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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Anyone else lost friends for supporting JK Rowling?

81 replies

teabaseddiet · 17/06/2020 00:32

I've been GC for 2-3 years now but have been selective about what I've put on Facebook.

I posted JK Rowling's explanation of her tweets & have since had a number of my friends disagreeing with me directly, posting statements about being surrounded by idiots, or unfriending me directly.

These are people I've known, in person, for years. If I'm honest, I'm disappointed that they didn't want to at least talk about it, or be prepared to accept we have different views on this.

I keep reading about lots of people whose friends are becoming GC after JKR stood up for us all, and I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself!

OP posts:
BlueBooby · 17/06/2020 19:59

I am sorry to everyone who has lost friends over this. It's a bit of another world to me. Most of the people I know are more preoccupied with their own lives. They'd probably have an opinion if it came up in conversation, but nothing militant like I read about on here and Twitter. The only Facebook friends I have who do post about social justice type stuff, are feminists I met online and I know none of them would unfriend me for agreeing with JKR.

wonderstuff · 17/06/2020 19:56

A couple of old friends have a mutual friend who I don't know who has a trans child and are being supported by mermaids. One put up the mermaids response to JKR. I pointed out the error in the mermaids interpretation of trans women's rates of criminality and said I largely agreed with JKR.
No one commented further. I'm hoping we'll be able to agree to disagree. It's very difficult. I struggle to understand how women can swallow it all.

aSofaNearYou · 17/06/2020 19:54

This is why it worries me so much that there is such a vocal part of society trying to create a world where we have to totally disown and, in the case of celebrities, blacklist anyone that doesn't share our viewpoint. I understand it with more clear cut issues like racism but the situation with JKR has really put a spotlight on the fact that this mindset is crossing over to more valid disagreements where the perceived wrongdoer is somebody speaking for women's safety, not against trans people personally. This is not a case of bigotry, this is a case of somebody trying to balance the rights of everybody and highlight a danger to women, it is incredibly worrying to see so many people too blind to see this because they are so used to cancel culture telling them this is the right way to deal with anybody who falls outside of their cultural bubble or puts equal priority on other issues.

I'm seeing so many people I respect falling into this trap.

MintyCedric · 17/06/2020 19:54

I've had to be very careful about what I post publicly as I work at an all girls secondary school.

Most of my close friends are also GC, but I think I would lose friends if I were to be more outspoken on the subject.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 17/06/2020 19:45

They'd like to pretend we are in the minority. They don't like being reminded that we aren't.

Velvetbuzzsaw · 17/06/2020 19:44

Yes. Am in an artsy line of work. Surrounded by frightened, silent women or ultra-woke colleagues loudly declaring their support for TWAW parroting the TRA without actually studying the issue deeply.

Saddest was when a male friend deleted a whole thread on FB where I thought we were having a reasoned and calm debate about the whole JKR issue. The thread was hijacked by a friend of his, typing and posting faster than humanly possible it seemed, all the usual TRA rhetoric. He hasn't posted anything about women's rights or Trans since.

LouHotel · 17/06/2020 19:44

My very woke cousins have deleted me, their mother told my mother she agrees with me.

Looking forward to a family wedding next year.

HarryHarry · 17/06/2020 19:41

Yes, my best friend. I wrote about it on the other thread. I feel terrible about it.

Fallstar · 17/06/2020 19:38

I've been unfollowed on Twitter by a couple of ex-colleagues after I supported JKR. They're both people I've always liked and respected.

One of them is a woke 20-something but the other is in her 50s and a medical professional. So that was an unpleasant surprise.

timetest · 17/06/2020 19:16

I’ve seriously offended DD2 by supporting JK Rowling. She’s a Bristol university student and horrendously woke.

Binterested · 17/06/2020 19:12

No but it is bringing a lot of women onto the barricades for the first time. Many women I know who had never expressed an opinion before are angry as hell at the abuse she's received for saying what we all know to be true. They are finally getting it.

teabaseddiet · 17/06/2020 19:07

"You're obviously not very good friends at all if you disagree in fundamentals such as this. "

Yeah it does feel like this. I can't imagine falling out with people on the basis of a fb post, without conversation. I remember coming to the realisation in my 20s (probably quite late!) that it's possible to disagree with people but still be friends. But these people clearly don't believe that. Huge shame & makes me feel quite lonely.

Sorry to the rest of you going through similar things Gin

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ViveLEntenteCordiale · 17/06/2020 19:03

I am really having to bite my tongue on Facebook as I have a trans relative who is bleating about extermination. We are both in our 50s so it's not a young woke person who is likely to change their mind. I think it would be divisive to argue; I am close with their close family members and want to keep them in my life. It's not as easy as just dropping them and finding more like-minded people.

ScrimpshawTheSecond · 17/06/2020 18:59

Oh, probably. I'm not going to go checking to see. I would be very surprised if it hadn't lost me a few friends, but frankly, the people that are angry with abused women for 'weaponising their trauma' can fuck off, anyway.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 17/06/2020 18:53

Nothing on social media because I don’t post anything but I’ve had some very heated debates with some friends. It has really made me view them in a different light; they will shout about everyone else’s rights and causes except that of women. It’s enraged me in a way only brexit, and sending your child back to school during corona have done.

Carouselfish · 17/06/2020 18:51

Have to say, these are the only two though. In the main, friends, family and colleagues have their heads screwed on.

Werkwerkwerkwerkwerkwerk · 17/06/2020 18:50

You're obviously not very good friends at all if you disagree in fundamentals such as this.

Whilst I dont agree with your position it seems a bit sad to be hiding in the closet shall we say with your views

I'd you're going to lose friends over it, then so be it. I'm sure you'll find more like minded people

Carouselfish · 17/06/2020 18:50

I unfriended someone who was angrily pro trans. He's suffered with mental health issues for years and I'd always been supportive, we were housemates at one time, but having illogical anger turned on me was pointless and disturbing. Another friend I have in London gave a look when I mentioned something. I'd like to have a proper talk to her about it to see what her thoughts are. Its so hard when your general political standpoint has always been left, because it was the kind place, the sensible without being selfish place and you now find that that proclivity for kindness has in some cases proven stronger than common sense. So your friends think youve stopped being kind and you think they are blinded by the desire to be.

wrongsideofhistorymyarse · 17/06/2020 18:50

I'm part of a group of friends who met on this site years ago.

One has left our group chat because we're transphobic for agreeing with JKR.

I've binned a younger friend off Facebook for moaning about the lack of changes to the GRA.

Lamahaha · 17/06/2020 18:48

my dds are teens. Our whoel house blew up in a veyr painful row over the weekend about JK Rowling.

That's awful, I'm so sorry.
Luckily my whole family is GC and the only woke person I know irl is my son-in-law's sister. I have a good relationship with her and we never discuss it. She did bring up BLM the other day and that's the only controversial thing we've ever discussed!
I like to get on with people. I can't stand conflict with friends, it makes me feel physically sick. But there might come a day when I will get over it and speak out. It all depends how this develops.

Lamahaha · 17/06/2020 18:43

I have hordes of FB friends who would either argue in a very ugly way, or unfriend me, if I was openly GC. So I'm not.

The only place I talk about it is on private GC groups or private friends timelines who are GC. I always look at the privacy setting before I post anything GC. I don't even "like" non-private posts, though I may have slipped up on occasion.

I have about five rabidly pro-TRA friends I've known for over a decade from another forum, and whom I don't want to lose. So I've set my settings to block them from seeing anything I've written, as a precaution. But I can still see their posts. I do like to know where they're at! I suppose it's a bit like spying, but I know for a fact that they would not only attack me furiously if they knew my thoughts, they'd spread the word to other friends that I was a horrible mean TERF and to beware of me.

It's so sad. My reputation on that other forum was rather as a mild-mannered lady who never even swore and never got embroiled in quarrels or spats, of which there were plenty.

I'm always on the lookout for hints that this friend or the other might be GC, like when one of them posted #dontbuythesun. Surely that could only mean one thing at a time like this! ;)

DeRigueurMortis · 17/06/2020 18:37

I've had a couple of people unfollow me on FB but frankly I'm beyond caring.

My tolerance for people objecting to JKR's well considered essay is zero and anyone whose posted anything vile about her I've blocked.

I've got a feeling that in a few years a lot of people who supported the TRA agenda are going to be spending a lot of time cleaning up their social media.

ShirleyPhallus · 17/06/2020 18:35

I have a friend within a social group who messaged the group calling JKR a TERF. Me and one of the other group took her to task over it but were still rather careful about exactly how we phrased what.

I haven’t yet posted anything to my personal Facebook as I know I’d lose this one particular friend, but I have been commenting on other people’s now which i feel like is a step outward. As a result of that, I’ve had PMs from other women who agree but don’t want to say so yet.

I find it so incredibly sad that men have decided what constitutes a woman, come up with a term for it, and now that women disagree we get accused of hate crimes etc etc. It really is fucked.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 17/06/2020 18:34

I think I might have lost one friend today for reposting something about the M2F MMA fighter who gloated about fracturing the skull of a female opponent who was, apparently a TERF.

FurryGiraffe · 17/06/2020 18:32

I'm not open on social media because I'm an academic at Woke University and between colleagues and students I'd lose my job. But my SIL has stopped talking to me and I'm avoiding my brother because I don't want to deal with the spectacular argument that will ensue.

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