Am I prejudiced?

It's not you sweetie. You arent prejudiced

What you are is normal. And having been subject to female socialization which forces us to "be nice" and you are trying to reconcile that with what you know to be true and you cant.

I'm.so sorry for this. Its disgusting they are prepared to do this vulnerable women.

If a woman feels able to say to a male worker at women's services they would like to speak to a female / someone else then that should of course be reasonable.

The OP was understandably shocked & thrown when speaking with a male worker at women's refuge services when having reasonably expected a female.

Women who are in potential high risk situations shouldn't have to explain why they wish a different worker (& may well find voicing this very difficult)

The thing that matters is that the woman have access to appropriate supportive services as soon as is possible.

You should be able to request someone else, no explanations. They are there to help you.

Even if you did say ‘that person is a man and I don’t want to speak to a man’ (even though this may be a statements of fact, but some people don’t like facts), they do not get to choose who to help and who to refuse.

Wouldn't it be reasonable to say to a "Sarah" that you'd rather speak someone else as, weirdly, you sound just like my abuser, sorry, nothing personal?

Or words to that effect.

Yes.
It is completely reasonable for a woman to speak with only another woman about male abuse.

It is not neccessary (or probably healthy/helpful) for a vulnerable woman to be required or encouraged to negotiate with a male gatekeeper in order to access appropriate female supportive services.

Have yo disagree with an above poster - suggest not emailing 'Sarah' with those reasons and go to s different helpline like freedom. You don't want someone to go into self righteous TERF hunting mode because an abused woman won't open up to them. This is someone who has specifically sought out a job at a woman's refuge and abuse helpline. Be careful what you say to them or say in writing.

It’s about you not the person who picked up the phone. So you aren’t being unreasonable. Not one time bit.

Please get the assistance you need.

TBH if I had been in similar circumstances and the email had been from "Stan" and the person answering the phone had been Stan then I would have found it far less disturbing than the OP's encounter with "Sarah".

This a thousand times. Being gaslit on top of (potentially other) gaslighting and abuse is cruel and unusual. Its clear that Sarah is putting their own personal validation desires above the needs of a traumatised woman; and that alone speaks a thousand volumes as to why they should be nowhere near that helpline.

I've just been re-reading an old thread & think this post is pertinent.

Lisa Muggeridge comments:

"Any trans woman who wants..
1.Subordination of women.

2.Women forced to say things that are not true.

3.Wants access to domestic abuse victims and rape victims, and those women subordinated to them.

4.Wants access to female spaces and does not see why female consent matters.

1. Defines themselves as a lesbian to give themselves the right to sexually abuse and coerce lesbians.

6, Is triggered or injured by hearing about the reality of female experience and biology.

Every trans woman who wants or demonstrates these things, is telling you they are not only male but an abusive male and a risk to women and girls."

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3284251-Lisa-Muggeridge-Suspended-by-Twitter-and-Quoting-her-breaches-MN-Guidelines?pg=10

I am so sorry that this happened to you OP. I would have responded in exactly the same way. You are NOT prejudiced in any way, shape or form.

The person who answered the phone to you was male and you expected to speak with a female. That is appalling and abusive (to you).

I - and maybe I am wrong for thinking this - would also be deeply suspicious of any male who wanted to work in this capacity.

Is there any way you can email Sarah and ask to speak to someone else? The one consideration should be your comfort, of course it may be that they are operating on a skeleton staff and that is not possible right now.

I know it is very difficult to advocate for yourself when you are vulnerable and don't want to upset someone but your mental safety comes first.

TBH if I had been in similar circumstances and the email had been from "Stan" and the person answering the phone had been Stan then I would have found it far less disturbing than the OP's encounter with "Sarah". Still distressing but easier to counter with, "I need to speak to a woman, I can't bring myself to discuss this with a man".

It is really not on that women have to endure that sort of gaslighting when they are vulnerable and seeking help. How in heavens name can it be justified, recruiting people without their knowledge and consent to participate in this mind-fuckery as a "pass" to getting help when they need it?

It is nothing to do with "prejudice" in the pejorative sense about a person and everything to do with the survival instinct kicking in, ie. the ability to pre-judge from past experience how something is going to turn out, for better or ill.

I’m so sorry, I think most people understand why you would only wish to speak to a woman (& anyone who doesn’t understand that clearly shows themselves to be the wrong person to be answering those calls)

There are also lists of contact details for women's support services at the end of this resource thead:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3452784-Coercive-Control-a-need-for-better-awareness

Cappachuchu99

The priority is your safety & wellbeing.

When you are keeping are yourself safe then you will be very alert to potential risk. This isnt the time to start dissecting where they come from, your priority has to be you.

Freedom Programme have a helpline
They are great & very experienced.

Freedom Programme help line 01942 262 270 or contact our help desk: [email protected].

You will only get women answering
(They do not believe that any man becomes a woman)

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/