A personal plight

Does this thread help

12 yr old DD. Gender Dysphoria, sudden announcement www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3953878-12-yr-old-DD-Gender-Dysphoria-sudden-announcement

while it does sound concerning I also think that 'nonbinary' is quite a soft option....you get to be different but without burning any bridges...I would just do as others have suggested and keep making sure she is exposed to as many strong unconventional female role models as possible, including lesbians and ideally these would be in real life as well as in books etc. The gaming thing....I assume there are some feminist gamers/games...but am too ancient to know anything about that!
does she have friends who are doing similar? the role of social contagion is widely observed. It might help if you think of it as a teen style like goth or whatever. As long as she is not proposing to harm her body or make any other difficult to reverse change, I think tolerance and gentle questioning should be your most obvious response (with the heavy dose of GC role models just happening to be on your shelves/screens/at your table )

There have been some really good comments/threads recently from people with experience of this (either personally themselves and feeling this way or with young people they love and care about) with discussion and advice. I’ll try to have a look through and find some for you.

She doesn't need fixing, she does need to realise that whilst there are a lot of bigots in this world who like to force people to behave in a certain way, there are also a lot of people who don't fit gender boxes.

My daughter is not old enough for any of this, but in this situation I would be watching and waiting. Trying to show her role models who are female and gender non conforming, but not part of the 'they' crew. It's difficult when they're in to gaming because it's so cult like online. Does she have any hobbies outside of gaming?

That’s what I was trying to get at, really. I can imagine being a 12 year old girl who has had it pressed upon her for years that boys like pirates, football, cars (I realise these might not be her specific interests but as a generalisation) and now she is probably in the thick of puberty with feelings she doesn’t understand fully and she’s surrounded by a not-subtle transgender push.

Does she know your feelings towards it?

Of course it doesn’t! Where did I suggest it did? (I mean that as a genuine question by the way as I didn’t mean to imply that and am mortified I did!)

Blunt question here (sorry) - Do you think she’s gay?

I would try to bombard her as much as possible with strong lesbian role models who are fiercely female. Try to break those norms. Show her she can be a butch, mannish lesbian woman and still an awesome woman.

Does she have any particular interest that you can look for examples of women not conforming to gender norms?

I would be thinking of discussing social media then assuming that's where she has picked up on the stereotypes and so on. Not in a kind of lecturing way, but just looking at the type of people she's engaged with and a discussion that social media is not a real representation of actual life.

Im really not sure that leaving the country is necessary here. I'm sure there will be many knowledgeable people coming on here shortly to advise.
Im very GC and secretly this would bug the hell out of me. But I would keep it to myself, and be very gentle and loving. Adolescence is and always has been a time of great turmoil and finding of one's identity and likes and dislikes. So actually your DD is really very normal in this respect, but using terminology of today. It may well be a short phase or something more.
I would take the gentle questioning angle and just get to know why she's feeling she needs to do this.