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Original poster

Trans Widows' Escape Committee 4 - A New Hope

962 replies

TinselAngel · 03/05/2020 12:23

Who would have thought we'd make it to thread 4?

Let's have some mutual pats on the back for the amazing support women on these threads have given to other trans widows, and the accidental consciousness raising that has come about as a result of this community.

This is a support area for women who are, or have been, in unhappy relationships with male partners who are transitioning, or exploring their "gender identity"

If you are in that position-

  1. You are not alone
  2. It is not a situation that you should be expected to tolerate, let alone celebrate.
  3. There is always a way out, if you want it. The thread is called Escape Committee for that reason

Remember: women talking to each other is a powerful weapon!

We now have a website which has been very well recived, and if any women who have contributed to these threads would like to write their story for inclusion on the website that would be wonderful.

Do post to get the new thread going. Links to the website and previous threads will follow.

As ever our thoughts are with the women still stuck in these relationships- check in, we do worry about you.

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Thread gallery
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TheHairyBodParents · 03/05/2020 19:54

Just a message of support to the real TWs (Trans Widows) as always.

Thank you for your voice; your work; your support; your new online presence.

Original poster
TinselAngel · 03/05/2020 19:38

It's been interesting to hear your perspective forgetthehousework. Do come back if your situation changes. Smile

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FinallyFree86 · 03/05/2020 17:25

QuinnMovesOn thanks for the advice. There isnt anything that he has that I could possibly want in the divorce. He has nothing. I know that he never has any intention of going back to work so I want to block him being able to claim my pensions and stop him dumping any of his quite considerable debts on my lap. I want no further contact with him or his family. I know he has moved so I have no idea where to send the divorce papers when the time comes.

forgetthehousework · 03/05/2020 17:07

Oh yes Quinn, genuinely happy with things as they are now.

Of course I don't mean that we live in perfect harmony 24/7; I'm not sure anyone could do that but we can talk and also listen to each other most of the time and if things get a bit stressful try to give each other space - even if at the moment it's more headspace than physical.
I doubt I'd be so philosophical if he wanted to transition fully, but at the moment that isn't in the mix.

QuinnMovesOn · 03/05/2020 15:20

Forgetthehousework, kudos if you're genuinely happy in your marriage. I also was okay with going along all my ex's sexual kinks for many years, until he decided to transition and it became very clear that I wasn't even an afterthought in his life.

QuinnMovesOn · 03/05/2020 15:17

FinallyFree, I just want to ditto the recommendations that you need to be careful about accepting inappropriate divorce settlement just to get this over with.

With my ex, I basically put a very fair proposal on the table and said he could either agree and we would settle quickly or I would make this very ugly and unpleasant. He agreed to almost all of my proposal. Because he did not want to stand up in court sounding like an idiot and looking like a "bloke in clackety heels" (I love whomever said that on a previous thread!)

SisyphusLangClegRocks · 03/05/2020 13:27

A trans widow's one of the few things I've not been relationship-wise, but often come on and read the stories of those who have been.

Delighted you're all getting so much support. More power to you! Smile

deepwatersolo · 03/05/2020 13:24

Welcome thread 4!

Thought of this line of threads just 2 days ago, when I read in the guardia's 'Ask...' section the letter of a woman who was uncomfortable with the 'kink' of her boyfriend, which included his feminization....

I commented that she should run for the hills, because that sounds like many trans widows' descriptions of the 'early stages' and she should google transwidows.

Of course, my comment never made it to the comment section. It was immediately censored.

I'll leave a link of the guardian piece.

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/may/01/boyfriend-sexual-kinks-i-find-abhorrent-resolve-differences

OhHolyJesus · 03/05/2020 13:21

Hugs from me Tinsel and all the others, I am not a trans widow but I support you all and continue to share the website.

Original poster
TinselAngel · 03/05/2020 12:57

Thank you for being my trusty, and more patient, lieutenant socialworker222 ThanksGin

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socialworker222 · 03/05/2020 12:42

Welcome thread 4. Awesome work Tinsel. The previous three freed, saved, comforted and empowered me. Hope they help all the others out there.

Original poster
TinselAngel · 03/05/2020 12:30

Website:
www.transwidowsvoices.org/

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3101834-trans-widows-escape-committee

Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3471122-trans-widows-escape-committee-2-the-trans-widows-strike-back

Thread 3
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3668898-trans-widows-escape-committee-3-rise-of-the-trans-widows

And before anybody suggests that its inconsistent to have "Strike Back" as 2" and "A new hope" as 4, yes I know it is!

I was going to call this thread "The Trans Widows and the Goblet of Kool Aid" as thats indisputably a part 4 of something reference, but "A New Hope" was more appropriate!

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