Trans Widows' Escape Committee 4 - A New Hope

@Justtryingtobehelpful interesting article - isn't it incredible that it's over 20 years old. Thanks so much for sharing. I wonder if many women feel able to speak to their GP honestly about this issue yet. I was signed off work for 2 months with 'generalised anxiety' as I just couldn't bring myself to be honest with the doctor about what was causing me the stress. The shame of association and not wanting reference to the specifics in MY medical record. This stigma means that women may not be getting the help and support they need, which would be readily available for other traumas. Imagine surviving trauma and not being able to talk to anyone about it, or get specialist help or support; attempting to bury it but it never leaves you because it's your husband or the father of your children.No wonder the women in the article became so ill. Nobody knows my (ex) husband's secret except me. He doesn't care what I think or feel, nor understands the need for discretion. I live in terror that he will turn up at the house one day to collect our son dressed like a grotesque drag queen, leaving me to deal with the aftermath.

Would an upfront reply along the lines of 'thank you for the toys, I have put them aside for when you are able to give them to the DCs yourself. On that score, have you thought about when you will next see the DCs and how this might be best brokered so as to not cause them upset?' work?

That way, you are clear that you are encouraging access, not mentioning his status and also making it clear that any access will be mediated for the benefit of the children.

Your situation does seem to be more like than unlike other divorces/separations with toxic men.

Read this and thought you all might appreciate it...
www.gender.org.uk/conf/1998/diana.htm

I'm a lurker but my heart goes out to you all!

I could hand them over but without saying who they're from...but I don't know if that's right either...years later kids might say 'you never told us daddy sent these'...

That's just it though @TinselAngel, I'm not happy to do this. He should either make proper contact or leave them alone.

I'm not sure what to do with the toys he's already sent. If I say they're from him, the kids will go from elation to questioning to weeping. Same if there was a letter. What I'm trying to say is, no matter what I do I will hurt my kids. He is making me hurt them and making me feel controlled.

@QuinnMovesOn He doesn't work, so whatever he could afford would be so negligible as to make it not worth the stress of interacting with him.

@TieYourCannons, I'm sorry you're in a painful situation. Do you have a solicitor or court order yet? This may be something that this can address, no anonymous contact. Also, your ex avoiding contact with the children shouldn't mean they have no obligation for child maintenance/support. Even if you have a good livelihood, odds are good that you would be due something under a court order as the primary custody parent.

Hello everyone. Feeling really weary and defeated today. Random toys have started turning up in the post. No letter, no message. I know they're from him. I don't want to allow myself to be used as a vehicle to hurt my children. Why should I have to deal with the questions: where is daddy, why did he send this, will we see him, can we speak to him, etc. Not to mention how utterly disrespectful it is to me, their only carer, to not engage with me at all, just send random items to my address and expect me to deal with the emotional fallout on my own. If I don't pass them on, I'll potentially be cast as the bad guy later on down the line. If I give them, I have to do something that's against my better judgment as it will hurt them.

I've also found out he's living a very promiscuous lifestyle (or trying to, lol) further confirming what we all know which is that it's all about sexual gratification and nothing else. That's more important than his family, than work, than stable relationships. Let's all celebrate their bravery for giving in to every sexual impulse they ever dreamed of in their depraved little porn obsessed minds, and throwing their kids under the bus in the process.

Should I give the toys without saying who they came from?

(Sorry I haven't said much on here lately. Been gathering strength. Big hugs to all).

Yes Reddit is a bad place for gender critical women or anyone who doesn't 100% accept TRAs harmful gender ideology and the silencing of women.

Regarding that interview and their lack of a sex life "We are working through it" ie - I haven't coerced her into doing things she doesn't want to yet

• my husband is questioning his gender
• my husband is now my wife! Yay! We can go shopping together! She looks fabulous in my dresses!
• my trans wife is spending a lot of money and not around much, what do?
• my trans wife left me for a bloke

When he first came out as trans, I was directed to the subreddit called mypartneristrans which is full of super supportive partners who are oh so happy that their (usually) male partner can now be their authentic self. From what I've seen the people who stay are often either young and woke, or quite old and not wanting to go through a breakup because they've been together for so long. There's rarely young children involved in these relationships. I'm guessing that's where the 50% comes from. But I would be sceptical of the actual quality of these relationships, especially after a few years.

They often have a life time practice of lying and concealing. Yes, we forget this, and certainly I felt idiotic for not having seen 'clues' or signs.. and I felt selfconscious that other people would think I must have known. When despite my professional background and apparently quite close marriage, I had no idea at all. We approach marriage in good faith, believing what we are told and what we see, and often as women, focussing on supporting and caring for others and particularly our children. It's not surprising we are duped.
The Twitter video is very typical; it has 'me me me' written all over it, and the usual heavily-groomed appearance which fools no'one.
Welcome Boujie I'm glad you can see the 'support' networks' flaws; the notion that acceptance, even celebration, is and should be the norm, is misleading and dishonest and piles further pressure on women already in a vulnerable position. Congratulations on breaking free.
No'one seems to have found decent data on how many relationships survive transition but anecdotally it's thought to be 50%; would be good to know after five years how many partnerships are still intact. Even if it is 50%, the mainstream narrative that the norm is staying, and the enormously-weighted media bias representing only those relationships, means that coverage is woefully inadequate and unrepresentative.

Talking about brainwashing groups or support, the ones for children of Trans identified male parents are dreadful. Persuading kids that their brave and stunning parent is a butterfly who has emerged from a chrysalis and is better than ever before. Lucky you, a new Mummy!

Meanwhile these men refuse to be called Daddy, rewrite history to make it seem as if the actual mother knew the situation all along and was completely happy being impregnated by their lady penis and female gender identified spermatozoa aka non binary gametes.

Yes, likely. A rather unsuccessful attempt, if you ask me. It just makes him look more freakish.

I saw that interview and was appalled by it. Today's world leaves me befuddled. It is amazing to me that in my lifetime we have come to the point where men can even use fake female status as a means of oppression.

Welcome @Boujie123. I am glad you found us although sad you have to join our company.

My husband picked up our son just a little while ago for the evening once every other week he spends with him. He looks dreadful. His weight is dropping alarmingly fast, he's stooped over. But I noticed lots of hair missing from his face and arms and perfectly shaped brows. My first thought was how many lessons for the kids the cost of all that would have equaled. He just repulses me.

@TinselAngel Also, that Tyler Reks interview... that was utterly appalling. The wife just sits there, is never asked any questions, never says a word. She's just an ornament to yet another narcissist.

@Boujie123, glad to hear you're moving forward in your life. If you aren't already doing so, please consider seeing a therapist. I think it can help, even after you've made the major step of leaving the relationship. Something that my counselor has said to me repeatedly, to the point where I think it's finally starting to sink in: "You made the best choice you could at the time with the info you had." I've also felt terrible guilt over choosing this person to marry and have children with. I'm trying not to fault myself for making decisions based on the data I had.

It doesn't help that these AGP men are often expert liars and manipulators.