I am so, so tired

This is all such madness. I have kept hoping that these psychos are just weirdos on twitter that never go out, so it's really depressing to find that people do in fact want to dictate other people's preferences and feelings. It's such utter bullshit it makes me want to go live in some backwater where people just deem what you think and who you have sex with to be your personal choice.

Gosh sorry OP. It is exhausting. I'd find it hard to be in a relationship with anybody who identified themselves as queer tbh, anybody at all. It just flags, to me, someone who doesn't have a backbone and wants to be with the cool group at school. They usually weren't queer when being queer wasn't cool...

But we do exist, those of us who think lesbians never, ever have penises. Ever.

And I agree that the safest way to exist as a lesbian (and maybe other sexualities later) is to identify as pan and then simply not fancy that one particular trans woman. Cos you can't be pan and a terf it would seem. But that's just squirt life lie option. Which is ridiculous.

I've already made clear to my therapist that I couldn't give a whiny shite how people present themselves, but women are not men, and vice versa. No idea if she's in agreement, but she doesn't have to agree or disagree..unless she's looking to do a spot of conversion therapy.

Sorry you're tired. Take some time. You won't stop being right about this if you take a break for a bit. We'll all be here and you can take over when some of us need a break.

I can't quite get over the cognitive dissonance of the importance of consent, yet calling someone a bigot for exercising that consent, i.e by refusing.
Sexual preferences are highly discriminatory, I know I will only consider a fairly narrow tranche of men as potential partners. That tranche is most certainly age discriminatory, specific in terms of religion (has to be a similar outlook to my own) and I would select further on education/income/if they had children or not. Appearance/attraction would be the make or break.
I'm not expected to just accept someone because they have decided that they want me. Can't see how that doesn't apply to everyone.

I'm so sorry. I know it's hard, I'm not a lesbian but I see it all the time. You know you're in the right, we know you're in the right, anyone with half a brain knows all this stuff is nonsense.

I would also be wondering about your therapist... I'd be looking for another one sharpish.

So sorry for multiple posts!

I have wondered a few things in relation to this today.

A) would a trans 'lesbian' be called discriminatory for not wanting to sleep with another trans 'lesbian' with a penis? As from what I can gather they more often seem to be seeking and focusing on the prospects of relationships with biological females with vaginas.

B) where are the gay men being harassed for not wanting to be in a relationship with FTM trans with vaginas? Why is it overwhelmingly just the MTF 'lesbians' who are so adamant that women must accept penises?

C) is all sexuality discriminatory? I'm straight but if I don't want to sleep with a manly-looking lesbian or FTM trans then am I discriminating? Because it's not about genitals? Therefore the only way to not be labelled as a TERF is to be "pan"

I really feel for you OP and even as a straight woman can see from my recent research that lesbians are really suffering at the moment in all this.

I have wondered a few things in relation to this today.

A) would a trans 'lesbian' be called discriminatory for not wanting to sleep with another trans 'lesbian' with a penis? As from what I can gather they more often seem to be seeking and focusing on the prospects of relationships with biological females with vaginas.

B) where are the gay men being harassed for not wanting to be in a relationship with FTM trans with vaginas? Why is it overwhelmingly just the MTF 'lesbians' who are so adamant that women must accept penises?

C) is all sexuality discriminatory? I'm straight but if I don't want to sleep with a manly-looking lesbian or FTM trans then am I discriminating? Because it's not about genitals? Therefore the only way to not be labelled as a TERF is to be "pan"

I really feel for you OP and even as a straight woman can see from my recent research that lesbians are really suffering at the moment in all this.

Many many of us lesbians agree with you OP. But as so many of what used to be safe spaces for women have been colonised and taken over by these new fangled male lesbians with penises and an overwhelming desire to silence biological women, it's hard to speak out, let alone to be heard.
The women's /lesbian groups that centre women that I know of have all gone underground. I'm not sure what you can do about a partner who believes that men can become lesbians - it would be a deal breaker for me but then I'm older and far fewer older lesbians are in thrall to men.
And yes to quitting your therapist - telling you that you should be sleeping with a penis is conversion therapy. Vile.

What?!?! I can’t believe I’m reading this. People, including your therapist, are shocked at you for not want to have a sexual experience with someone with a penis? This is insane. And not okay. I’d be quitting my therapist and telling that therapist exactly why. No one should ever shame you over your sexual preferences. I’m utterly shocked at this. It is no one else business what you do in the bedroom (unless someone is getting hurt).

It’s no ones business but yours and no one should ever make you feel ashamed.

Is your girlfriend bisexual and lacking in empathy? Or just a raging hypocrite?

I'm always staggered by how many raging hypocrites there are when it comes to this issue, but it helps me to remember that raging hypocrisy is the human condition. We all tailor our conscious belief system in the interests of social acceptability, to make ourselves look good in our own eyes and therefore in the eyes of other people. Some of us are awkward-squad members, and have more difficulty than most in disregarding the evidence of our own senses in order to fit in better. But still, everyone does it, that's what our consciousness is for.

Sorry you're dealing with this shit, OP. Remember being able to see through hypocrisy can be a superpower of sorts, if you use it to surround yourself with good people and fellow awkward-squad members. Hope things get better.

I really do think that lesbians get the shittiest end of the stick in this whole shit show. For so many reasons.
Does your girlfriend not believe in same sex attraction then?
I don't know what to say really.
I know several old school gays who hate this adoption of 'queer' which has always been a slur until straight people adopted it to sound cool.
Ugh. It's fecked up.
Sorry OP. I think there are pockets of GC lesbians about the place and I hope you find them.

That's so shit.
I've just been told that I need to educate myself because trans ideology isn't trying to erase homosexuality and that I'm a transphobe. Also that if I'm not LGBTQ I should just keep out of it.

Find another therapist.

Sorry about your girlfriend, it sounds like this is going to be a splinter in your relationship that becomes too painful to live with.

Easier said than done but maybe time to find a new scene and new friends?

That must be a lonely place.
Your therapist is out of order.
I'm straight but have talked to some of my lesbian friends. One agrees broadly with the GC position, another (younger) is all 'be kind'. I would bet neither of them would countenance a relationship with a transwoman. They're both in steady long term relationships so it's not realistically an issue they are going to face for real anytime soon.

Tell your therapist that telling a lesbian they should accept penis is conversion therapy.

I'm sorry but I'd also be questioning my relationship too in your situation.

I agree regarding your therapist. I would also go as far as to find out who their accreditation is with and make a complaint. So much for unconditional positive regard!

Many of my gay and lesbian friends are also embracing queerness over same sex attraction... It's so puzzling to me because I know for a fact that none of them would ever sleep with someone with a penis and in a different life a long time ago would have scoffed at the very idea of a lesbian with a penis. We have had one discussion that didn't go well and since then a silent agreement to love each other and never mention it again. It's hard.

No advice just endless sympathy I can only imagine how shit it must be to be a lesbian now especially if your girlfriend isn't GC

^This

You need a new therapist. Seriously. (Not Alex Drummond, obvs) It is totally out of order for anything in a therapeutic role to pull that shit on you. I'm straight, but if my therapist called me out for not wanting to sleep with men with a vagina I'd be outer there, but not before I'd given her a piece of my mind. After all, it's not as if therapists can dox you.

Well we should all be nice. But only if everyone follows that mantra too. As long as TRAs are so violent it's just can't happen. I'm sorry you're feeling so beaten down. It sucks.