I emailed him:
Dear Sir
As a child I wanted to be a boy. I called myself Tom and wished I had a penis - because if I had a penis then no one would deny I was a boy. Dressing as a boy, fooling people into thinking I was a boy was not enough. This wish that I could just ‘switch’ bodies continued until I was at least 23. Perhaps not fully accepting being a female until age 25. But I was 23 when I finally accepted that my body had nothing to do with my personality (identity was not a thing then) and I should not allow anyone to hinder my ambitions based on the sex of my body. For I realised then that clothes, make up, interests, hair etc had nothing to do with being male or female. Male and female are just words used to describe two different types of body - shorthand for saying bodies with or without a vagina. The history of women is not a happy one - I’m sure as a headteacher you are not unaware of this. This history has shaped the expectations society - male and female, have of women. Think of the insults men throw at one another - throw like a girl, cry like a girl, don’t be such a girl - these insults are still, as you are aware, used today. We may no longer be viewed the property of men anymore and are now trusted to vote but still there is a long way to go before females are fully accepted by men as equals. I was aware of this dismissal of women from a very very young age which is why for as long as I can remember, age 3, I wanted to be a boy. I wanted their opportunities and adventures. I wanted the respect they were automatically given. I also wanted their safety - this was a hazy notion as a youngster that developed into a subconscious certainty as I grew older particularly when puberty hit. What safety precautions do you make before stepping outside your door - particularly at night? If you were to be raped would people ask what you were wearing? Would your knickers be used as evidence that you ‘wanted it’? You would and they would if you were female. Have you registered how old I was before I made peace with my body? I was at least 23. Likely right up to that age and possibly up to 25 - certainly any time before 23 if someone had come to me and said they could operate, perform procedures and give me hormones to turn me into a man I would have leapt at the chance. And I would have made the biggest mistake of my life. It would have been disastrous. I am who I am. I reject gender stereotypes. I am not a stereotype and the fact I am not a stereotype does not change my sex.
I am so relieved not to be a child or a young adult today. For if I were, Mermaids, Stonewall and Twittersphere would be either validating and facilitating my wish to be a man and encouraging me to surgery and hormones. Indeed I still today meet their criteria to be called a man. I assure you tho I am not. I am a female whose interests and clothing choice has more in common with the stereotypes applied to those born with a penis. I am very happy with who I am. I am still not happy at how women are viewed and treated but rather than reject my sex I choose to embrace it and instead do what little I can to change perceptions and encourage acceptance. I encourage others to reject stereotypes. Brave is not a girl with short hair who prefers football and rejects skirts calling herself a boy it is a girl who has short hair, prefers football to dolls and jeans to skirts calling herself a girl. A boy who loves pink, plays with dolls and wears dresses and proudly proclaims himself a boy is brave. They are brave because they refuse stereotypes. This is what school teaches isn’t it? To reject stereotypes?
Could you please explain to me, without resorting to stereotypes or ‘feelings’ what a woman is? What a man is?
Not all men are predators, we all know this. Why do we have separate sex spaces - we do not have separate gender spaces. It’s sex.
You are aware teenagers are very body conscious. Why must girls and boys have to dress and undress and shower alongside bodies that are different to their own? I know I found it embarrassing enough to be undressed in front of a body similar to mine as a teenager and even tho I wanted a male body I would have been mortified had I been expected to share a changing room with a body that had a penis. That that person may wish their body was the same as mine would not have helped me feel comfortable. I still, as an adult would not be happy or comfortable. Why are women like myself being told we must accept this? That some women would be comfortable is neither here nor there. There are many who are not. Many more who have suffered appalling abuse and rape and therefore for whom the prospect is not just uncomfortable but traumatic.
Why is a man who can identify as John on Monday but Jane on Wednesday be permitted to take roles reserved for women? Can you explain the fairness in this? Although John has their own unique life experiences they are not the same as a women’s and their history is not that of a women - they were never viewed as property and had the privilege of a vote granted to them long before women did. They never had to pretend to be the opposite sex to get published or get a job. Well, not unless it’s a position reserved for females to ensure we are fairly represented....
Sports - why are there male and female divisions? Able bodied and disabled? Weight and age categories? I take part in sports. I have competed alongside men and trans as well as , obviously, women in all weight and age divisions. Competing against younger and heavier women did not present the challenge that competing against trans did. Competing against trans was no different to competing against trans men. A separate trans division is very much needed if we are to ensure fair play for all. Why must I be referred to as a menstruater? Actually I no longer menstruate. Does this mean I should ignore the call for people who menstruate to have a cervical smear test? Clarity and facts are important. It is my body not my feelings, not my identity that means it is important I still go for my smear tests. It is my sex. My womanhood.
Do you not think that women in jails should be free of the risk of rape - rape as defined in the legal sense - penetration by a penis, free of the risk of being impregnated against their will?
Do you not think that parents of teenage girls in the girl guides should be permitted to know if a male body will be in the female body spaces?
Do you honestly think there are no safeguarding issues?
Absolutely those born with penises (this is the language If I am to be clear) and who do not conform to the stereotypes that such people ‘must’ adhere to should be safe - why should their safety and comfort be at the expense of those born with a vagina? What are you, as an educator going to do to convince penis owners to be more tolerant of those who prefer the female stereotype? Come to that what are you going to do to ensure female bodies people are treated and respected as equals?
Could you then explain why you do not tolerate free speech, discussion or why people born and raised in a female body enduring all that that entails are not allowed a voice when discussing ideas and beliefs that affect our very real lives?
Have you done your own research - interrogated the sources, corroborated the sources - on both sides of the debate? Or do you refuse to accept there are two sides to this debate? You agree that lesbians MUST accept a penis can be a female penis, that to reject a ‘woman’ with a penis is bigotry at it’s finest? If so what is a lesbian? Are the men who I date gay? I ask because as said above - I fit the male stereotype not the female, so if they date me, have sex with me and we accept the trans argument it’s nothing to do with my body - they must be gay?
I ask again -
Have you done your own, extensive and independent research?
Why do you believe there should be no debate? Why must women's feelings not be considered or validated - why are they secondary to trans?
Why do you feel women’s voices must not be heard?
What are you doing to protect people born with vaginas at your school?