Trans Widows' Escape Committee 4 - A New Hope

@TyroSaysMeow

Maslow's hierachy is amazing. People need to pay attention to it

‘need’

There's something about that word that properly winds me up, in this context.

Calling it a 'need' makes it sound like it's an essential for survival, cf Maslowe's hierarchy. It's not a need; that's guilt-trip language. It's a want, that may become a compulsion if they keep indulging it. Which no one is forcing them to do, except themselves!

Have been lurking here for a little bit and finally signed up today. Much more I want to read and absorb. Thank you all so much for these threads.

I’m not just yet a full transwidow. Pretty typically it was just a little dressing here and there at first. I did the supportive thing and helped with makeup and hair. Then it went a way a bit. Back and forth. We then had a son so got married and he quit his job to care for our son. I am the sole breadwinner and do not want to lose more money than I have to so think this will be a long rocky road to escape. He recently started dressing more and finally sought counseling. Specifically for his want to be a woman (I’m sorry a girl...almost 50...a girl not woman) not for his other issues like quick anger, lack of motivation, and other things could be the reason for the dysphoria not the other way around (but hey if you never explore it you never have to know huh). So now he wants HRT and to tell friends and only ‘dress up’ and can no longer ‘be both’. I’ve tried being there intimately but ugh. If he acts like less of an ass I may be willing to try again If I have any drive. He seems pretty AGP from reading the descriptions and examples but as he is active in forums now I don’t think I can bring that thought up. If he had a job and a place to go it would be so much easier but I’m just not laying out the cash for it. My ex ruined my finances and I’m not letting that happen again after I built it all back up. His parents are great (mine are gone) and I don’t know how they are going to handle it all. Ramble ramble ramble to give a little
background and to thank you again for having formed this space.

Thank god I have found you. I have been thinking it was me for the last 29 years.
I am not a widow as such as DH told me about the ‘need’ he had to x dress early in our relationship but fast forward 29 years and 2 kids later and I have a selfish narc insecure man child who has prioritised his need over the kids and I.
I have been told many things over the years regarding his ‘need’ and I have acquiesced into helping him play out various fantasies over the years out of my love for him, but it was never quite right or enough.
He has grown more annoyed with me i now know because he is deeply unhappy with himself, no responsibility for his own decisions.
The last few days have resulted in my finding emails to a trans instagrammer who he has recently told he loves they have been communicating for 2 years. He has now been blocked by her and is acting like a love struck teenager lying about taking his own life. I have lost all respect for him and have confronted him and said I have had enough I am making the decision for you. It feels like there have been 3 people in our marriage, not his alter ego but the absolute obsession with trans.
He is of course in true narc fashion trying to retake control and threaten to leave and I have said you are behind the curve I have already decided you are going, he is currently stomping around the house because he has lost control and the decision. I feel incredibly relieved and after reading all 4 chats here realise it’s not me it’s him !

Hey everyone, I'm still around. Just quiet on the home front as I'm dealing with a lot of issues. TW - there's discussion about assault.
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My counseling session got a bit intense a few weeks ago and really rattled me as I covered talking about my MTF AGP ex. it's hard to acknowledge what happened to me still. Even though I have shared my story on the transwidow site, it's hard to say i was raped for 8 years without feeling.. sick. I still am trying to unpick all the emotional baggage that comes with being coerced into doing things I didn't want to do. I know that I still can be forced to do things I don't want to do because I don't want to upset people.

I don't know how to overcome this. After I left my ex, I got into a sexual relationship because I was pressured. Part of me was flattered, the other part didn't of me didn't want to be abandoned. Then when I didn't do everything they said, I was dumped for someone new. They kept me around for a few months, still having sex with me because I couldn't say no. I eventually managed to say no, walked away. Now, quite a long time down the track, I am happily married with husband. But I was pretty damaged, I still am. I still behave sometimes like I'm in an abusive relationship. Still need to work on that.

anonymous that is just advice to be a doormat. Ugh.

Trans-positive forums aren't actually trans-positive anyway. They're man-positive. They couldn't give a monkey's about women - actual female ones, obvs - who fall under the trans umbrella. My current one-woman crusade to reclaim 'trans woman' (with the space) is making that very obvious.

You know why spaces like these are needed?

I was browsing a forum today and there was a post from a person who wrote that their partner, a trans woman, had recently left them because the trans woman wanted to pursue a career in porn and had met someone else while doing porn.

And the person who answered the original poster wrote "This is obviously something she needs to do. Tell her you'll wait for her as long as it takes until she is ready. Hope things work out for both of you".

This is the kind of advice you get on trans-positive forums that are supposedly for partners.

Thanks @TinselAngel for all you do. I think you spoke at an event I met to & it really opened my eyes about the impact of embracing transwomen has on their former partner/family. I'm quite ashamed I'd not recognised that before.

I want to thank you all for helping women's rights activists see exactly who they are excluding and displacing when they provide a platform for males who identify as women to mansplain at their meetings and seminars.

I am so sorry you have been abused so many ways by so many thoughtless people.

Threadlurker here just adding my support to the thread too. Transwidows' narratives should (and will) be front and centre stage of all of this.

Not a transwidow but sending you all love and support.

And thanks tinsel for all the work you do

You may already be aware, but Posie is looking for transwidows or children of transitioners who are willing to speak on her podcast

DrEm is a brilliant academic whose research centres women & children.
She has published a couple of important articles in the last week demonstrating the sexist, abusive & shakey foundations on which transsexual/ transgender ideology has been built.
I thought women who post & read these important support threads may find her work useful & heartening:

'Sexist History at the Heart of the ‘Science’ on Transsexualism, Part II: Robert Stoller, True Trans'

concludes
"The notion that those women who don’t believe, or will not pretend to believe to pacify men, in true trans are bigoted or mean or nasty is a repeat of the arguments that those women who don’t believe in transgenderism/transsexualism are bigoted and mean. We have all experienced the accusation of transphobe and the social exclusion when we stated our belief in biology, this is the same. It is undoubtedly appealing to refute the allegation of transphobia by saying ‘I have trans friends’ or ‘look, a trans person agrees with me’ but this both excludes women who need us (transwidows, daughters of trans identified fathers), muddies the waters and uses other people, those claiming to be trans, for one’s own ends. No person should be used as a means to an end. The belief that women have full humanity does not have to be defended by any kind of shallow show, our ideas and evidence stand on their own. With no reasonable scientific basis transsexualism/transgenderism remains at the status of an ideology, and an ideology which is antithetical to feminism."
uncommongroundmedia.com/robert-stoller-true-trans/

Part I
uncommongroundmedia.com/sexist-science-transsexualism-part-i-benjamin-ihlenfeld-money-ehrhardt/

DrEm tweets: twitter.com/PankhurstEM

Just sticking my head on to say hello, I'm still lurking. Nothing of note to report re: ex though so not much to say.

FinallyFree, if you can't find someone to process serve them with legal papers, the court can allow you to other options. Please do consider hiring a solicitor, it sounds like your situation is complicated and I'm worried that you wouldn't get "clean break" status. And you really want that... I look at the medical bills my ex has rung up (both for multiple transition surgeries and because of being an idiot who doesn't take care of their own health) and am very glad there's no way I could be on the hook financially for any of that.

Love to you all xxx