Birth in a time of coronavirus

@YetAnotherSpartacus

Maybe because in some situations (not all but a fair few) mum is unable physically or emotionally to care for the tiny person she just spent 48 hours+ trying to get out of her body and the NHS don’t seem to think that’s their problem.

If mum were in hospital a few months PP with the similar physical damage and baby were up in the children’s ward with a separate medical issue...no one would expect her to be traipsing between the two providing care for herself and baby. I’m not sure what it is about birth that makes the NHS feel exempt from providing adequate support.

I don’t actually mind who it is, husband, partner, mum, friend...women who have just given birth do deserve support and care.

PulpHorn
I'm sorry but not surprised to hear about your experience
Congratulations on your new baby!

I gave birth nearly 3 weeks ago. The restrictions made things particularly unpleasant during labour as although I was 4cm when I arrived, they wouldn't send me to delivery as they said I wasn't advanced enough (they also mentioned how busy they were so probably not enough space). So I was sent on 2 agonising (and embarrassing!) walks around the hospital and also left in a triage bay for a couple of hours completely alone. I found this made the pain really hard to manage. Understandably this slowed my progress and I had to push to be admitted to antenatal for some pain relief. Antenatal was really pleasant as no partners and really quiet and I actually dilated to 10cm within a couple of hours once I actually got some privacy but it would have been nice to have DH/any birth partner with me. I was then rushed to delivery and he arrived just for the pushing. So definitely didn't get the birth I wanted however I'm pleased he made it in the end. Postnatal ward was curtains all closed and quite quiet but not very relaxing, I was desperate to leave ASAP and only managed to do so as I knew a paediatrician who thankfully was on shift and able to come in the evening to do a postnatal check. I think I'd have preferred visitors allowed but maybe reduced hours so it's less of a free for all

Yeah - I don't get why they allow males on the ward outside of visiting hours and certainly not overnight.

If you don't want partners on wards then you need to ensure there is constant, 1-1 or 1-2 midwife care to provide the same sort of assistance

YUP, seconded! As an avid ‘partners/a birth partner should be allowed on post natal wards’ I would happily step down from my soap box if adequate support were in place to care for the baby whilst also allowing mum to recover.

The midwife who discharged me actually had a huge rant about this when I pointed out how I’d never have coped had DH not stayed overnight with me (I could barely move). She said something along the lines of...

‘It’s madness, there’s not a single other ward In this place that would allow a patient to do anything for themselves if they’d gone through physical trauma, or major surgery, and they’re staffed to deal with that...but because it’s babies women here are expected to look after themselves and a little one.’

By the time I made it to post natal (about 11pm) I would happily have sent DS to a nursery. I was sleep deprived, physically devastated and emotionally traumatised.

"If you don't want partners on wards then you need to ensure there is constant, 1-1 or 1-2 midwife care to provide the same sort of assistance."

Which is never going to happen, given the woeful state of the NHS and maternity care after god knows how long of underfunding, staff shortages and selling it off to private companies.

In the times before men were normally coming in to births etc, babies were often kept in the nursery for the night. There were downsides to that of course but in a way it's more realistic than expecting a woman who has just given birth to do it. Which is something that really should be addressed in any case, because even under normal circumstances many women don't have someone there with them at night. I have particularly bad memories with my son, even in a private room, because the medication was making me dizzy, it had been a very tiring birth, I was attached to my bed by a catheter, and my husband was home taking care of two young kids at night. If anyone had asked I'd have jumped at the chance of giving him o the nurses for a few hours.

I know 3 women who have given birth during lockdown and all 3 had a pretty horrendous experience. Midwives were extremely helpful as always but they were still left to care for a newborn all day and all night with very little respite while also trying to recover from birth. One ended up so sleep deprived she fainted. When I gave birth the only thing that got me through the long nights of constant feeding was knowing DH would be in at 7am and I could get some sleep.

If you don't want partners on wards then you need to ensure there is constant, 1-1 or 1-2 midwife care to provide the same sort of assistance.

"Dad will be present at the birth and be able to stay until mum is settled on the ward surely."

"Surely" indeed....
It's not a given that fathers (or other birth partners) will be present at the birth. In some hospitals they were banned completely (not sure if that's still the case). Even if they are allowed, the rule about active labour only means that in some cases they might actually miss the birth.

And no, they're not allowed to stay until the mum is settled on the ward. Some hospitals allow them to stay for an hour or two after the birth (presumably while the mother and baby are still in the delivery room) but they're not usually allowed in the postnatal ward at all.

I'm due to give birth in the next week or so (not my first). The hospital here is about an hour away, plus add usually an hour to park. They've advised that basically DH should drive up to the door, I'll get let in and IF they agree I'm in active labour by then, they'll let him in too. Wtf? How are we supposed to judge the timing of all that? Last time it took days!

I'd try and work toward putting off going to hospital until you are in active labour, unless they have told you there are medical reasons you can't. You might find it easier to have a sense of that having already done it once.

Crikey, generalization much? I said I liked the excerpt Cara posted, I didn't say the coronavirus restrictions were a magic solution for anything. I also shared that my relative didn't have to stay in as a number of women had expressed their anxiety about having to do so without adequate support. But I'm apparently 'celebrating' the current situation because I said that women only spaces can be powerful and I should be dismissed because I'm not actually pregnant right now? Riiight.

BaronessFloralBunting Tue 09-Jun-20 11:59:41
For those who are understandably anxious about giving birth, can I offer some reassurance - a relative gave birth in the last week and she was out and home with partner the same day, no extended stay in a ward.
....
That is very encouraging, Baroness and it's how it is for most people who have an uncomplicated birth. Dad will be present at the birth and be able to stay until mum is settled on the ward surely. Then he can come back later and collect them both to take home.

Interesting isn't it how the women who are actually pregnant or have just had a baby are not at all happy with the restrictions - it is a really shit time to be pregnant/giving birth at the moment. But the posters who don't actually find themselves in this situation are somehow celebrating it?!

I'm not sure this is entirely fair, it's not like other women have not had babies. I've had four, and I'm of the view that the encouragement to have partners stay all hours or even overnights in some cases has basically been a way to get along with too little nursing care, and it is in many instances a problem for other women in a ward situation - even when the fathers in question are entirely polite and respectful.

At the same time, there has been a significant cultural change toward people being less likely to be social with those they haven't met, and married couples being each others main social support in general. And the company of other patients in no way makes up for lack of staff.

I'm due to give birth in the next week or so (not my first). The hospital here is about an hour away, plus add usually an hour to park. They've advised that basically DH should drive up to the door, I'll get let in and IF they agree I'm in active labour by then, they'll let him in too. Wtf? How are we supposed to judge the timing of all that? Last time it took days! I had to be in hospital nearly a week last time too. Other people's visitors were a bit annoying maybe, but I for one would much rather have my DH, (and DD) be able to visit. I'm happy to help any new mum if I can/they ask but I'm sure most will actually want privacy. They'll be testing us all for COVID-19 but still, let's not pretend that this is some kind of idyllic situation! It's the midwives who should be helping with breastfeeding etc but usually they are too few and too busy. Last time I literally got told I couldn't be in labour yet because there was nobody available to see me. That's at one of the top maternity hospitals in the UK.

I agree, it's awful.
The tone of the article is rather predictable. Sugar coating it rather. Isn't the NHS great, aren't we doing brilliantly?! Er I'm sure you're doing your best but it's not perfect mate.

"Antenatal classes are online and a lot of care is delivered by telephone; it seems to have worked very well."
Ha. It might work well for some women but not all. For example, I have PGP and a history of depression, and I find pregnancy yoga hugely beneficial to my physical and mental well-being - but doing it at home is not the same. I also had a phone appointment with the physio instead of F2F, which is pointless.

AnotherEmma

What I found particularly heartbreaking in that article was how the hospital is dealing with women who have had a stillbirth. Apparently many women don't want to see the baby straight away but because of restrictions they have no other opportunity now to see baby.

How horrific is that? I wonder if those women are also forced to stay on their own in hospital post natally too?

Who will they have to support them? Surely not other women who have just given birth?

Sounds awful. I don’t want to “bond” with random women who just happen to be having a baby the same time as me; I want my husband there to support me.

Interesting isn't it how the women who are actually pregnant or have just had a baby are not at all happy with the restrictions - it is a really shit time to be pregnant/giving birth at the moment. But the posters who don't actually find themselves in this situation are somehow celebrating it?!

I acknowledge that in some hospitals, men have been allowed too many freedoms on the postnatal wards, some men have not respected the mothers' privacy, and a few have taken the piss. That is an issue and it needs to be addressed, probably by ensuring stricter segregation of spaces, limiting visitor hours and enforcing the rules better.

But the coronavirus restrictions are not a fucking magic solution. The human rights of women during pregnancy and childbirth have been severely restricted and often to a disproportionate and unjustifiable degree. Hospitals have banned ALL birth partners and visitors, not just men. In most cases this means women get no support at all, apart from a busy midwife occasionally checking in, and you get good and bad midwives, as with any profession. Many hospitals have completely banned home births and/or ELCS which means that women who would have chosen those options for whatever reason (sometimes PTSD due to traumatic previous birth) are denied that choice. In most cases a woman is only allowed a birth partner when the midwife decides that she's in "active labour" which means that women are essentially being coerced into vaginal examinations (since dilation is the preferred method of determining whether they're in active labour).

But sure, never mind all that - with no men on postnatal wards, it must all be great for women 🙄

For those who are understandably anxious about giving birth, can I offer some reassurance - a relative gave birth in the last week and she was out and home with partner the same day, no extended stay in a ward.

I'm due mid next month and deaperately anxious about DH having to leave. To be honest I don't care about a 'women's only space' or bonding with strangers. I want my partner there, I want my curtain closed and I want to be out asap.

Sorry but I'm pregnant and desperate for restrictions to be lifted by the time baby comes in December so DH can stay with me.

A pragmatic solution to the problem of some people wanting partners there and others wanting a female only space though would be to split the ward into two sections. One partners allowed, one female only, you choose where you'd rather be. Most wards would be large enough for this I would think.

LavenderLotus, unless there are complications and/or you have to have a Caesarian, you'll be going home quickly so won't be on your own for long.

I really do hope everything goes smoothly for you and you are not stuck in hospital for days. I would have hated that and went home the next day but sometimes people are discharged the same day they are delivered so think positively. Also you may not be in pain after giving birth; if you have stitches they 'tug' and feel sore but apart from that, you could well feel absolutely fine. I hope so.

Good luck and congratulations.