MadameButterface You have my genuine sympathy. I have a friend in your very position and I have a non-conforming child I am watching very closely. This is a very hard situation and I think you would actually find that there are parents on the thread posted that may help. Truly your decision.
I (and as many others have actually posted their agreeance) agree that female is very good word to use. It has been however sometimes violently rejected as an alternative. Hence why we are in this situation of fighting over language that is not serving anyone well and for my perspective is dehumanising to women. I, also, would be much happier to have the focus on the NHS leading the way in providing excellence in immediate mental health support while waiting for other support.
It is also important, however, to acknowledge the legal ramifications for our daughters and their future women's rights. This is a major part of the real discussion. The outrage you see is women feeling completely unsupported in standing up for these protections and ensuring that the rights of transgender people sit neatly with women's rights without erosion. Can it be done? Hard to know when the Equality Act has been misinterpreted to suit a lobby groups agenda based on the conflating of sex and gender.
But perhaps you know all of this.
I wish you well and that your child gets the outside support they need and that you do also.