Trans Widows' Escape Committee 4 - A New Hope

@socialworker222 My ex never once showed any signs of having gender dysphoria, but he was a complete narcissistic pathological liar so maybe he hid it well.
He got very turned on by wearing female items. He would insist that his cross dressing started out as sexual but turned into some thing else.

@Pinkbanana2020
I usually just lurk but my ex said the same thing about it being a hobby. I have never heard anyone else say that. He went from being "just a cross dresser" to now legally changing his name and taking estrogen and T blockers and presenting as a woman full time.

I knew some thing was off in our marriage. Our sex life was quite strange. He shows all the traits of an AGP, but I think usually they are attracted to women. I'm quite convinced now that he is only attracted to men or only attracted to himself. He has so much in common with gay men in the closet.

I used to ask him repeatedly if he was gay or trans and he constantly denied it. He is now engaged to a woman who I believe was born female.

His obsession with it kept growing over time and he started pushing barriers that we had agreed on.
Its been 4 years but I still have memories pop up and realize he was lying about yet another thing. His gas lighting was multilayered.

This is an invaluable thread. And not just because of how informative it is.

The experience of the women is quite evidently searingly genuine. But what's equally obvious is that the decision to post, for many women, takes time and courage.

It's not a thread where the premise is debated or mulled over, as in other threads. These women are on the coalface. And it's their unique experience from which we all learn.

It's also one of those threads which engenders empathy and solidarity across-the-board.

Tinsel is a phenomenal woman, who is greatly admired here, and I know she goes to significant lengths to make sure people are comfortable posting.

So any lurking transwidows, don't be put off by thinking your experiences will be met with anything other than support and understanding.

Leaving is already hard, leaving in the middle of a pandemic is exponentially harder.

thread with resources:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3452784-Coercive-Control-a-need-for-better-awareness

(Will now return to my previous "this is not my space so I'm being quiet but am available for providing tea, biscuits, and emotional support as needed" role.)

New trans widow posters from the last few days, please don't be put off by the deleted posts, this is a friendly and supportive space

The thread is supported by many women who, whilst they are not 'transwidows', have also had cause to recognise and understand abuse dynamics/coercive control etc. It is supported by all of those who have read with empathy & respect for such an important conscious raising space.
Solidarity &

Definitely, kittens.

Tinsel especially is a voice of reason and respect on here and is incredibly welcoming

She really is. Once all this is done and dusted and any legal changes that are going to happen have happened she'll be one of the people who made a real difference.

That makes perfect sense, Tinsel.

Everything is harder - not just the psychological problems for the trans widow herself, but all sorts of practical issues. Sorting a new house during social distancing. Keeping things stable for the children when they're fragile because they're separated from their friends, and also need a stable environment for home schooling (all sorts of practical matters like the internet, etc). Keeping shopping deliveries going if you move house. What happens if there's only one family car which you were relying on for the weekly supermarket shop.

Lockdown makes everything about leaving harder - each individual thing noticeably so, cumulatively, the impact is immense.

Tinsel especially is a voice of reason and respect on here and is incredibly welcoming 💐

I’ll go back to lurking

It definitely makes sense. Leaving is already hard, leaving in the middle of a pandemic is exponentially harder.

Re Tyro's getting out comment, Priti Patel did indeed confirm that lockdown doesn't mean that people aren't allowed to flee abusive situations.

I think a lot of people find this an interesting thread to read.

It's a support thread though - which means it's not the place for people who aren't personally affected to be playing devil's advocate.

Anyway, moving on.

So far as I know, lockdown rules in the UK do permit us to get the hell out of there if we're in an abusive situation. Although making a permanent escape is obviously going to be a lot harder at the moment.

I'm not a transwidow so I generally try to step back and let this thread serve its intended purpose of transwidows supporting each other. That being said, I think it's fairly obvious that not having to look at things from the perspective of men with AGP like Grayson Perry is a big part of the reason for these threads to exist.

I'm glad to see new transwidows finding this thread and hope they can find the support they need here, but endlessly appalled by how similar their experiences always are and how little space those experiences are given in the public discourse. This is a women's rights issue.

New trans widow posters from the last few days, please don't be put off by the deleted posts, this is a friendly and supportive space

Yes, but also a public place. You seem to have it in your head that I'm a troll because I see some things differently from yourself ( on a couple of other threads), and as a result many of your posts have been, themselves, really very unfriendly indeed. Insinuations, outright hostility.Not sure why my post was deleted?

Anyway, I have never posted on here before...even if i find it interesting to read. And I'll not again.

Grammar discussions, Just. It can be taken up on a new thread if you want to talk about it further; this one isn't really the place for it.

Discussions such as which?