Anyone else lost friends for supporting JK Rowling?

First Brexit and now this. It’s appalling that so many people can’t have calm, considered conversations about issues without things turning ugly and personal. I think social media has a lot to do with it. I also think it’s important to speak up otherwise the other side of the debate is never heard.

My cousin, who I love to bits. The one who gave a reading at my wedding. In the message she sent me at the weekend before she deleted me on all social media she likened me to a racist, so that was lovely.

Probably mildly in person is the way to do it.

My mum was always Be Kind but not taking much notice.
It was me saying like 3 sentences: JK says biology is real...you should have seen the abuse she got, "choke on my girl dick".... these are the very ones who want to be in the changing room when your DGD is trying to put on her swimsuit.

She got it.

Really though, ordinary decent transpeople will have to have a Not In My Name moment. Ordinary people won't allow Choke on my Girl Dick brigade in private spaces with their kids. Once they find out it's happening.

It will end badly for normal transpeople as well. I would imagine they are holding their head in their hands right now at the antics.

I left a group because it.

It's too important to ignore. It has become as bad as it has partly because people are scared of speaking out. Although it has taken hold fast, it's astonishing.

We need to talk about it in public. Please start where you can.

'Courage calls to Courage'

I have a friend who was originally in agreement with me over GC issues until her DD "educated" her. Then she started using the "why can't you just be kind...how hard would it be?" drivel that boiled my piss. So we just didn't discuss it (not ideal, as PP have said, if you have topics that are simply off limits, are you truly friends??)

Well. This friend is a massive HP fan. All the HP books. All the HP movies. All the Galbraith books...you get the picture. My friend idolises JKR. After the JKR twitter eruption she texted me. Turns out that was her peak trans event.

So in my case supporting JKR was not a problem. There are family members who are problematic, but I was cast adrift by one of them for saying transwomen do not belong in women's sports. This family member has a DD and two GDs, both in sports FFS.

Well in my case I did raise it but was met with a refusal to even look at evidence I had available to present to them. I don't know what point there is in pursuing it any further on those circumstances 🤷‍♀️

@Nacreous just read the leaflet on your link. Very depressing. Both the argument and use of inverted commas were depressing. I've an amazing friend who was once woman's officer at CUSU, backing the days when we were fighting sexism, before all this nonsense. She'd be appalled.

I really don't want to sound rude, but why tiptoe around these people? This is presumably an important issue for people here, TRAs are awful people in this regard, so why keep them as friends but not say anything? If you cannot discuss anything with a supposed friend, how much of a friend are they?

I spoke to family about it (in law family) and I got the, 'you're an extremist and you're not getting it properly' treatment. I presented pretty much all the same points as in J K Rowljngs essay (although not as well as her, no doubt).

What irritated me is not that the disagreed but that they denied things that had happened as something that would ever happen but refused to look at any evidence. It's wilful ignorance and I have no time for that so we never discuss now.

The man of the couple is a dreadful mansplainer though (he once tried to tell me I was wrong about what town I lived in and tried to explain what remand is to me - I am a law graduate) so I should have realised he would never be interested in properly considering what I had to say.

God its shocking really.

Fundamentalist stuff.

A close friend has decided I am a hateful horrible TERF for supporting JKR on Twitter. I’m sad and furious in equal measure. No attempt at discussion even - just binned.

@SchrodingersUnicorn the mermaids response linked to some research on characteristics which they claim shows that trans-women are no more dangerous to women than women, but actually states that trans-women retain the same rates of criminality as men.

I haven't yet, but I am careful who I discuss it with. Talked to my mother about it and we agree entirely, and another friend where we mainly agree.

My alma mater's students Union has now also released a "terf-spotters" guide, which details in great length all the things they deem unreasonable about being gender critical and how good feminists can be tricked into believing it.

Really depressing tbh.

Guide below:
m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10156504125073579&id=148494338578

< raises a weary hand >

All of them straight, woke types. One even said she really didn't know much about it, but...

Am so fucking tired of straight people lecturing me, an Actual Homosexual, about section 28.

My SIL has already cut another family member out of her life altogether over the trans issue so I wouldn't dare post anything on social media. You can pick your friends but you can't pick your family...!

I've got at least a dozen vehemently pro-trans-rights friends, most of which are either family members or long term friends who would argue with me very publicly about it. It would be very upsetting to be honest. One friends post in the last week referred to a billionaire transphobe... I don't know what I can do about it but I know that it's not directly addressing the issue, full on, on social media. That will just get their backs up straight away and they won't listen.

I don't post openly on Facebook because my niece is transitioning. Unbelievably she hasn't mentioned JKR, otherwise I'd hide her for a bit.

She knows how I feel but for the sake of family relationships it's the thing I don't discuss with them.

To be honest, this isn’t the sort of thing I’d discuss on FB. Most of my ‘real friends’ are people who hold similar views to me, and none of them would disagree with my views about JKR. I use FB to stay in touch with acquaintances and people I vaguely know and I never post anything about politics on there. My sister has a child who is trans and, after a major falling out at Christmas between her and another member of the family, we just don’t talk about it. She probably knows my opinion, but I put out very clear ‘don’t discuss this with me’ vibes to keep conversations civil. Hence, FB would be a no-no.

Ironically, this sister has a husband is a ‘progressive’ virtue signaller and is constantly posting ‘right on’ things on his FB. This then leads to massive online spats with my other sister, who doesn’t share his views and is vocal about hers. Cue a massive pile-on from is oh-so-woke-and-live-in-Brighton friends. The latest (statue-gate) has led to my two sisters not speaking to each other at all.

Social media is just a cesspit.

If I mentioned this subject to my friends I doubt they would have the fainest idea what I was talking about , so no.

I have a lovely friend who I work with (have done at different workplaces for 20+ years) and we haven’t talked about JKR but we have disagreed in the past over the issue, i’m GC, she is pro-trans. She has made me think very carefully about it but we are still friends, we’re a bit ‘don’t go there’ now. We have been through so much together, a previous work place was v dysfunctional, we’ve lost dear colleagues, she has a serious illness, I’ve been bereaved etc, we just can’t let this come between us, we just have to respect each other’s views. It’s crazy that people are able to disagree about other issues but this debate has got so toxic.

My DD also appears to think JKR is a transphobe but I don’t worry too much about her as she is 12 and has got time to see sense!!! I’m working on her!

@wonderstuff would you mind explaining the errors in the interpretation please? I got told to educate myself and read that document today.

Most of my RL friends are GC like me.

I have online friends (shared hobby) with whom I wouldn't discuss it, because I think the split would be about 50-50 and it would blow the group apart.

Where I live, rural south, the vast, vast majority of people aren't on twitter and are pro-women. What can I say. Outside the big city/university bubbles, I think - from what I see directly - common sense prevails.

Yes. I just said I think we should find ways to safeguard women who have suffered abuse and suggested that JK had a good point there. Didn't say anything that suggested TW aren't W, nor did I even dispute the basic concept of self-ID. I just said it needs to be safer so male abusers can't exploit it before it goes through.
Naturally, I was called a vile terf and told that would never happen and there isn't a single example of that happening anywhere ever...