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Original poster

Think divorce is inevitable - opinions please

57 replies

WorriedWoking · 13/04/2020 15:16

Like everyone else I am currently locked down and my partner's anger (he has a diagnosis of paranoid personality disorder) is becoming more and more worrying. He is a Jekyll and Hyde type who can appear calm and not exactly happy, because he is never by his own admission happy, before exploding with rage at something he perceives me to have done. I have not usually done anything or, if I have, I've not done it knowingly.

He is currently under a psychiatrist but I have found out that he is binge watching (him, not the psychiatrist as far as I know!!) MGTOW/MRA/Red Pill videos which degrade women including single mothers, 'old women' in their 30s, 40s and 50s, 'entitled women', 'gold diggers' and any other offensive and abusive trope you can think of.

He is claiming that the world is run by women and that men like him who are completely innocent are their victims. I am obviously included in this peculiar and objectively untrue world he's currently inhabiting and he has provided 'stats' to 'prove' to me that women are the violent sex.

I think he's completely lost the plot but he's still on his medication as far as I am aware -I don't monitor it. I have to confess to taking a sneaky look at his phone when he left it on the table and I can see that he is looking at dating sites and on RightMove for flats to buy in the city in which he works.

So, I guess I'm just here for tea and sympathy and reassurance that lockdown will be over at some point so that I can file for divorce. Thanks for reading :)

OP posts:
LizzieSiddal · 13/04/2020 15:53

Worried are you aware that the new lockdown laws allow anyone to leave their home if they are worried for their safety. The fact you are have already agreed a safe word with your Dd, shows you are in this category.
Can’t you leave the house asap?

Original poster
WorriedWoking · 13/04/2020 15:53

Thanks Gibbons. I don't think he has a CPN or social worker unless he's not told me about them? He doesn't even seem paranoid in some ways or at least not as I imagine paranoia to be but perhaps I am just making excuses for him? He's not imagining aliens or hearing voices as far as I know but something isn't right and he's not spoken to me for hours or eaten or drunk anything. He's outside in the gardenand I'm inside but I don't feel as though I want to approach him in case he starts raging at me again :(

OP posts:
Gibbonsgibbonsgibbons · 13/04/2020 15:50

I agree with the above - please tell someone if he is making you feel unsafe/he seems more unstable.

Do you have contact with his CPN /social worker?
Paranoias can become all encompassing & quite frankly it can be terrifying to be around someone who is in that state.

If you need to leave for your own safety there are avenues available Flowers

Original poster
WorriedWoking · 13/04/2020 15:49

Thanks cordelia. I have my phone charged up and on me at all times now and my daughter and I have agreed a code word in case I need to ring her so that she can call 999 on my behalf. I don't think he's at that point yet but I can't pretend I'm not anxious about his behaviour. Sometimes he accepts that he has mental health issues but at other times he says that I am causing them or that I am the one who is ill. I even went to see a psychiatrist myself to check but, after two sessions was told there was nothing wrong with me.

OP posts:
Original poster
WorriedWoking · 13/04/2020 15:46

Thank you Lou. His behaviour hasn't exactly changed but his outbursts of self righteous rage are now much closer together and he keeps reminding me that he 'earns all the money' and that if I stopped doing 'whatever it is that I do' i.e. housework, laundry, paying bills, gardening and looking after the pets 'no-one would even notice'. That's kind of true because I have retired on a small disability pension but he seems to feel that he has a major grievance against me now that I am no longer earning a wage.

OP posts:
cordeliavorkosigan · 13/04/2020 15:41

I think you should get some help and be prepared to call 999 . This sounds really scary. Social services? Women’s aid?

LouHotel · 13/04/2020 15:38

OP has there been any other changes to his behaviour that would suggest he’s having a psychotic break or likely to hurt you?

The exploding with rage coupled with the fact he’s spending a large amount of time looking at ‘ammunition’ Would suggest to me he could be building up to justifying an attack on you.