I don't want to talk to any of my friends anymore

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3938280-Threats-from-transactivists-in-Ireland?pg=5

I understand your dilemma. I had a fall-out with my 23 yr old daughter last week when I told her I supported JKR. She went mad - JKR is 'vile' and 'transwomen are women' hissed at me through gritted teeth before she stormed off. It's like a cult - totally faith based with no grounding in reality or science. And they will NEVER debate! I think they are so quick to anger for precisely that reason - they have no argument and they know it.

I can't look at my daughter the same way now. She's not the person I thought she was. And she's really sporty too, so you'd think she'd at least see that transwomen have a massive advantage over women in sports.

Many young women don't appreciate how hard won women's rights are in this country, and can't understand what life was like for women even relatively recently. It was only in 1991 that rape within marriage was made illegal! Men have never given us anything. Any rights we have are due to the courageous women who campaigned so hard for so long. Sad to think that this generation could be the one to give those rights away.

Oops, sorry, I wandered off half way through writing that, and came back later to post it and find that you'd already heard about resisters and were hoping to get in touch with the local group.

I think you do make the first contact via [email protected] and then they give you an e-mail for the local group if there is one, or ask if you fancy starting one if there isn't one yet.

If you live in an area that already has a Resisters United group you could contact them. Or there might be other women in your area who also want a group, and the central Resisters will put you in touch with each other. resistersunited.org

For people who 'aren't phobic of the LGB community' you should check out lgballiance.org.uk As a lesbian I am vastly relieved that there is now an organisation that protects my rights. After Stonewall decreed that, according to their definition, 'homosexual' is now considered 'a more medical term used to describe someone who has a romantic and/or sexual orientation towards someone of the same gender' left me feeling betrayed.

I heartily recommend watching every video on Magdalen Berns YouTube channel just because she has such a wonderful way with words and she always makes me feel better when I'm depressed by the awful things being done to women and children by transgenderists. www.youtube.com/channel/UCvTTakI97sQ4SkMnsH8r0qQ/videos?view=0&sort=da&flow=grid

There was a call out for irish feminists trying link up here just a few days ago, if you scroll down through the threads you will likely find it. They all say it's hard to be out there so do try to find them....

The best suggestion I can make to all of you is to read "Why Does He DO That" by Lundy Bancroft.
A huge number of transgender advocates are abusive men, and some women too. Politicians too.
Read the book, learn to recognize the tactics.
Psychological projection.
DARVO
Gaslighting
Forced teaming
Once you recognize what you are seeing you will rarely waste your time arguing with an abuser again. Except here on FWR where we do it for the benefit of the lurkers.
Read the Transwidows thread if you want to know what life is like for them.

I think I just need a handhold and some sound advice, because I feel like I'm waking up from a mass delusion by myself, and so alone.

You're not alone OP. But I know exactly how you feel. My partner respects my views but he doesn't understood them really. But after this week, with it being in the headlines and the awful way it's been reported and reacted to, I feel so isolated in my reaction to events and totally alienated from much of the gay community. I was with a couple of gay friends yesterday and they were taking about they've enjoyed going to Pride in past years. I know I never want to go anywhere near that, with how it's been tainted by Stonewall and the like.

Fortunately I have 2 or 3 gender critical friends, 2 female and 1 male, so I'm lucky I have someone in person to chat to.

Anyway, take care, you're not alone.

@20mum

Hi, I'm not actually a Filia rep, just an attendee. I do agree with you though, I think it would be great to have an online event. The have postponed the event to next year, likely to avoid losing money they have already spent on the venue.

A lot of academics are involved and they so seem to have a strong culture of travel as a perk and a freebie I've noticed which I always think is a bit profligate with students cash....

Not sure how to get hold of them, are there no contacts on the website? I am sure you will be listened to.

Oh I'm right there with ya!

Hello, new posters, and welcome. to those of you with difficult histories.

Forgot to add that you can sign up and contact them here:

filia.org.uk/newsletter-signup

20mum, I imagine it's because it can cost serious money to do something like that online and also because one of the best things about any event like that is going and meeting other women and hearing their stories and exchanging information and making friendships.

My first post on this board too. Came along to say how much I agree with your post OP. I'm GC, and I'm getting bloody angry about this pandering to the trans lobby.

Thanks so much for posting. I am feeling really lonely right now. Mostly biting my tongue, but I’ve twice tried to explain my view and it hasn’t gone well. When these issues became pertinent to me, I was open minded. I have known a fair no of trans people , and probably would have wholeheartedly agreed with the need to be kind, although that always does have undertones of humour them, like when your 4 year old wants to be an astronaut, to me, so I might have wanted to do more, and have become a trans ally.
Then my child announced they were trans, and I had to educate myself fast.And I did. And I knew that I could never affirm or accept any chemical or surgical interventions, and that I did not believe this child was born in the wrong body. I certainly did not believe that it was certain they would not change their minds.The more I read, the fervid claims, the anger, the entitlement, the weaponisation of language. The threats of suicide and of violence to anyone who asked a question, the more convinced I became that this was a cult, enticing very vulnerable children to join.
Then someone I love told me that they were repeatedly raped as a young child by a man in woman’s clothing. Her relationships As an adult have sometimes become abusive. I thought of how it would be for her if she found herself in a refuge and there were trans women as fellow residents, or as staff members. I am not implying that all trans women are sexual predators. This rapist always presented in public as male. But any male would be unacceptable to my loved one in a refuge, and she would read a trans woman as male and as an absolute threat.
I have always been for debate, for respecting differences and for compromise. But children are being sacrificed on this altar, and so are women. And I can never agree .tha5 trans women are women.
Thank you to JKR, thank you to the regulars on this board, and thanks to you,op.

It's so sad these days that people can't accept that other people have different opinions without taking everything so personally. I often have different views from my friends around politics for example and we usually have a good debate and end the discussion with a laugh and an agreement to see things differently. It doesn't affect our friendship because we aren't defined by any single topic. I'm in my 40s and I worry about this new thought extremism that the younger generations in particular seem to subscribe to. Seems we need a tolerance movement to intervene so the younger generations learn that being woke can become being intolerant and extremist. Which is never a good thing regardless of the ideology it's attached to.

Sorry you have lost friendships OP - it's horrid to feel silenced because you don't follow group thought. Can't remember who said it but I have always loved the quote that goes something like " if everyone in the room thinks the same, no one is thinking". Diversity is wonderful and of benefit in all forms - but different views must be allowed for everyone to benefit from it 💐

Hello, thanks for posting this. It's definitely worth looking up women's place UK and read what they say, watch the talks. This goes for anyone new to this. The other way to find stuff and people, is twitter, where you can be anon. But there is some nastiness too obviously.

If you look up "resisters UK" (they have a web site, twitter and I think Facebook) you can find out if there is a group near you. I'm involved locally (obvs not now in lock down) & they are just a bunch of feminist women who are worried about this all. Even if you don't make contact now it might help to know there are some other women locally.

OP do your trans friends act the way you describe - or is this mostly 'allies'?
I'm glad your husband understands where you are coming from.

Could have written a few of these posts. We've also had this discussion this week, and as much as I knew it was probably going to go down how it did, I'm still sad. We've officially agreed to "never talk of this again" and stay friends but part of me feels like things will never be the same. 🤷

To the Filia rep. who posted above, why can't a meeting be online?

There has been Parliamentary meeting, voting and legislation online.
It is arguably elitist and disablist, at the least, to arrange what could be inclusive in such a format it excludes almost everyone.

Filia isn't the worst, though. Of all organisations to cancel a meeting, the climate change summit people threw a tantrum, because if they can't set a 'good' example by flying all over the planet to attend a conference in person, then they won't speak to anyone at all, so there.
Not intending to hijack the thread, but there's no way to contact filia

I posted about this on another thread. I “came out” as GC on social media last week and quickly had to delete my account because of the pile-on from “friends” accusing me of transphobia even though I hadn’t said anything hateful. All I said was that I supported trans people but I didn’t agree with everything that was being done in their name. It showed me that it is not possible to have a calm, reasonable discussion with these people. The world really has gone fucking insane. I too am afraid for my children being taught this utter non-scientific gender bullshit.

That feeling may be Fear, Obligation and Guilt - FOG. Its common to feel it when you are leaving a toxic or out of balance relationship. There's a blog called Out Of The Fog which you might find interesting, its written for people who are dealing with narcs but the advice is valid for other types of relationship as well.

Based on your description of how the friendship group works, another blog piece you might find interesting is The Dollhouse, because when you leave you risk being made the scapegoat;
thoughtcatalog.com/shahida-arabi/2018/06/the-dollhouse-5-roles-you-play-in-a-narcissists-harem-or-love-cult/

Hello. My first post on the feminist boards too.
I also have fallen out with friends this week over this. We've agreed to disagree but I just can't look at them the same again to hear them shutting down any reasonable discussion. And the constant reposting of aggressive statements condemning anyone with a different opinion.
The break room at work was exactly the same.
It's agree with me or you're anti trans. Which I'm not.
I'm advocating for vulnerable women who everyone else seems to have forgotten or not care enough about.

I don't either OP, that's why I'm here. I'm exhausted. I can't defend biology all day every day and I'm struggling to maintain the friendships I have for other reasons (no time).

The good news is my bestie reached the top of the mountain so to speak last week and we have been talking a lot about it since.