Trans Widows' Escape Committee 4 - A New Hope

Yes, I realised he had the same discomfort that I did, it was other men watching that I was thinking of.
wombatmama, on top of the rest of the whole thing, what you said at the end about trans children and the atmosphere being created for them was just so spot on, so well put. Thank you for everything that you are doing to protect women and girls.

I have to say Stella I felt a bit uncomfortable at times for that same reason, given the deeply personal nature of the subject and male/female dynamic but it was clear that Jennifer contacted Glinner and he grimaced at the same points I did.

Wombatmama

I think that my discomfort was that it's a man questioning a woman about sexual issues. Having said that I massively appreciate what GL is doing, and that he is using his platform to highlight these things.

Thanks tinselangel. You're right of course. I thought this would be the best place to check.

Apologies wombatmama I've just realised that you're here and that I hadn't read the end of the thread. It is just gutting what he did to you. You are so so brave to talk about it in order to help others. There are so many points in there about how abusing controlling men work. Thank you xxxx

Hi tinselangel. I'd like to add my thanks for your bravery in helping women. Sorry for bothering you but I just wanted to check something with you. I just watched (the first half of) Graham Lineham's interview with Jennifer on YouTube. It is a really important story for people to hear, and is horrific. She is so brave to tell it, and it has a lot of important information for women. I'm just wondering about the level of detail being shown on YouTube. I've worked with men who would get off on listening to women talking about abuse. I'm wondering if the full video could be made less available to potential abusers. What do you think?
I'm not usually on this thread, but send love to you all xxx

I've just finished watching @Wombatmama and I just want to thank you doing this. I could hear you reliving these horrific experiences as you were talking and I appreciate that it must hurt you to talk about it, especially in this very public way. I had the luxury of being able to pause the video to take a break. You didn't get that luxury. I am so sorry you had to go through any of it.

I felt a bit sick at times and angry for you when you spoke about the woman who turned on you, and desperately sad when you spoke about your children agreeing with the mantra and thinking of you are being wrong. I have no idea how you navigate that, I send you strength for that in particular.

It is because of @TinselAngel that I have learnt about trans widows, and because you both, and other trans widows like you speaking up, that we can even talk about this (the thing we cannot name here), and it's clearer than ever before that we need to keep talking about it (even when we can't name it with abreviations).

It's an old saying, but it's true, courage speaks to courage. I'm so glad you sound happy and have clearly done so much, been through so much, to get to where you are now.

I hope I don't sound patronising in saying this, but I'm proud of you. Women like you, women in your situation, need to know they are not alone. It is only by sharing that they will know what it happening is real and has happened before. I am thinking of you today.

Thank you.

This is an amazing interview - thank you Wombatmama for having the courage to do this.
We need to talk about AGP and the risks this brings to women.

I'm sure I posted on this thread. Nothing controversial, just acknowledging how difficult it was to listen to the interview & that it's important it's heard?

@MNHQ Have you deleted my comment? I've had nothing notifying me? What have a I said that warrants a deletion here?

Genuinely puzzled with this?

What courage you have to have done this powerful interview, Wombatmama. Thank you for doing it and explaining so clearly the risks inherent in rebranding AGP from a sexual fixation into an identity. I am reminded of a Julie Burchill quote:

As with most liberal sexual ideas, what makes the world a better place for men invariably makes it a duller and more dangerous place for women.

I don't usually post on this thread, because I don't see it as my place, but Wombatmama - I am listening to that and it is grim but it is what it is and sometimes you need to listen to things you don't like to understand. And so many people need to understand.

You are a star and I wish that good life for you xx

Hello, this is an interview I did about being a transwidow. It is quite grim and triggery so beware. I hope this helps a few of us 💪🏼❤️

To be honest, the likelihood of him turning up and demanding access is 1 in 10. He'd have to have an income and a home first, otherwise surely I'd be within my rights to say no you can't take them to a squat hundreds of miles away with God knows who else living there? But if he wanted to take them on a day trip, I'd say what a nice idea I'm coming too. If I'm his wife he can't stop me, but if divorced and he did involve outside agencies then presumably I'd have no right to tag along on his time with the DC.

But realistically, it's not going to happen. I have to give my head a wobble sometimes or the paranoia creeps up on me, but speaking openly here is helping me see it more rationally.

He isn’t capable of considering how his actions impact the people he has a responsibility towards – his wife, kids, parents, siblings. He’d do anything for a stranger but shit on his family. It’s all about how they make him feel. These ‘friends’ give him validation and look up to him (so he says) so he doesn’t have to examine his behaviour. But when what he wants to do hurts a family member he acts like it’s either not happening or all their fault and they are terrible people, all against him, etc. I wouldn’t call him a narcissist though. Just clueless. An adult child. How can you just walk out on your family without any warning? No provisions made for the DC, no discussion about if/when/how they would be told, no communication asking how we are – even when Covid struck, not a single message! I mean, wtf?

I’m glad though, just venting. Glad because I don’t have to deal with him, glad because my life drastically improved when he went. I got a series of new jobs and promotions, redecorated the house, got a new car, took up my hobbies again which had fallen by the wayside because of him. I couldn’t read a book in bed because he was always demanding sex. I couldn’t go to my sports class because he was whining that all the guys there fancied me (they really didn’t). It was a manifestation of his own social insecurities. I’m looking forward to starting it again because I have put on a bit of weight. Once I get that going, I’ll be more than happy and grateful for my lot in life, I think. I don't get any help with childcare so I don't get evenings out, but you know what? It's a small sacrifice all things considered 😊.

We are amazing. to all of you.

...can't take them anywhere without me.
Unfortunately I don't think staying married would prevent him being able to have private contact with them/take them away on holidays, were he to reappear. Unless you involved formal agencies because you believe he's a risk to the children, there is no such reassurance. It doesn't sound as if that's the case, of course apart from the distress and confusion he may well cause them, and possible crap care. My ex gave very insensitive and poor contact care to my kids, not following explicit agreements such as not having lingerie strewn around, not dressing up, going at a slow pace, working with me to communicate. He also made my kids feel uneasy in ways he behaved, and didn't provide enough food, activity or any discussion of what was going on. One child felt afraid of him and did not want to sleep at his place. However as many women share on MN, crap insensitive inconsistent or lazy parenting doesn't stop him having the right to time with them, without you there. So I'd be careful not to assume you could keep an eye on things were he to pop up and want contact as he appears entirely likely to have that option. This comes back to you bring okay with taking that chance I guess. Appreciate you can't tell us more but it seems unusual to be able to protect all your assets in marriage... Universally it's a 50/50 split then adjusted for need/kids. Either way it's good you're working out how to live with this difficult limbo state. Are you managing to start to rebuild your own life going forward?

I understand. That won't happen but I can't explain it without outing myself. There is absolutely no way he would be entitled to any of my property.

A bigger concern if I died would be that he would get the DC. And then dump them on his mother .

In fact, writing it all out here has helped me to think. I'd best stay married for now so that he can't take them anywhere without me...in the very unlikely event that he pops up and wants to do that.

How is everyone?

And thanks @socialworker222. You're probably right, he wouldn't stick around.