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Original poster

The kink that dare not speak its name

29 replies

GCGayDad · 05/06/2020 21:51

Just spotted this while scrolling through The Guardian. Last week's problem page I think: www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/may/01/boyfriend-sexual-kinks-i-find-abhorrent-resolve-differences#comment-140278165

While the agony aunt and the readers' comments seem largely reasonable, anyone on this forum will spot a glaring omission in the analysis of what's going on. I wonder if either
(a) the agony aunt and others are ignorant of AGP;
(b) she and they don't think the nature of the kink is relevant;
(c) editorial pressure has excluded any mention of AGP or trans issues:
Or (d) all three.

Any thoughts, @tinselangel and others?

OP posts:
Original poster
GCGayDad · 06/06/2020 00:22

Cara, having read the agony aunt"s response, I agree with you - it's awful.
But some of the readers' 'comments do, fortunately, make a similar point made by you, eg :

"Don't listen to anyone who tries to make you feel unempathetic or close minded. These aren't sexual kinks, they're indicative of an entirely different sexual outlook, in which your own identity and comfort zones are being slowly eroded to make room for his, with a nice thick layer of manipulative guilt tripping to make you feel old fashioned, insensitive or boring for not "giving it a go". If you removed the "wants to dress up as a woman" aspect and looked at your boyfriends behaviour simply for what it seeks to achieve, we would call it borderline abusive and we would call it misogyny because that is what it is.

"This way lies a long, dark slope that leads down to the eventual obliteration of any sense of self worth or identity you may once have had."

OP posts:
CaraDune · 05/06/2020 22:13

(Should add with AGP what that's telling you about the rest of the personality is that this is a man with very deeply engrained levels of misogyny, who doesn't see women as human beings but rather as props in his sexual fantasy landscape.)

CaraDune · 05/06/2020 22:11

Ghastly article and mostly ghastly comments.

There is nothing wrong with being repulsed by the idea of something sexually (leaving aside the issue of other problems with AGP). Women are allowed to say "no, not for me" without being prude shamed. They're even allowed to say "you know, the fact that you're into that sexually tells me something about your character/personality - and it's not something good." Sexual preferences don't exist in some sort of bubble, divorced from the rest of life. Sometimes (e.g. rape fantasies where the person is identifying with the perpetrator) they tell you something really important about the rest of the personality (this person is a scummy shitbag and I should run for the hills right now).

TinselAngel · 05/06/2020 21:58

No doubt all of the idiots who queue up on twitter to tell me AGP doesn't exist (despite it being all over the Internet), are Guardian readers.