contrasting but equally simplistic response: "it's 100% the rapist's responsibility, nothing the victim could have done would have avoided it". And while the rapist is 100% responsible for having perpetuated it, rape is as often a crime of opportunity as any other, and to visualise ourselves as helpless objects being carried through life and acted on by whatever perps and protectors happen to be around is no help to anyone. Gavin deBecker, who has a lot of sense and help to speak despite the problems with his views on domestic violence, has a line about how the best way to not be a victim of violent crime is not to be there when it happens.

She is talking about finding her power, the power you have to find to heal and assimilate and make sense of something like this. And it no doubt has resonance for her as well as a Black woman who has had to fight tooth and nail for recognition and creative control. She could have railed (legitimately) about racism and simply dropped out, but she had to find her power and acknowledge what she could do to get the platform to tell her story. If we go back to the domestic violence victim, the worst thing anyone can do for her is to try and push her to leave, because you simply push her deeper into the role of someone who is controlled by others. To leave, a woman has to find her power and autonomy, has to acknowledge that she has choices and has made choices.

As PP said, she is also adding complexity and reality to "unlikeable" or no stereotypical rape victims, who do not exist solely in the role of victim and may be the perpetrators of harm on others in ways too, like Kwame who is both the victim of a rape and the exploiter, to some degree, of a woman as part of his trauma.

Well, I really feel I must defend Michaela Coel here. She very clearly says 'for me personally' so she is talking about the exact same psychological help that I am, that 'just world' fallacy.

I've never suggested there is one acceptable way to process rape trauma, and I think it's crystal clear from her TV series that she isn't saying that either.

I see it as if we are entirely powerless, this could happen any and every time we leave the house. Or at home. All the time. We are never ever safe. And while I haven’t experienced rape I have experienced a very scary sexual assault, and understand as FloralBunting put it, the dark terror that you are always utterly vulnerable. If I can tell myself that there was something I could do, pinpoint where it went wrong, other than he is a rapist I can give myself the power to be confident enough to go out again and live life without the debilitating knowledge that it could happen again at any time and there’s nothing I can do about it

Exactly. That's what I meant about needing to believe in a "just world". It is trying to convince yourself that it happens in particular circumstances and if you avoid them you will be ok. And if you had avoided them you would not have been raped. As I said, I have spoken to other rape survivors about this (as a rape survivor myself) and it really does help some women process it. And that's fine. What isn't fine is to suggest that other women could have done the same, and because they didn't, they were responsible.

youarenotsosmart.com/2010/06/07/the-just-world-fallacy/

I think you're right. I think this is actually a psychological defence mechanism from someone who's been a victim. It's similar to when Chrissie Hynde seemed to blame herself for being gang raped. Obviously it's complete nonsense - the only person responsible for a rape is the rapist. But perhaps it makes the victim feel better, in some way, to believe otherwise.

I think it is more than a psychological defence mechanism.

I was raped as a teen when I accepted a lift home from an acquaintance who offered to keep me safe as I was fairly trashed and vulnerable.

Drove me to some waste land, threatened me and raped me.

Then he dropped me off home.

Of course it wasn't my fault, it was his fault, but it did teach me a lesson about men who are wolves in sheep's clothing and about accepting lifts from acquaintances when worse for wear.

I subsequently always made sure I had a lift, taxi or some other form of safe transport in place if I needed to get home in the early hours.

Is it victim blaming that I have advised younger women to be careful about being vulnerable to sexual assault if stranded without transport?

I think it’s poorly worded, but it’s true that power comes from not feeling so helpless. You can make yourself a hard target instead of a more vulnerable soft target. This empowers you to go back out into the world.

It’s not taking responsibility, that stays with the rapist(s) 100%, it’s more about feeling the fear and then taking steps that can make you less vulnerable which then reduces your fear to a level you can live with and still function normally.

It's a great series. I'm nearly at the end (3 eps to go?) and there's so much in there to think about.

There's several different kinds of rape and assault - the main character is not only the victim of drink spiking and a subsequent assault she doesn't remember, but she dates someone she thinks is a good guy (nice, successful, intelligent, well respected) who takes the condom off during sex without her consent. She publicly shames him for rape. Her best female friend, while drunk in Italy, is involved in a threesome that she thinks is spontaneous but has actually been set up by the men involved who deliberately targeted her because she was vulnerable. Her best male friend, who's gay, undergoes rough non-consensual sex on a grindr hook up. Traumatised by this he then hooks up with a woman on tinder (I think) in the hope that sex with a woman won't be so triggering for him. She discovers he's gay after they have sex and realises he's used her for something she didn't consent to.

The writing and acting are both brilliant. There's a really interesting absence of the usual victim narrative and perspective - the way the friends joke with each other in the police station while they're waiting to report the main character's rape, and then when they go back for the DNA report results, unsettles the police victim support people, and the viewer because it's unexpected and seems inappropriate. It shows the complexity of rape, but also drives home the shocking reality of how commonplace it is.

At the start of one episode Arabella reads an essay about rape, racism and feminism to her agents, and I had tears sliding down my cheeks within 5 minutes of the episode starting. (It's here if anyone wants to watch. 2 minutes in. Only a minute long. www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m000kk4c/i-may-destroy-you-series-1-7-happy-animals )

IMDY in my opinion is brilliant and it gave me so many things to think about on this topic of consent, and responsibility, and how different people interpret and experience things differently.
MC is talking here about her own experience and views as a survivor of serious sexual assault, and we need to talk about it.
I'd really recommend watching IMDY but it does have very graphic scenes so could well be uncomfortable to say the least.

happen*

I really dislike the conversation surrounding victimhood.

Women already feel terribly at fault when anything bad sexual happens to them - society makes sure about that. They already KNOW that every time they go out of their front door they're taking a risk. Most women already look behind them a lot when it starts getting dark. They already avoid dark long streets. They guard their drinks and taken them with them to the toilet. They look out for their friends. Sometimes they avoid giving intimate details away too soon when they date someone, They let others know where they are wnd what their plans for the evening. They tell their dauhters to be careful. They already find umpteen ways to blame themselves given the opportunity, so they don't need to other people contributing to that.

We already love to focus in on the sexual assault victim as a society. Simply because rape is such a terrible thing that we collectively don't want it to haooen, or we want to find a reason why it couldn't *possible' happen to us. So we start picking apart the victim's story looking for holes, looking for blame, looking for reasons why......when really that intense focus should be on the perpetrator.

It's what the brain does. So sometimes helpful, sometimes damaging.

It’s pretty disgusting to judge someone who’s a sexual assault survivor for making an entirely personal statement saying “this is what made me personally feel less powerless.”

I understand the need to feel a sense of agency after rape. Because that bald phrase 'Nothing you did would have made any difference, the rapist is solely responsible' is absolutely true, but, fucking hell, it is so bloody frightening to live with. You do run through events and ask yourself what you could possibly have done differently, and yes, obviously the answer is nothing, but this response is not about responsibility for being attacked, it's about pushing back against the dark terror that you are always utterly vulnerable.

I think you're right. I think this is actually a psychological defence mechanism from someone who's been a victim. It's similar to when Chrissie Hynde seemed to blame herself for being gang raped. Obviously it's complete nonsense - the only person responsible for a rape is the rapist. But perhaps it makes the victim feel better, in some way, to believe otherwise.

I see it as if we are entirely powerless, this could happen any and every time we leave the house. Or at home. All the time. We are never ever safe. And while I haven’t experienced rape I have experienced a very scary sexual assault, and understand as FloralBunting put it, the dark terror that you are always utterly vulnerable. If I can tell myself that there was something I could do, pinpoint where it went wrong, other than he is a rapist I can give myself the power to be confident enough to go out again and live life without the debilitating knowledge that it could happen again at any time and there’s nothing I can do about it

That’s how I see it.

MC is a survivor of sexual assault, and this drama was an exploration of the meaning of consent. I have seen 10 out of 12 episodes and it is an incredible feminist piece. Sounds like the interviewer has twisted some of what she's said to get outrage reads. Just go watch the episodes rather than falling for the ploy.

MC's not saying that Bella (the main character), is responsible for getting spiked or assaulted but that Bella makes herself vulnerable before she was attacked. (She regularly gets sloppy drunk on alcohol and class A drugs)

That's a nuance that all women are familiar with, surely? We're not responsible for when someone attacks us but there are things we can do to reduce the risk. We are not 100% powerless but it's entirely the attacker's fault if we are overpowered.

Hang on a minute no one should be spiking anyones drinks.
Putting some rohypnol into a woman's or man's drink in order to rape them is completely out of order.
No one should have to watch their drink at all.
30 years ago when I started going to pubs & clubs you could leave your drink on the bar or on a table unattended & the worst thing that would happen was either someone else helping themselves to your drink or the bar staff pouring it away.
Spiking drinks is the fault of the rapist not the victim.

IMDY is interesting. I haven't watched all of it because it was a bit too distressing, but I do think there have been a number of dramas in recent years that have explored the reality of the 'unlikeable' victim of rape and sexual assault.

I understand the need to feel a sense of agency after rape. Because that bald phrase 'Nothing you did would have made any difference, the rapist is solely responsible' is absolutely true, but, fucking hell, it is so bloody frightening to live with. You do run through events and ask yourself what you could possibly have done differently, and yes, obviously the answer is nothing, but this response is not about responsibility for being attacked, it's about pushing back against the dark terror that you are always utterly vulnerable.

I'm not sure if I've explained that well enough.

I don't think accepting some responsibility makes you less powerless or makes the perpetrator any less guilty.
When watching this drama I did feel that the character's drug taking was making her extremely vulnerable but that does not mean that a predator has any right to come along and attack her.
These days it is common to be shot down in flames for picking up on this aspect though.
I don't think it is wrong for a woman to think about what they can do to be less vulnerable. Such as not drinking to the point of being inebriated.
Couldn't it be compared to looking both ways before crossing a road or putting your seat belt on? Taking sensible safety precautions which we all do in daily life.
Again to be clear I am not excusing the vile behaviour of predators by saying this.

Agreed. Everyone is entitled to their coping mechanisms, and hey, if it works for you then go with that. It's when it's projected onto others that it becomes an issue.

I agree, kittens, but it sounds like she thinks that feeling that you had no power is worse. If she's speaking from experience, which it kind of comes across like she is, she may have used that as a coping mechanism.

However she shouldn't put that on other women, because it's pretty fucked up. Because if you believe you got raped because you let your guard down when you shouldn't, you still are powerless, because it still happened, but you get to blame yourself for it too. You can't take back the power, because it's too late. It's a weird version of the "just world fallacy" I think and one many women who haven't been raped tell themselves will keep them safe. Not ideal, and not the way many women find helpful when dealing with it.

So wait. This person's argument is that it should be expected that women watch anything we might consume at all times just in case someone decides to slip a drug into it? And not doing so would be irresponsible? The person who drugs the women's drink is not perhaps the one who is failing to take proper responsibility for their actions?

Certainly if it helps make any given woman feel better to be hyper vigilant it's her right to do so, but suggesting that that should be the norm is just not reasonable.

I didn’t mean that as you calling MC out, just whoever originally did, OP.