Dystopian nightmare?

@PhilomenaRumple, I feel for you. It took me 9 months to get DP onside and I've lost several friends over this. My son thinks I'm a monster.

The trouble is - unless you really delve into it - trans rights looks nice and supportive and kind. Why wouldn't you support "the most oppressed" in society where they are at risk of "literal violence"?

But then you look.

And then you see it's not about supporting gender non-conforming people. It's not about helping people feel comfortable in their skin.

It's about allowing late-transisioning males to co-opt and claim access to female-only spaces. It's making strangers complicit in validating a self-perception. It's about telling young women (often lesbian, often autistic, often abused) that the way out of objectification and sexual predation is to adopt a male identity. It's about pedling a narrative that you can be born in the wrong body.

Do take time out. I make sure I resurface from the rabbit hole for weeks at a time because I can find it all consuming.

Yes, for fuck's sake pace yourself! And be careful.

I'm openly GC under my own name more or less everywhere now except on here, but I didn't do that until I had a decent feminist network to back me up and felt confident enough in my arguments. Admittedly my name is very common & almost impossible to find when searching, which I see as a positive.

I've been in this fight for about 5 years now, and we have come a HELL of a long way - honestly!

OK, there's still a lot to do, but if it had gone the way the TRAs wanted the GRA reforms and gender indoctrination would have carried on quietly with nobody noticing.

But they haven't. As Datun would say, we've given them the one thing they really, really didn't want. Sunlight.

It's a David & Goliath situation - on one side, us. A bunch of grassroots feminist groups, crowdfunding and volunteering their spare time to defend women & girls. On the other side, Stonewall, Mermaids et al, an influential, heavily funded, misogynist & homophobic juggernaut that's done an excellent job of convincing people that if they have doubts about them they must be bigots.

We have a lot of work to do still but I think we also have a lot to be proud of.

I remember that feeling OP. It's strange how it knocks you off your axis once you've seen it. What has helped me is writing letters to my MP (& any other unfortunately company that ate the woke cookie jar). I wasn't very confident at first but did it anyway and now I feel that my communications are much more succinct. With regards to my friends, I've been careful who I have spoken to but all have got it, and my family (except my SIL but she's not naturally a critical thinker) are all on board too my Dad actually thought I was taking the piss when I explained it Most importantly I'm making sure my DD understands it, and so far, so good.

Do take time out. I make sure I resurface from the rabbit hole for weeks at a time because I can find it all consuming.

I’m not a vocal poster on these boards but I am an avid reader. I felt like you when my eyes We’re opened, including being very angry. But be prepared for a long fight on this and pick your battles carefully (especially if you have a woke employer). Be unfailingly polite, pick good examples and choose who you speak to carefully. Many small acts add up to a lot of change - even if not everyone sees the light instantly.

I've been feeling a bit low today re. all this shit. I find some days are better and I saw that Pinknews wrote an article that GC feminism is failing.
That kind of propaganda is only necessary when they're scared 🤷‍♀️

Yes, it's not easy. It was far easier to sail along believing feminism had won, women were liberated, and the rainbow sparkles were all about love and letting people live their best lives.

The process of discovering what was really going on was highly upsetting and discouraging.

I won't like, it's been a glum, and pretty lonely couple of years. I find myself less trusting of people, so very disappointed by how easily people are/have been duped. And above all, so horrified and depressed by the realities of women's lives. When you actually look at the stats, it can be very difficult to process. So I agree with other posters - practise 'self care', do what you can in reasonably small steps, take breaks when you can. Be aware of when your own experiences make things harder, protect yourself against that.

I try to balance doing the difficult, combative stuff (letter writing, consultations, engaging with people who disagree) with things like helping other women - offering support, spreading news, donating, etc. I can only do very tiny things, but bit by bit and combined, we have already achieved a lot. There are thousands of women waking up to this, now. Our numbers only grow.

I also like to zoom out and look at a historical overview. Think of how much has been achieved in the past hundred years, know that all of those gains were hard won by hundreds of tiny acts of bravery (sometimes by acts of huge bravery, of course). This shit has been going on for a very long time. It's our work to continue.

OP I had a similar situation. In my case I had a very real dream about me being under attack, from men with machine guns, me hiding out behind a rock. It was terrifyingly real.
Them I woke up, remembered what I'd been reading on Mumsnet - peak transing reading the trans widows thread actually.
Reading about those poor women just changed my reality utterly.

I remember vaguely hearing about Germaine Greer, and thinking but she's a feminist, so maybe there is something in what she's saying. Nah I should be 'nice' and progressive and welcoming. Same with Jenny Murray from woman's hour. I've listened to her for years on women's hour. I KNOW she knows so much about women's lives and situations. So home come she's saying crazy stuff too?

Then I read on Mumsnet what it's actually about. Utterly horrifying.
I've been giving my husband monthly or so updates on what I'm learning. He went from wary to peak trans to this is just ridiculous.

Now, I went to the women's lib conference in London, I sign petitions, I will be writing to my mp, and I'm sharing GC stuff on Facebook.
Do need to take it slowly with friends and family. They literally cant/won't comprehend what really is happening.

PhilomenaRumpole - You know, I was kinda that lone woman the other night. I was really abused and insulted by a group of people I thought were friends. But you know what? My recently aware pal rode in and came to my aid, along with my husband, and we owned them. I was trained by mumsnet, they had nothing but threats, and a lot of people watched....

Who knows what they said after they all blocked me? But I would never have done that two weeks ago and neither would my mate (my husband would die for me so he was always on side, swoon)

It can be incredibly frustrating to see supposidly inteligent people believe this loonacy.

It can be incredibly crushing to see supposidly brave people keep their heads down.

It can be incredibly painful to see supposidly principled people gleefuly throwing women to the wolvs yet again.

But, it can be incredibly liberating seeing one woman stand up, despite the chorus of hate, standing out and standing up for women, unashamed.

I’ve lost two close friends today because I’ve seen it for what it is and didn’t keep quiet

OP, I was going to say be very careful, as it's easy to forget that one's right to free speech doesn't apply to women voicing concerns about women's rights, especially when it comes to this issue (because women's rights are diametrically opposed to men's desires in this context).

It's especially difficult to appreciate the risks of speaking out on this in the early days of realisation, when you still has faith that people will react fairly and logically to your views. It's so frustrating once you've seen it because it becomes blindingly obvious that some people are utterly misguided in their views on gender and sex, yet they treat their opinions as facts and treat you like a Holocaust-denier!

I'm not saying don't speak out, of course, just that I find it's necessary to do a mini risk assessment every time I question the current narrative because, as you've recently become aware, wrongthink has ruined careers and lives.

Then I saw this:

I just had to get in there and back her up

and I absolutely would have stood up for another women getting attacked for speaking up too.

Still, look after yourself!

JKR made, in her own words "the choice between what is right and what is easy". We can do this too. I join my voice with her and you.

Hey OP, the first few weeks are rough. It's painful and sad and scary and things you now see you can't unsee. It gets easier but it's hard to focus your anger and use it, at least it was for me, it took me a while but I now take that energy and apply it in useful ways.

My advice would be not to force it though. Processing all this new information and losing friends at the same time is really hard work. I didn't do that and I suffered mentally as a result. It took me a while and I still get moment of pure rage. I think we all do but you get used to it.

Don't spend too much time on here but if you need us we will be here.

Once you are past the worst of it and need ideas of what to do next, we will be here.

Chin up x

AGP men are so incredibly manipulative, your friend is no doubt being put in a horrible position. Have you read the Trans Widows threads?

And if you have pre teenage children, make facts clear early on. You can’t change sex etc. Mine are teenagers and they’ve been taken in and we can’t discuss it anymore- I’m waiting until they have some life experience.

Think a lot of us felt like this in the beginning - I was so angry (and angry with myself for not noticing)
But take a breath, the more of us the better but don’t go in all guns blazing in real life. We can’t fix it immediately. Put the ideas in to heads, don’t lose friends. It’s a long game unfortunately (some of the originals have been going a decade or so)
Follow lots of people on twitter, you learn a lot.

Have a read of this post, shared on another thread: victimfocus.wordpress.com/2020/06/18/to-my-radical-feminist-sisters/

I've seen far fewer people I know get 'outraged' over JKR than I would have expected - their social media feeds are still very social-justice-focused, but concentrating on anti-racism rather than denouncing her or being 'disappointed' in her etc. I think people who have been 'yes, of course trans rights matter and this is an oppressed group' are starting to question at least the methods, if not necessarily the ideology, of the activism.

And do remember there are plenty of people whose main knowledge of this entire debate is 'that Harry Potter lady got into trouble for saying biological sex was real, you can't say anything anymore, people on the internet are mad'. The people actively pushing trans ideology forwards do shout the loudest, but they're still a small (if influential) group.