I spoke up! I actually did it!!!

By the way, for those of you nervous of speaking up for the first time, I've found a really effective way of talking to people is to ask THEM questions!
To start with I used to panic that I wouldn't remember 'all the answers' to justify my position, then I realised I DIDN'T NEED TO!

If you stay calm and show interest, you can quickly get people thinking:
e.g.
Friend: I believe TWAW
Me: That's interesting, why do you believe that?
Friend: Well, if they want to live as a woman they should be able to
Me: Oh, I see. How does someone 'live as a woman'?
Friend: You know, wearing dresses and make up and stuff
Me: Oh. I don't wear dresses or make-up. Does that mean I'm NOT a woman?
Friend: Of course you are, that's not what I'm saying.
Me: So what is it that makes me a woman then?
Friend: Well, you know...
Me: Er, no. Not really.
etc etc

At some point they will say something which relates to biological sex.
(Unless of course they've really drunk the KoolAid and start talking about 'womanly essences' )

Tell us more, who did you speak up to? I've never heard the term Terf used to someone's face, what was the justification for being called that? What was the context of your discussion? Interested

good job! Together we stand ...

Well done you brilliant and brave woman.

It gets easier.

Good for you OPI think when people like you speak up it carries a lot more weight than you realise. Like you I thought the major feminist battles were won and am horrified at what has been happening while we weren’t looking.

I post on FB. Links to articles. Follow fairplay for women and now JK Rowling etc.

All I get is radio silence.
However. I've had people then me IRL they feel the same.

I raised the subject with two men without declaring my views essentially saying “ do you think trans women are women” - the first one said essentially he had come around to view that they were but “ wouldn’t sleep with one” the other said he thought they were “ but it’s between women and trans women to sort out” so that was insightful. They’re both white, middle class professional men who are extremely conscious of their position. Once I started talking about sport they then changed their tune and felt it was unfair for trans women and women to compete against each other. They’re just afraid to be seen to say the wrong thing - as am I to be fair.

Well done OP! Was this online or in real life?

I spoke up when we had some friends round for a BBQ last week and was met with the raised eyebrows and TWAW from the husband. I don't think I handled it that well - I got a bit ranty because I feel so strongly about it. He backed off a bit and said "well you clearly know more about this than I do" and changed thesubject.
However his wife (my friend) later contacted me to say she'd heard Baroness Nicholson on the radio and now understood some of what I'd been saying better.

I've also just had a chat with my son (20) as there was something in the news about women in the gaming community (which he feels part of). He is very against the abuse and bullying female gamers have suffered, so we talked a bit about that, and then I linked it to the JKRowling debate and said that I believe women are getting a rough deal in all sorts of areas. The gaming thing was a good way to get into the discussion I feel.

Well done OP. I really admire you and others who have been brave enough to put their heads above the parapet.

I am so scared of doing it on FB, as part of my work involves winning contracts from public sector bodies. And it would be easy to link my personal profile to my professional ones. Also my partner is younger and has one of two very woke friends so I don't want to cause disruption on social outings. Pathetic of me really.

I'm also a bit worried as I've a real-life/FB friend has a trans child. I'm convinced that she has nuanced views about the whole debate as she is highly intelligent and works professionally in a controversial field. And I've never seen her join in the Trans debate on one side or the other.

Thank goodness there's still MN what we can post and discuss freely and anonymously.

I’ve been blocked and unfriended by a long time friend because I said I didn’t believe trans women are women. They are still trans women

This was after sharing my support for JK Rowling

Oh well. I Got over it

Thank you. That was a very brave step. It's heartening to hear of and see women standing up for all of us. And I was a Spare Rib reader! I miss it actually.

Well done OP.
I did too a few weeks ago on twitter and also with a couple of friends IRL. I didn't write anything too controversial, just that I stood with JK and how surprised I was at the backlash she was getting. One very old friend told me to "fuck off" and then blocked me. I was a bit shook up at first but I'm over it now. IRL it went better and it was a relief to speak to others who are uneasy about what is happening for various reasons.

Well done OP!

Well done op

Well done!

I'm out of FB, some people agreed with me, others were angry, some had a reasoned debate.

I feel much better about myself and now post freely GC stuff. If TRAs can post endless anti JKR memes without fear why shouldn't I be able to post something pro women?

Well done

Well done WineandHobnobs.

sashh: A 'chufty badge' should definitely be a thing.

If people come back with variants of it's worse for transwomen I usually argue that's why we need separate mechanisms for women and transwomen. Ones that focus specifically on the problems that they uniquely face

If they are at all receptive I talk about the difference in sex based and gender based discrimination

No one will ever refuse to employ a transwomen because they could get pregnant
Medicine is safer for men and transwomen than women because of the way drugs are trialled
PPE , car seats etc is safer for men and transwomen than women because of the use of the male default during design
FGM affects only people with female bodies

That's all sex based

Gender based
For women...being talked over , because the gender assumption with women is that we are dumb
For transwomen...bullying and violence on account of dress and social presentation

In short
Women experience sex and gender based discrimination
Transwomen get gender based only

The nature of the gender discrimination is different

Therefore different solutions are needed, and we need to remember that sex discrimituon still exists

Brilliant!

Well done!

What Tra’s never mention is that the greatest violence against trans women is domestic abuse, much higher than against straight and lesbian women. It’s safer for a trans woman to go into a men’s toilet than to go home.

Well done you - I’m still too scared atm, having dipped my toe in the water with some close friends and got enormous push back - unfortunately one of them is an education professional who is helping to trans a child against the parents wishes so there will be an understandable level of commitment there - she is such a lovely person but has not questioned the ideology sadly.

Thank you x

Thank you! Well done

Well done! I so wish I had kept my old Spare Ribs!